DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!???!!!

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DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!???!!!

Post by woppow on Fri May 15, 2009 7:27 pm

My great friend committed suicide 3 months ago. Not a day goes by I dont fucken miss her!!!

Do people not understand when they take their lives they take others too! Every time I hear certain songs she liked or a new one I always think hmm, I wonder if Mo would of liked this soong. But then I think It doesnt matter shes dead. Sad


I wish I knew she was on the tracks again. I would of rang you and kept you talking until the police found you again. She was such an amazing, superb, awesome, tremendous, brilliant, excellent, fabulous, terrific 14 year old who wanted to be a doctor. And wanted to save peoples lives.

I confess I let her down. I could of done more. She could still be with us today She could be out playing water polo or going to the beach with her mates. She had mates alot of them that would of jumped thru fire just to make her smile.

She always hid her pain with a smile. People thought she was just playing games. Now shes isnt able to anymore. She was never playing games.

I should of stopped her from Self harming. I had her home number I should of rang her folks and told them where her blade was hidden.


If I was a better friend I wouldnt be sitting here in tears at just the bare thought of the 14 year old who I helped kill.

People tell me its not my fault as she never told me she was on the tracks But I was the last person to "talk/txt" her. But I knew something was up. and I didnt act. People also say that now she will be happy and at peace with herself. But thinking about it, I am not happy in the land of the living sooo does that mean its ok If I follow Monika??
Another thing people say Remember the good times. I DONT FUCKEN WANT TO REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES I WANT TO MAKE MORE GOOD TIMES! Sad

The hurt she left in this world will never go away. She was sooo beautiful and kindhearted.


I keep saying the saying that will never leave my mind "they had identified Monika by the name tags on her school uniform."

I want Monika MenartowicZ!!!!! She was sooo proud of her last name - "I am the only one in the whole New Zealand with that last name =D" - she kept telling me


Sorry. Please dont waste your time replying or even reading this. - today is just going to be a hard day to get thru - altho I dont want to get thru it. I want to see Monika I WANT HER BACK!!!1!!!!!! Sad
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woppow

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Age : 25
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Re: DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!???!!!

Post by Guest on Fri May 15, 2009 9:32 pm

Woppow I know you said please don't waste your time replying....

But I have to...... I am so truly sorry for you loss and proud of you too for giving voice to her life and what she means to you. She has a beautiful name and surname. Please try to let go of the blame... because you are not to blame Woppow - You were her beautiful friend!!!

I wish i had a magic wand to make you feel better, just know that I/We care about you. "I want to make good times" you will hun... hold on to the 'outdoor' course you are going to do. Keep making happy memories as hard as it is........

Arohanui (biglove)
poetry

I love you

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Re: DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!???!!!

Post by Guest on Fri May 15, 2009 10:22 pm

oh wop, I don't know what to say.

And you know that I always read what is on here, esp your posts. I wonder if a grief councoller (ex sp) would help.

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Re: DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!???!!!

Post by Guest on Fri May 15, 2009 11:46 pm

Do people not understand when they take their lives they take others too!

You've hit the nail on the heat right here. Every time I get so low that I start thinking about suicide, "noone will care" is one of the most prominent thoughts that goes through my mind. Please dont think of her as selfish. Think of them as having been very, very troubled.

If I was a better friend I wouldnt be sitting here in tears at just the bare thought of the 14 year old who I helped kill.

Woah Woah Woah Wop. There is a huge difference between helping kill someone, and preventing them from hurting themselves. YOU DID NOT help kill her. Could you have done more? Maybe. I'm sure if you had a time machine you would go back and do things differently. I'm 100% positive though, that you have learned from this tragedy. I guarantee you, the next time you see a friend who is struggling you will be there for them and you will be the the best friend you can be. We can't change the past, unfortunately, but we can learn from it.

It's great that you remember your friend, and think of her so fondly. I'm pretty sure, she would not want to see you carrying this burden of guilt.
Thats all I can muster for now. I hope it helps.

JK

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Re: DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!???!!!

Post by Guest on Sat May 16, 2009 1:30 am

I couldn't have said it better Jaffa,

Man I hate it when I am lost for words...it doesn't happen often!

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Re: DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!???!!!

Post by _wizza_ on Mon May 18, 2009 6:14 am

(((BIG HUGS))) geez woppow,im sorry you lost your dear friend...i to, have lost people due to suicide and it leaves so many unanswered questions and so many what ifs?. please DO NOT blame yourself,this was a decision she made.

your grieving and you have every right to do so. in saying that there are 5 steps to the grief process,im not very good at explaining things (lol) so i have copy and pasted it from a website (am i allowed to do that??)

1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.

2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.

3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.

4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.

5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.
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Re: DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!???!!!

Post by Guest on Mon May 18, 2009 8:12 am

hey wop haven't heard fromyou for a while..how's things

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Re: DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!???!!!

Post by woppow on Tue May 19, 2009 5:16 am

Not good. Sad

but I am meeting my CSW tomorrow so yeah see what comes out of that. Crying or Very sad
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woppow

Number of posts : 168
Age : 25
Location : Christchurch
Registration date : 2009-04-12

http://www.makeadifference.co.nz

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Re: DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!???!!!

Post by Guest on Tue May 19, 2009 6:37 am

good luck then, your a great young lady -
keep us posted ay?

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Re: DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!???!!!

Post by Guest on Tue May 19, 2009 6:47 am

Thinking of you woppow (((Hugs))))
Was awesome chatting to you, you have a wonderful sense of humour....so many giggles. Take care

Poetry
I love you

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Re: DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!???!!!

Post by Guest on Sun May 24, 2009 1:40 am

hey woppow - how did you get on?

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Re: DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!???!!!

Post by Guest on Fri Jun 12, 2009 9:33 pm

keep in touch wop when you are out?

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