Re: The New Depression Thread.

[earthangel4]

*~* hullo *~*

I have been "trying" to figure out life and kinda thought that it would be easier to "get thru" life IF I didn't acknowledge "stuff" and in a way it is but when I "sleep" haha whats that? it comes back to haunt me!!

so thought that maybe "hiding" from reality isn't the right thing to do and I miss you guys and your friendship.

so I"M BACK, I have been following the thread on TM but seem to be constantly "tired" which is a part and parcel of the fibro, and am just lacking energy for posting,

am trying really really hard to get myself together and it just doesn't seem to want to happen,

I dont know whether I should train to work (dont know if I will ever be able to work again because of the fibro and connective tissue disorder) and I recently did an online "test" that said that It was highly likely that I have aspergers (which has really thrown me out) but now that I think about it it really fits me.

so at the moment I am at a bit of a loss, and sorry to come in here and off load but I know you guys care and even better you understand.

thanks everyone for just being YOU

Hello dear friend,now that I am on top of things,with my new meds,time for me to help you.
You need time to heal,time to rest,as sleeping is healing,do not worry about work,or house work.
I too think you have aspergers,but do not worry.
You have others there that can cook clean,ect.
Does your hubby do anything?
I am here for you hun.
We are going away for a week on sat,but here till then.
Angel hugs always
Angel xxxxoooo

[*~*Beej*~*]

Hey Angel

thanks so much for that.
I initially was really really freaked about being an aspie but now I aren't anymore,
I certainly get the OCD part of it.
and I cant do crowds and I dont understand body language ( at all)
loud noises really throw me out
I have a speech impediment when I get excited and the worse (I think) is I take people very very literally & trust everyone (until its too late)
I think thats why I love animals soo much.

Thanks Earthangel for being there I really really appreciate it

I am a bit down (well quite a bit) because I had planned on going up to Auckland to stay with friends this weekend and its been on and off then on and now I've just had to call it off (for final) cos my dog has a naffed foot and I cant afford both.

shes worth it as shes my best friend but I am really gutted, I was really looking forward to getting away & spending time with my friends

[earthangel4]

Hey Angel

thanks so much for that.
I initially was really really freaked about being an aspie but now I aren't anymore,
I certainly get the OCD part of it.
and I cant do crowds and I dont understand body language ( at all)
loud noises really throw me out
I have a speech impediment when I get excited and the worse (I think) is I take people very very literally & trust everyone (until its too late)
I think thats why I love animals soo much.

Thanks Earthangel for being there I really really appreciate it

I am a bit down (well quite a bit) because I had planned on going up to Auckland to stay with friends this weekend and its been on and off then on and now I've just had to call it off (for final) cos my dog has a naffed foot and I cant afford both.

shes worth it as shes my best friend but I am really gutted, I was really looking forward to getting away & spending time with my friends

Hello my dear friend,
You will be ok,I too think you need to get your dog seen too,as that what I would do for Abby.
You can always do another trip with your friends another time,I know you are gutted,but there is always another time.
I also don,t do well in big crowds,but I don,t trust people,I hold them at arm length until I get to know them.
It will be ok hun,have you heard the saying pick yourself up,dust yourself all over and start again.
I am here until Saturday,we are going to Nelson creek,it is half an hour from here,I think,has bush walks and one pub with takeaways.
I love to cook,so take all our food with us,and me being gluten free,as I have ceolaic disease,have to be careful.
You take care sweet lady,and eat what you enjoy must.
Love you girl
Angel xxxoooo

[*~*Beej*~*]

Hello my dear friend,
You will be ok,I too think you need to get your dog seen too,as that what I would do for Abby.
You can always do another trip with your friends another time,I know you are gutted,but there is always another time.
I also don,t do well in big crowds,but I don,t trust people,I hold them at arm length until I get to know them.
It will be ok hun,have you heard the saying pick yourself up,dust yourself all over and start again.
I am here until Saturday,we are going to Nelson creek,it is half an hour from here,I think,has bush walks and one pub with takeaways.
I love to cook,so take all our food with us,and me being gluten free,as I have ceolaic disease,have to be careful.
You take care sweet lady,and eat what you enjoy must.
Love you girl
Angel xxxoooo [/quote]

Hey Angel

thanks for being there I really love clicking in here and "finding" you.
I have heard that Nelson Creek is a lovely spot, how neat that you two get to pack up and go out to the river and have bush walks, I would find that brilliant!!

thanks for reminding me of that saying, yes I am picking myself up and pulling myself together, its funny/wierd but I am actually feeling quite good about not going as I would have been really stretching the finances and now I'm not, so thats a good thing.

