How supportive is your partner?

I had a really bad morning after husband criticised me one time too many for not being quite up to speed - I find that I am quite a bit slower reacting to things now, physically and mentally, and it drives him nuts. But he makes no concessions for me at all...he is very short tempered, and usually when he has a tanty I leave him to it and ignore him, but when I am feeling down it really hits home and feels very personal.

I had to leave the house and use a friend's place for a bolthole for a good cry til I felt better.

I just get so frustrated that I can't get through to him what it is like living with this illness and the medication effects. He seems to think I use it as an excuse to slack off/slow down/opt out, when all I am trying to do is keep my head above water and take care of me.

Its hard when the person who is supposed to be closest to you doesn't understand what is happening. I suppose I am not the same person he married, but who is?

It seems to be a common thread on here - how many out there find themselves in the same situation? How many do find their partners understand, and how long did it take to get to that point?

((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))) My ex-wife was horrible about it. So I eventually dumped her. I now have a wonderfully understanding partner. The divorce was hell, I loved her, but could not be with her. It was a choice I had to make, and in the end it proved the best one. I'm not saying to leave, I'm just giving you my story. I hope you find your way. Maybe he needs education, maybe a short hard kick in the pants, but what is true is you must do what is best for you. I hope this helps! All my love to you....

What amazes me is that during my last bad meltdown, I really think he was scared shitless by it all and sorta understood...but the moment I go back to any sort of normality, its like I must be better. So it has to be psycho or normal, nothing in between - and thats not how it is, as we all know...

He sounds as if he has troubles he has not dealt with and is pasing on to you.

My partner supports Me 100%.
I mustve done something RIGHT!

Im at my wits end with mine, am almost ready to say that its , all over .
ill end up so bad off money wise, and the girls wont understand, but i think its the best thing for me(sometimes)
i just cant find the balls to do it.
the dreams that ive had with him will be over, it will make them completly gone. marrage and more children might not be for me, but i so very much want those things. but its not fair to bring a child into this world when we might not stay together.
im so mixed up.
i know that i can be by myself, ive done it before.
oh i dont know.

Kids

You have enough to deal with at the moment without making that life changing decision just yet!

Perhaps stress here is a major factor for you both at the moment.

We love you and will support you in any decision you make but I feel at this time you have enough on your plate.

Let go and let god today Kids

Hugs

Monsta

Now, this may sound a bit much coming from me who is without a partner but I feel I have to say it anyway! lol

I know that its hard when we feel unsupported and misunderstood and those feelings are often magnified at times of stress and our 'low' periods.

I also understand how difficult it can be living with someone who has our health issues.

Please remember, my experience, of pushing my partner so far and destroying our relationship beyond reconciliation. Yes we had the alcoholism to deal with as well but even without it I know he struggled to know how to support me and to cope with my constant mood swings.

Sometimes the ones we love and who love us just dont know how best to help us and they are too afraid of stuffing up and hurting us more and so they come off as being unsupportive when really they are just as scared and confused as we are. They are not trained counsellors and they are not like us so they simply dont know and we are often not clear howto help ourselves and so not able to tell them how to help us either.

Give them a break.

Of course, this is only my opinion and experience, and I most certainly am not advocating anyone staying in a realtionship that is emotionally or physically dangerous! If thats the case let me know and Ill personally come and get you!

I love you all and hope you can find a way to show your partners how to help (when you figure it out yourselves) and that they are receptive to your instruction.

Hugs

Monsta

I think it is very important for our family and friends to feel supported when they support us. We have to try and tell them specific things they can do to support us, because they cannot read our minds. It is well recognised that primary carers and others trying to care often have a huge burden. They are not trained as nurses, yet take on that role as the health system does not take care of everything.
I think I am very lucky having a partner who has a major mental illness, so he understands acutely what dreadful things I experience, and I understand what he experiences. Our respective illness' do make us very tired, and we tend to give the best to each other and our relationship and leftover energy goes to anyone else. We each remember if we are arguing, the relationship is the important thing.
My mother has been involved with Manawatu Supporting Families for many years. It was created by a group of parents of people diagnosed with schizophrenia, because back then, parents especially mothers were not treated with much respect or given information by mental health services, yet they often had to care for very unwell sons and daughters.
The organisation has expanded to include family support for other mental illness and also slowly (!) providing a place for consumers (apologies to those who dislike the term) It does not just provide a listening ear, information and advocacy is also accessible.
It is so frustrating to have an illness that has such a huge impact on all ones relationships, at the very least I wish all spouses and parents and perhaps siblings would read a couple of pamphlets and learn a few facts. But I think often the biggest problem is they are so scared and cannot find the words to say they are scared.

