Haleys Journal.. A whole lot of random thoughts and outbursts

thats fantastic Haley.
Happy belated Birthday to YOUUU

Thank you Wowinnz

I love your puppy! He/she isnt a shih tzu X bichon by any chance? He looks just like my naughty puppy when he was younger. Theres a pic of him a couple of pages back.

yes she is!.. we also have her brother, hes 11 months older. he looks more like a bichon.. like their mum

found your pic.. Willow looks just like Baxter, but with a bit more apricot in her face.. shes nearly 5 months too.

Aw awesome, arent they fantastic dogs?! Bax is almost 10 months now and is a bundle of mischief. Him and the cat are always up to something.

shame we dont live closer it would be so cool to get together.

they are really awesome dogs.. Jack is so good (quiet, no holes, harldy barks unless he has good reason) and Willow is so much more like a dog.. digs holes, chews EVERYTHING, slow to toilet train but getting better thank god, and she barks heaps.

Love them so much!

did you get out to buy some nice clothes?

Willow sounds so much like Baxter, digs holes, was slow to toilet train, and chews EVERYTHING (my poor shoes!!). It is a shame, Bax is so social and loves meeting other dogs. Where we run in the morning at the park there is always lots of dogs for him to play with.

Im off shopping on sunday with my little sister, Im really looking forward to it! Im house sitting my parents farm this weekend, love getting away up there

heya miss, glad to see the job is good, and that you had a great birthday, good on you for making a change especially when you were also just starting back on your meds, thats really very brave you know,

you really should be so proud of yourself!!

you go girl!!!!

Soooo.. yep as per usual, things were going well and I abandoned my journal. Right now I'm feeling kinda crappy so Im back. TBBD, I feel like Im just using you, but really, isn't that what your here for?

Right, well, the anti ds were going well. Then, me being me, slowly cut them back and things were still going great. Unfortunatly, I am not feeling so great, so back on them tonight. I'm putting it down to exams. I get SO stressed around exam time its not funny. Plus some family stuff happened so thats not helping.

The story is, my little bro and his fiance are having a baby. They let the family know in the weekend. Didn't let me know directly, but I found out through mum. I put on facebook "Just found out some exiting news!", not saying anything about what it actually was. Got the ok from Mum to actually let people know. Well turns out mum told bro, bro wasn't too happy, which I can understand, they just found out, and so they txt me and tell me they want it down off, which is fine, fair enough. But I just feel so stink, cos I prob should have checked with them first, but they don't ever reply to my txts, emails etc, so why bother. They are in England at the moment, and I have tried hard to see how they are going etc but they haven't bothered to get back to me, which makes me pretty gutted. So the only time they contact me is when they're pissed off. The thing that makes me feel worse is that its my own fault, I can't blame it on anyone else. I've apologised, taken it down, removed any possible trace, and mum has too. I txt them and said I was really sorry and that I've taken it all down, and they haven't even gotten back to me. And whats the bet that I won't hear from them again till they get back into the country. Actually I will probably hear that through mum too. Like I know they have their own life and shit like that, but if they tried contacting me, I would get back to them.

Yep so thats my whine. I feel a wee bit better. But still feel stink.

Its times like these I feel like curling up in bed with some wine and chocolate, the dog, the cat and maybe the boyfriend. In fact thats the plan for the weekend I think. I just feel those down, crappy, no motivation, can't be fucked with anything feelings. I suppose at least I know what it is now, but it still doesn't make me feel any better.

let it go
you have done what you can do
you said sorry
you removed the post
now
let it go
you don't need it clogging your brain space now
set it free

we all do that kinda thing
every single person on the planet has made a boo boo

you said sorry

now let it go
forgive yourself
set it free

hey, and feel good for doing everything you could to fix it
not everyone does
if your bro is being a snob
thats his
not yours

tomorrow is friday

everything is better on friday lol

have a lovely long weekend
take care

Thanks mista, that made me feel heaps better. A friend said the same thing as you and so did my parents and bf, so I was just being a bit over reacting lol. But I'm good today, took my little pill last night. I know its too soon to have any effect on me, but my mind thinks it does and therefore I'm good.

Am really looking forward to the long weekend I hope you have a lovely one too mista, and hope you are well

I didn't know where else to go, I need to get some stuff out, I'm a mess, I'm starting to think what can I take to make all this go away forever, I know its not logical but i dont really care. Ive just been told im useless and lazy because i had the day off because my boss sent me home because I have a sprained ankle. Bf doesnt know if he wants to travel with me anymore, he told me iv got horrible work ethic and he doesnt know if he wants to be with someone like me. I have no one to turn to, no friends, i cant turn to anyone without them judging me, iv spent so much time studying and now its over i feel like iv lost them. i just dont know what to do, i need to get this out im sure it will be all fine tomorrow but right now, right now im not coping. I cant ring my mum or my friends or leave, i dont know where to go or what to do.... i just want someone to hug me and tell me its gunna be alright

hugs to you lil miss
i give you big cyber hugs
i am having one of those exact same days/weeks
everything is shite and it feels like everything is so hopeless

but lil miss
we just have to wait for it to pass
just know that its just thoughts
and that we can't pay too much attention to them
coz they arent helping us
we just gots to hang there
and wait for the cloud to pass
and try not to listen to those negative things that our silly head is saying
coz we know deep down inside
that we is ok
that we are good ppl
and that we deserve to be happy
and loved
and given BIG hugs

hey lil miss!
where you been?
are you still here with us in cyber land?