I hope that you are well, you seem much happier now than a few months ago, the doctor obviously got it right huh? thats brilliant.

need to sleep, I need to learn to manage this fibro, I just dont have a clue how to as its not the same thing, its always something different each day.

catch you later & thanks

[*~*Beej*~*]

WHERE IS EVERYONE???

are you all ok out there?
Reet ~ are you settling in? and is it warmer? hows your daughter doing?
Mits ~ whats happening with you?
LC ~ hows all your lovely animals? and you were having a weekend away a while back? how was that?
Books ~ how are you ? are you keeping yourself busy?
Brucie ~ I'm missing you,
Angel ~ hope your weekend is awesome, I am trying to talk the hubby into buying a wee caravan so that we can take off for weekends, they certainly aren't cheap tho. but can be forever hopeful, and hows wee Abby?

I am thinking of re-homing my girl, as I don't know that I am good enough for her. Shes a high energy working dog that needs work and is naughty and wants to attack other dogs/cats, the thing is that before I had this darned disease it wouldn't of been an issue but some days I just dont have the energy to correct her and that of course makes it much much worse.

In saying all of this she is brilliant at home but I just dont trust her when we are out, and am always stressing about her and her behaviour when we are out. I have a very good friend who is happy to take her (as a last resort - if I cant sort her out) and shes brilliant, I trust her with my life and Suzys too, I just dont know what to do, I find her exhausting and stressful and wonder if I had no dog or a dog that didn't stress me if my health would get better quicker.

Can you guys please help me with your thoughts on this.

I do love my dog, BUT sometimes just loving a dog is not enough for the dog as you have to also be able to keep it (and everything around it) safe.

[earthangel4]

Just a quick reply,dp has decided to go today,Beej just know I am thinking of you and everyone in here.
Will catch up when we get back,I feel like a new person,you all take care now.
Love you all lots
Angelxxx

[logical-cents]

Our weekend away was good, thanks for asking Beej.

I have been around, just ready really and not much posting as been having a bit of a rough time lately. I had a sort of breakdown early last week, got overwhelmed, burst into tears and then yelled at D and told him he didn't care about me and was only worried about what he wanted to do. Ever since then I've been on the verge of tears over anything, been nauseas/vomiting, light headed, hardly any appetite, always tired and just generally can't be bothered.

I realised there was something wrong last night when I kicked the outside of the house (brick wall), and I started to put it all together and realised I was sinking back into depression - brought on by the stress of all the extra cats/kittens and one of the other ladies involved. I talked to D last night after Martial Arts and told him I felt like I couldn't handle it any more and that I really didn't want to go back downhill, he was really good and said we are out then and won't be involved any further. He done up our resignation for the trust today.

So the remaining cats/kittens were picked up from our house this morning and we are now left with our own 7 which is good. Means we can spend time with them and they can have 'their' house back as with all the others around they were starting to miss out on attention and our youngest boy had started spraying little bits so think he's been upset by all the others as well. Hoping our ones start to settle down a bit now and hang around more again.

Hope you are all well, EA I am pleased that your meds are working for you.

Beej in regards to your dog you need to think long and hard about what is best for her and for you. It would be very sad for you to let her go, but if she is causing you stress etc then maybe you need to think about re-homing her. Is there someone in your house that could perhaps take over a bit of the responsibility of her such as correcting her when she does something wrong?

You do need to think about your own health as well though. Try not to rush the decision though. Even though it hurt me to think about walking away from all these stray/sick/unwanted kittens, I knew I had to do it for my own well being.

