Struggling to Understand

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Struggling to Understand

Post by jm2010 on Wed Oct 27, 2010 8:38 am

Hi

I'm new to this so please be patient!

My father who is in his 70's suffers depression and has attempted suicide once and nearly succeeded (he spent time in hospital after this getting medication sorted etc). He has been stopped recently from another attempt and is now in hospital. I just can't get my head around this and am really struggling as to why things have got to this. He's never been a big talker, that's just who he is - but why is a grandfather who has a loving, caring family at this stage - he should be enjoying retirement. Does he not care about the wee grandkids?

My kids are young (under age 5) but one is old enough to understand things and will ask why is grandad in hospital etc etc and I'm just not sure if it's the right enviroment to take them into? I don't know what to say as it's never been talked about with him (the suicide attempts), and he just sit's there not saying anything anyway - I'm hurt and angry with him that he doesn't care or love us enough to want to take his own life.

Can anyone offer any advice?
Cheers

jm2010

Number of posts : 2
Location : Otago
Registration date : 2010-10-27

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Re: Struggling to Understand

Post by Guest on Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:56 am

Hi,

I am more use to dealing with suicide in a younger age group but may be able to give you a couple of ideas.

Suicide amoungest male retires is the third highest group from memory. A lot of older males find it hard to adjust to retirement. They go from working a 40 plus hours a week to nothing. They loose their since of purpose and identity.

Another factor is the loss of a life partner. I am only young (29) and my partner of almost three years past away and it really impacted me hugly. Still does even though its been two and a half years. So imangine what it is like when you have been with someone for 40 plus years.

A third factor and I am not saying this is the case here but is a common issue is they feel no longer needed as much by the family. The adult kids have established careers, established relationships be they defacto or married and their own lives. You may do your best to inculde your father in your lives by visiting, calls etc but his role has changed.

You are allowed to be hurt and angry at your father and I would suggest once he is stable you let him know your feelings as they are important but dont for one minute think he doesnt love or care for you and his grandkids.

I have a suicidal past and there is a high risk due to my diagnosies and mental health that I will take my own life. It doesnt mean I dont care and am grateful for my friends and support people (i don't have family). If it does happen I hope they understand this.

Now I am going to be a little contrivical here. I am saying the following based on my own views and experience with mental health and supproting friends with mental health issues who went on to commit suicide. I was sad and hurt when they took their lives but I came to accept they were at peace from the deamons (mental health issues, family/relationship issues, drugs, alchol etc) that were chaseing them. There is a lot to be said in fighting those demons but sometimes they get too strong.

Can I suggest you talk to a third party (counsellor, mental health advocate) so you can get help with what is happening with your father and your feelings around this, Then you can talk to your father and/or his care team at the hospital and find out what is happening for him.

I hope this helps a little bit.

Guest
Guest


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Re: Struggling to Understand

Post by jm2010 on Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:00 pm

Thank you for replying - I appreciate it. I am going to arrange to speak with someone about it, just hard to find the words or actually say them out loud.
Thanks again

jm2010

Number of posts : 2
Location : Otago
Registration date : 2010-10-27

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