Not really to do with depression - but

How important is marriage to women these days? Is it an old fashioned ideal now?

Just after some thoughts and opinions.

Cheers.

I'd love to be married. Never have been and reckon its never gonna happen for me though. I dont think its an outdated concept. I also think its important for kids to have two parents who are formally committed to eachother when they are concieved and born. Though I disagree with a couple staying together because of the kids.

hmmm, that about says what I think lol. I do have a partner, but apparently he thinks marriage is just a paper. I see it as so much more, but it seems the topic is not up for disscussion.

oh dear........that would be a deal breaker for me. maybe he just needs time???

I dunno, but yeah, made me wonder whether I want to stay, but don't have job or anywhere to go. So much good stuff with us, but I don't want to just be "partner" forever.

I totally understand......maybe now isnt the time to be making life changing decisions for you. Just try and keep communicating with him and being open to his opinion for now.

hmmm, trying lol. and no, not time for life changing decisions right now

Sounds tricky Lonely Girl - you both need to do what makes you happy - hard I guess if you are on different pages. I married (and divorced) in my early 20's - a terrible time for me. I now have a long term partner and children and feel more secure than when I was married. Neither of us have family or religious reasons to marry so I guess that makes things easier. We also both believe that raising the kids is the most important commitment we have. Not saying this is right for everyone but it works for us - especially as we both see it the same way. Don't try to make changes though if you are going through a bit of a down time (just my humble opinion). Take care.

well, i never thought i would get married, never saw the point. had 3 kids to long term partner. we split, and then i met now hubby. i needed to get married to feel secure. he was never ever getting married and now we have been married for almost 6 yrs!

For me, I think I always liked the 'idea' of being marriage. Managed to do everything so called backwards! Got the man, very quickly had 3 kids, had some major mental health problems in the middle which ended with an engagement! I know, something about secuity and letting all the so called 'helpful' family around us at the time, know we were serious and to step away! Got the wedding then the house, I enjoyed being called the wife! if you know what I mean.

To me, getting married didnt change our relationship, as we had the kids I think it was nice for our older ones to be there and witness and take part in the wedding. I personally think maybe it's more of a guy thing? my husband wasn't worried about getting married or not, but knew it was important for me to feel secure. I also had a thing that if I was married I was worth more? as someone is basically shouting out to everyone how committed and inlove they are with me!!!

You have to do what is right for you, what you feel comfortable with

yip i 2nd what surise said, whats comfortable and right for u!

Im not good with making comittments (cant even spel the word) hehehe but i cant even committ to a gym membership or buying tickets to a concert because i cant handle the comittment so for me marriage is a no go.

But now ive been with my partner for 3 years im starting to think marriage wouldnt be so bad.

I guess ur attitude changes in each situation or relationship so what ever is right for u at the time!

Well ive been married twice now, and after the first disaster i swore black and blue never again because they can end so messy and it can be heart breaking. I think i was way to young at the time but also felt pressured into going through with it. When i was walking towards my first husband on my dads arm, all i wanted to do was break loose and run the other way. Hindsight is a wonderful thing huh?? In contrast, when my now husband proposed it was an entirely different reaction/feeling. We had only been together two weeks when he proposed and i never hesitated in saying yes because it just felt so right. We set the date for 18 months later and agreed that if either of us werent ready we would postpone until we were both sure. Well we got married on the date we set, have been together for nearly 5 years, married for 2 years now, and i dont regret it one bit. This time my mum gave me away and i couldnt wait to break free of her arm so i could grab hold of my man.

The biggest difference between my first and second marriage is that the second time, we didnt take each others trust for granted, we earnt each others trust because we had both been so badly hurt before.

I can understand your partner seeing marriage as a bit of paper, a lot of men do, but the questions that keep coming into my head are:
Is it the marriage (piece of paper) or the committment you are really wanting? If its the committment you are wanting, do you think he would accept a civil ceremony? Or even a committment ceremony done with a jp in front of your close friends and family? Is it all the pomp and ceremony he doesnt want? If it is really important to you, maybe you need to sit down and talk with your man as to why he doesnt want to get married?

Sorry for waffling but hope ive been of some help.

I always felt that you should be married before you had/conceived kids. Could be something to do with the fact I was the first woman in my family, for 3 generations, (I only know of 3 generations, so who knows how many) who didn't conceive outside marrage. Apparently I come from a long line of sluts, & was lucky to be the first slut to have access to contraception. lol.
I also hold the proud title of the only one of my siblings to get married before conceiving.
All joking aside, I felt at the time that I wanted commitment before I had kids (to me commitment was marrage) & was lucky that contraception worked for me & I was able to decide when to conceive both my children.
I've had friends who wanted to get married & their partners didn't saying, "its only a piece of paper". If "its only a piece of paper", & it means a lot to one party, why doesn't the other party just do it? Shouldn't be too hard I feel.
As it happened, my marrage ended, as they do, but I have no regrets. I think my kids feel happier that 'dad' & I were in love enough at one stage to get married.

The way we structure relationships does stress us in many ways. I never gave marriage a thought. I never thought of myself as a with person. Always a loner Also never could figure out if I was gay, bi or straight. So I got intimate really late, but at the right time for me.
I'm with a fella in a good first relationship and we have talked of marriage and for a while I have been quite positive about it.
But lately I've been thinking I don't need it. I don't want to be up there in front of all those people. I hate being noticed. I don't want to do it to make our families happy, cos it isn't about them. And doing it just quietly in front of a couple witnesses and a JP still seems not right. I love proposing and having special days of celebration. We are engaged and for me this time of engagement is very important.
But whenever other people are involved, things get complicated. My partner and I both have major mental illness and managing that AND other people's opinions can be tricky. Not that I don't want to know what people think, but we both process things slowly, which few people realise.

(Beanie, are you really 98!?)

(Beanie, are you really 98!?)
Only some days, must have felt it the day I wrote my profile. Some days I'm 2 years old

i is 5.........pullls beanies pig tails and runs away!!!!!!!!!

Marriage to me means having someone there that will be there for life, and to love you for life, marriage to me is important. to me its not just a piece of paper, its committment, for life. its hard to explain for me but i've been wanting to get married ever since i was a little girl, i wanted a white wedding, and i got one. It means acceptance, although my hubbys family dont accept me or like me for that matter, but hubby said he don't care, as long as he loves me, thats all that matters.