[brucie261]

Beej hun please take things slowly with Suzy! Is there any way that your friend can take her for a week just so that you can see what life without is like! I am just starting to come to terms with not having Haze around, Since I had her pts in Sept I have been on the go ever since!! I was so use to being on edge and stressed out 24/7 when she was here! I spent 4 months keeping both Haze and Sabre separate and freaking out if they got out together as they would try kill each other! Since then I have had plans that keep me busy every waking moment as if I stop it will all come to the surface! I had my first hypnotheropy session the beginning of the week and had to get alot out before! This weekend is the first weekend that I havn't had a whole lot of plans!! I havn't even made one! Mr T has found it soooo hard as he likes to chill!! Please see if your friend can take her just so you can see how quiet it will be and that she won't be there for morning cuddles! Big hugs as I know how you feel!! xox

[max17]

Evening everyone. Sorry I have not been around. Apart from my crocheting keeping me a bit busy I have not bee on top of everything. As much as I am try to do the right thing I honestly don't know how much longer I can carry on. I have my own health issues going on where I am crook three to four days a week. I don't know if it is just strees related or not but It is getting me so down. On top of that I am ment to be there for my grandson. I know I sound so mean but there are times when I want it to go back to just Tom and I. I don't want Tom to have to be home to help me with this boy but I can;t cope on my own. He hardly sees his parents now. It is upto everyone else to help out. I am just not in a good space at the moment.

Hugs to every one

[*~*Beej*~*]

Hey Logical Cents

Isn't it awesome when "things" finally come together and you finally "get" what it is thats bugging you??

It takes me ages has sometimes been months to figure out whats setting me off, I know that something is winding me up but figuring it out is the trick, and then one day (normally when I've had an absolute gutsfulll and given up) it just pops into my head!!

and can I say WOW you have 7 cats of your own??? and then you had rescues on top, no wonder it got on top of you, thats huge!!

thanks heaps for your kind words with regards to the wee red wench, she is lovely, she is also the kind of dog that means that I have to constantly be on top of her ( and cant relax around her) which I find really and truly exhausting and that on top of my disease is wearing me out, and I also wonder if I am not the right kind of person for her ( as she is a working dog) and NEEDS MUST HAVE consistency, (which due to my health) she cant have, sometimes I think you just have to put the other one in your life more/ahead of yourself.

I dont know anything at the moment but I really do appreciate the words of wisdom that you shared thank you soo much.

I hope that you are starting to feel better now that your house is emptier of felines.

[*~*Beej*~*]

Beej hun please take things slowly with Suzy! Is there any way that your friend can take her for a week just so that you can see what life without is like! I am just starting to come to terms with not having Haze around, Since I had her pts in Sept I have been on the go ever since!! I was so use to being on edge and stressed out 24/7 when she was here! I spent 4 months keeping both Haze and Sabre separate and freaking out if they got out together as they would try kill each other! Since then I have had plans that keep me busy every waking moment as if I stop it will all come to the surface! I had my first hypnotheropy session the beginning of the week and had to get alot out before! This weekend is the first weekend that I havn't had a whole lot of plans!! I havn't even made one! Mr T has found it soooo hard as he likes to chill!! Please see if your friend can take her just so you can see how quiet it will be and that she won't be there for morning cuddles! Big hugs as I know how you feel!! xox

Hey matey, its not an over night decision, its something that I have been talking to my friend about (on and off ) since I've had her, I have never been certain that I was good enough (or well enough to do her justice) my friend helps me heaps, but I am finding now that the stress levels are making me ill, and after every walk with her I need to pill up and sleep. I'm advised that its my attitude that I need to be harder/firmer with her ( more the boss) but that's not me, I just aren't the kind of person that can be constantly on my toes and watch all the time and discipline all the time.

this is a realisation that is coming home more and more, and lately I have been taking time to try and figure out me, and I am getting there slowly, and what I do know is that the more that I de-stress the better/weller I am.

and the thing is that I really do struggle with being ill all the time and not being able to cook or being a part of the family, chilling out with my lads or playing with them, some days are spent in bed, I'm sooo tired of it, I just want a portion of what I had back,

so that's where I'm at and you see the thing is that IF she does get re-homed she'll be in an awesome home, if I was to die and come back re-incarnated as a dog, that's who I want to own me.

its all a process and we shall see, its funny tho cos the hubby is gutted (everyone loves the wee wench) but he can see what my thoughts are & the logic behind them.

