Confused as to what to do

My ex is in prison, I broke up with him round August/Sept last year. The last 6-8 weeks or so, I feel like I need to see him, to finialise anything as such. Anyone that I've mentioned this too that knew what happened has told me what a bad idea it is, and that I shouldn't go see him and it won't help. I can't get the thought out of my mind though that I have to go see him, for my own sake. I've tried pushing the thought aside and not dwelling or thinking on it, but it always comes back.

Do I listen to what people are saying and ignore it, or go with what I feel is needed and organise a visit to see him?

Sounds like you need closeur (close-ur? closur? ya all know what I mean!) As long as it is just for closuer I dont see why not, I think everyone needs that otherwise it will bug you forever.

However if you think its because you want to get back together, or if you think when you see him you'll want him back DONT go. But by the sounds of things you want it to kinda be a final goodbye and I dont see a problem with that.

I definitely don't want him back. I know that for sure. Can't trust him and thanks to that I now don't trust any guys fully, so trying to work on that too. It is just for closure as such, I just feel I need to see him one last time to be able to total start to move on. Not many people seem to see that though.

I think you have to be brutally honest with yourself before you go to see your ex. It sounds to me as though you want more than closure or else you wouldnt be obsessing over it so. Just my opinion, but having been through something similar with my ex just recently I think I have a few ideas.

When I so desperately 'needed' closure it wasnt because I was ready to give the connection up it was purely because I was hanging on. When I finally did give it all up I stopped 'needing' closure. It was then safe for me to see my ex and to say goodbye and it went really well. We will always be friends and care deeply for eachother but the relationship as it was is over.

This obsessive need for closure isnt about letting go, its about hanging on. I dont believe if you are this confused that seeing your ex would be a good move and certainly those closer to you think its the wrong decision.

Perhaps you need to listen to those who can hear the tone in your voice and see the expression on your face when you speak about it. Why would people who care about you tell you not to do something if they believe it would be good for you?

My suggestion is that when you stop obsessing about it you will be far closer to being ready for closure than you are now.

I hope that helps and I wish you luck.

Cheers

Monsta

Hi, LC.

It pains me to admit this, but it sounds like Miss Monsta might be on the right track with her answer, hon. Damn, don't old relationships suck some days?

If you ARE determined to try to visit him, you need to apply for permission and have it approved, according to the Corrections website. You can't just bowl up and expect to be let in (unless a Judge has booked you a room for a finite term).

A link to the Corrections website with information you need about visits is:

http://www.corrections.govt.nz/policy-and-legislation/policy-and-procedures-manual/section-b/b09/b0902.html

Maybe, you can achieve what you need to have happen, by sitting down and writing a letter, in which you say everything you need to say. Then, let the letter rest a couple of days, read it again and burn it. As it burns, tell yourself that the flames and smoke are setting you free of this bloke and that from that point forward, your life is yours to lead and live and enjoy.

You have your freedom now - Please, try to find ways to enjoy some of it, cos life doesn't always need to be sucky, it really doesn't and I suspect that we can each play a major role in deciding how things can play out.

Take care eh?

Pat.

I only hold a little bit of anger now against him. I really don't want to get back with him, and would not put my life in that situation with him again. Only a couple of friends know everything he put me through. They reckon that I should forget about going and seeing him and just move on forward. I've tried that, I've tried writing it down, and just still feel like I need to say a final goodbye. We will never be friends or have any further contact. Beginning of February I packed up all his stuff left into rubbish bags and threw it out, that felt good doing that.

Logical You are The only person that can deceide whether you see him or not has be you.

logical-cents
write the pros and the cons of going to see him-which ever list is longer go for that option.