My hubby can be a bit nasty, as i'm a little clumsy and a bit slow to things sometimes, and lately he's been calling me a druggy cause i'm on antidepressants. But he's not as supportive as i'd like him to be, which is why i'm dragging him along to the Drs with me on friday. so he can meet my Dr and so the Dr can explain to him my situation. Maybe i can get him to have a checkup while i'm there.

DG, that is the sort of thing my husband does. If I take him up on it, he just says its a joke. His family call each other names a lot and can be quite nasty to each other in 'fun', so he sees nothing wrong with that. I have no problem with it when I am feeling okay about everything, but when I am down its like water torture...one little thing piled on another as far as silly jokes and name calling goes, and I lose it.

I can't seem to make him understand that its really hurtful. He's been to the doctor with me, knows the struggle I went through giving up alcohol for 3 years to prove that I could, has seen me at my worst and knows that I am not usually like that but - I still can't get through to him that his behaviour is not helping...

Have you tried hitting him with a hammer?

Don't tempt me - we are in the middle of building a new house (literally) and there are assorted hand and power tools handy

Last night i told my partner that we do not have a future.
im doing ok, alittle sad that the dreams that i had thought out are gone, but i realize that i will be better off in the long run...
very tired and drained, the anxiety levels are alittle high. and the mind seems to be working overtime without actually doing anything, not sure if that makes sense to any of you.

Hi kids, it's normal to feel sad at the 'death of dreams' - all kinds of dreams and plans - not easy to adjust to sometimes ... but there can be other 'dreams and plans' - I remember when I got out of my first marriage I was sad, but time goes on and who knows what possibilities are there for you! ..... Hugs for you .... Daze

((((hugs))) kids...

I have LEFT MY CHILDREN.
Cried for miles an miles...

sometimes,
after many many tries at bringing it together
you realise you are going crazy trying to make something happen that werent destined to happen,out of something that were destined to happen.Some things we have no control over...

How can you tell???
you hang on longer and see what it does to you,creatively
and notice the sadness in your childrens eyes,seeing their father broken
un-able to shed a tear,unable to earn a wage and to frighten to cry
and appear weak in front of them
thinking it may damage them.

What we have to do,we have to do.

Sure,
I love my Boys(comming to Ones marriage in NZ shortly)
but I have been so debilitated by loves mishap
I am lucky to be here, in TBBD,alive and still be their Father
even though we dont see enough of each other.

Get some proffessional help in your Relationship,if there is anychance of making it together,especially if there are children involved.

Thats enough ripping at my heart for a moment!
good luck!
everyone

You'll go through a grieving process for a while if you're anything like me. Some times up sometimes down. But ultimatly it gets much better. It will be undoubtedly alot better than living with verbal abuse.

A day for the you're a

exactly G'roach

getting to understanding 'the grieving process' in general would help the thinking part of our minds to make swift work through the grief
of loosing someone(or something)
thank you GuerrillaR

Since the Drs appointment he has been alot more understanding and asks me how i am and if i'm ok more now than he ever did and i'm starting to open up more and talk to him when i feel i need to talk. So everything is working out well.

lol
hubby is learning to listen to you Gurl.
thats a brilliant start.How deep is your Heart?

It is so Difficult for couples to adjust
when one has pain to deal with.
Yet,when you love someone
it is safe to be with them at their-own depth of despair,their depth of life-experience....
it also shows us,
the strength of ones own heart committmants.

go hubby!

I love him to bits and am glad that he is listening more and asking more and paying more attention to me. I feel like a princess again.