I hope you are going to enjoy your weekend of doing nothing.

[*~*Beej*~*]

Evening everyone. Sorry I have not been around. Apart from my crocheting keeping me a bit busy I have not bee on top of everything. As much as I am try to do the right thing I honestly don't know how much longer I can carry on. I have my own health issues going on where I am crook three to four days a week. I don't know if it is just strees related or not but It is getting me so down. On top of that I am ment to be there for my grandson. I know I sound so mean but there are times when I want it to go back to just Tom and I. I don't want Tom to have to be home to help me with this boy but I can;t cope on my own. He hardly sees his parents now. It is upto everyone else to help out. I am just not in a good space at the moment.

Hugs to every one

Max,

sending you huge huge hugs, I really do understand where you are at, and wish that I could help you out, but really theres no easy answer for me to give you, I wish there was.

look after you matey, take whatever time you need to do that wont you.

sometimes the right thing to do is (on the face of it) the hardest thing to do.
but you just KNOW that down the track it will pay off.

look after you.

[logical-cents]

Hey Logical Cents

Isn't it awesome when "things" finally come together and you finally "get" what it is thats bugging you??

It takes me ages has sometimes been months to figure out whats setting me off, I know that something is winding me up but figuring it out is the trick, and then one day (normally when I've had an absolute gutsfulll and given up) it just pops into my head!!

and can I say WOW you have 7 cats of your own??? and then you had rescues on top, no wonder it got on top of you, thats huge!!

thanks heaps for your kind words with regards to the wee red wench, she is lovely, she is also the kind of dog that means that I have to constantly be on top of her ( and cant relax around her) which I find really and truly exhausting and that on top of my disease is wearing me out, and I also wonder if I am not the right kind of person for her ( as she is a working dog) and NEEDS MUST HAVE consistency, (which due to my health) she cant have, sometimes I think you just have to put the other one in your life more/ahead of yourself.

I dont know anything at the moment but I really do appreciate the words of wisdom that you shared thank you soo much.

I hope that you are starting to feel better now that your house is emptier of felines.

Yea, it wasn't till I kicked the wall I knew something was wrong and started to put it all together. It's about the first time ever that I have put myself first. Yes we do have 7 of our own and have missed being able to spend time with them. Beginning of last week we had 28 rescues in our house and not enough crates to put them all in so have had to get stains (from not using litter box) out of the spare room carpet and will have to do our bedroom too.

Hope I start feeling better soon though, still been bit teary today and been vomiting a bit tonight which sucks and no-one is home, D will be home in about an hour.

Tomorrow we have a Saturday session for our course that we are doing, have to stand up and do a Pepeha and also a 3 minute presentation on someone we think is a good leader and have to say a bit about them and 5 qualities that make them a good leader. I don't have a clue who I am doing as a leader and not sure how to pronounce most of the words in the Pepeha so tomorrow should be interesting as I also really not feeling up to it at the moment.

[brucie261]

Good morning Beautiful people!
Missing everyone!!!
xox

[earthangel4]

Our weekend away was good, thanks for asking Beej.

I have been around, just ready really and not much posting as been having a bit of a rough time lately. I had a sort of breakdown early last week, got overwhelmed, burst into tears and then yelled at D and told him he didn't care about me and was only worried about what he wanted to do. Ever since then I've been on the verge of tears over anything, been nauseas/vomiting, light headed, hardly any appetite, always tired and just generally can't be bothered.

I realised there was something wrong last night when I kicked the outside of the house (brick wall), and I started to put it all together and realised I was sinking back into depression - brought on by the stress of all the extra cats/kittens and one of the other ladies involved. I talked to D last night after Martial Arts and told him I felt like I couldn't handle it any more and that I really didn't want to go back downhill, he was really good and said we are out then and won't be involved any further. He done up our resignation for the trust today.

So the remaining cats/kittens were picked up from our house this morning and we are now left with our own 7 which is good. Means we can spend time with them and they can have 'their' house back as with all the others around they were starting to miss out on attention and our youngest boy had started spraying little bits so think he's been upset by all the others as well. Hoping our ones start to settle down a bit now and hang around more again.

Hope you are all well, EA I am pleased that your meds are working for you.

Beej in regards to your dog you need to think long and hard about what is best for her and for you. It would be very sad for you to let her go, but if she is causing you stress etc then maybe you need to think about re-homing her. Is there someone in your house that could perhaps take over a bit of the responsibility of her such as correcting her when she does something wrong?

You do need to think about your own health as well though. Try not to rush the decision though. Even though it hurt me to think about walking away from all these stray/sick/unwanted kittens, I knew I had to do it for my own well being.

Many,many angel hugs to you.xxxxooo

[earthangel4]

Hello all,
I am home,I came home a couple of days ago,could not sleep so DP bought me home.
I did have a lovely time away but got so bored,just love my home,lol.
Dp is still away,he is only half an hour away,so will be home tomorrow.
Another beautiful day here.
Beej sure hope you are ok.
Like lc has said your health comes first,you do what is best for you .
Sending you all angel hugs
Angelxxxxx

[*~*Beej*~*]

*~* HI ALL *~*

I have had a lovely holiday up north with a very special friend and relaxed alot nd enjoyed myself immensely, altho I got very homesick and by the time it was time to come home I was really glad to see my family. (altho am missing my friend) but you cant have it bith ways

My friend has helped me alot with the wee wench and I am learning to accept that due to this illness I just HAVE to find ways to manage my life better and I HAVE to not feel guilty for what I cant do. I MUST just accept it and find ways to manage it.

The dogs problems were/are my fault and I have got on board now (thank goodness) ways to manage her better. YEEHA

My health has taken a huge dip and I have been to the doctors today and walked away from the chemist feeling like I have half of it, but thats all good hopefully it will help me to get on top of it.

where is everyone? I hope you are all ok???

[Paddy]

G'day there, You Lot - hows it going?

Yeah, here too. Fun, innit eh?

Saw me GP today. Meh. I gotta increase me anti-mads dosage - bugger. Paroxetine I think its called. Prozac by any other name. Oh joy.

Have a good night and stay safe and be happy - its confuses folk when we're happy.

Paddy.

[*~*Beej*~*]

G'day there, You Lot - hows it going?

Yeah, here too. Fun, innit eh?

Saw me GP today. Meh. I gotta increase me anti-mads dosage - bugger. Paroxetine I think its called. Prozac by any other name. Oh joy.

Have a good night and stay safe and be happy - its confuses folk when we're happy.

Paddy.

Hey Paddy

are you bummed about having to increase your anti- mads? it never worries me now if I have to increase mine, as they keep me "kinda" sane, which of course makes life easier for everyone around me.

sorry haven't been in here for ages, I was trying to concentrate on a few other "areas" in my life, I give up.
I need to be healthy emotionally/mentally first (IF thats actually possible???) so am going to stay posting in here.

I was also trying to concentrate on the other thread, because of it getting "newbies" on there that need/want support (& I would like to be in a position to help/support them) but everytime I see that selfish oxygen theif Ferrit in there it just pisses me right off, and that ruins my day, (I'll sure that will make him very happy) and I wish that I was a stronger person to not be bothered by idiots like him, but I'm not, so I'm going to stay away from that thread now fullstop and HOPE that the rest of the crew will not leave me lonely in here.

anyhoo its mums day today and theres no money in the kitty (spare) for the lads to buy me a pressie, (the hubby has money but he'd rather NOT spend it on me as he thinks its mums day is a commercial rip off!!) and that really hurts me, but theres not alot that I can do so today the lads said that they would help me to clear off my porch (which seems to be the dumping ground for "dead" scooters, tools, saw horses etc ) so I am excited about that as am very very keen to "enjoy" my porch. When the weather is fine I sit out on my puckaroo swing seat and watch and listen to the tuis and wood pigeons as we have a reserve that starts on the other side of our back yard!! sooo lucky and I haven't been able to do that for a while, and I NEED to make sure that I can relax and enjoy life more. Whaddya think peoples??

just got a phone call from my most favourite daughter (& only daughter) she lives in Ozzie, and she has a wee poppet who is just sooo very precious to me, the wee poppet has grown up over there and we talk (& now that she has another laptop - last one got washed by said wee poppet) we skype and she is just such a joy, and of course I have an awesome wee grand son too, who is just coming up to 6months, so I am soo lucky.

well guys thats alot I'm hoping that you are all well.

LC ~ how are you this weekend?? are you still looking for a job? that must be quite stressful for you?

Reet ~ hows the house coming along? and your daughter is she still wanting to leave school?

Earthangel ~ how are you? I'm guessing that life is going good for you? with your more sociable hours and being able to spend more time with your partner now?

Mits ~~ hows life with you and your studies, I wish that I could study, I find that I am struggling to think clearly for long, (which I know is my disease but its frustrating) but would love to study and be able to work again.

gosh guys I cant even remember who all is on here, sooo sorry if I've missed you out, the brain is emptying out quick!!

have a great day all

[Paddy]

Hiya Beej, and good to see ya here again. Ferrit Free and all, yay!

Thats an interesting question about my meds. Like you, 'tis just another pill in the already large handful so in that respect I'm not bothered. What gazumped me was I didn't see it coming, so it was a surprise. Here was me doing me best 'Look Doctor, I'm sane again' act and he wasn't taken in by it. And I wasn't drooling, blowing bubbles or nothing.

I must need to practice harder at this sane stuff - sounds like its harder to pull off than I thought, lol.

Paddy.

[*~*Beej*~*]

Hiya Beej, and good to see ya here again. Ferrit Free and all, yay!

Thats an interesting question about my meds. Like you, 'tis just another pill in the already large handful so in that respect I'm not bothered. What gazumped me was I didn't see it coming, so it was a surprise. Here was me doing me best 'Look Doctor, I'm sane again' act and he wasn't taken in by it. And I wasn't drooling, blowing bubbles or nothing.

I must need to practice harder at this sane stuff - sounds like its harder to pull off than I thought, lol.

Paddy.

Nah matey

I reckon being sane isn't all its "cracked up" to be!! (pun intended)

life sometimes just comes and gets us and bites us in the arse aye?

I too find that sometimes when I'm feeling great (or I think I'm feeling great) I sure as heck ain't coming across as great to anyone else.

and being Ferrit free is brilliant, I dont like vermin,

[logical-cents]

I am fed up of this and D is starting to get annoyed at the fact that I'm always sick or in pain lately (and that I don't have a job). I think he thinks it is all in my head which is what the doctor probably thinks too. So today who cares about how I'm feeling, no-one else is home all morning so I'll put some music on and starting making sure the walls/roof etc are clean for our house inspection next week.

[MusicOnMyMind]

Hey folks,

Hoping this stormy weather stays on the outside... although for myself I've found it seems to have seeped in between my ears a bit. It's all a bit soggy right now.

I got "ambushed" today by my treatment team. It seems they are either trying to psych me out, or exaggerate things for court tomorrow (I've requested court review as don't think I need to be in hospital). So a very cooperative and reasonable team literally turned on me. Trying to stay calm so the bastards don't win... but lordy I just wanna go home!

Looks like I may either have to take a large chunk of leave, or resign from work too.

It's all just a wee bit much right now.

[logical-cents]

Hi musiconmymind,

Are you in a mental health/addictions hospital?? I get what you mean by just wanting to go home. Good luck for court tomorrow.


At the moment, I've been in tears yet again (second time today), am thinking I need to go back onto Lithium or some form of medication as mood has been quite low lately, also been getting some not good thoughts again (haven't acted on them and don't have plans to so don't worry). It's about the third or fourth time this week I've gotten upset over nothing or little things. Fed up with everything at the moment, kinda wish there was someone around that I could talk (or not) too, or just, sit there, I dunno.

Take care all.

[MusicOnMyMind]

Logical: yeah I'm in hospital. That's apparently what happens when you're honest about how bad it gets.

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time too. I hear you on the tears - my eyes feel like barbed wire right now thanks to the meeting earlier.

Will pop on chat for a bit if you want some real-time company?

[Sponsored content]