People suck

Ok I'll acknowledge I'm in a pretty foul mood now but I will try and be as diplomatic about this as possible.

I suffer from depression, and sometimes I want someone to offload to. These are the types of responses that really don't help

1. Is there somebody you can talk to? (I'm talking to you aren't I!)
2. Cheer up Mr! (Oh thanks, you just instantly solved all my problems without having to hear about them! Go you.)
3. Small talk. (I'm here on this forum because something is upsetting me I don't wanna talk about the fucking weather)

All of the above are just classic avoidance. They say "I understand your down but I can't be bothered trying to understand, or to help you solve your problem". Yep, I think lots of people deserve credit for pretending to care... few deserve credit for actually being there and actually being of any help.

When I want a friend to do the right thing by me, I want them to listen to me. I want them to understand what is frustrating me.
The superficial nod and "there there" is something I can do without.

</rant>

Solve your problem. That is the key to getting better.
Talking alone won't help, I don't think, if they don't know how to help.
Do you know what your problem is? You see, I don't, it changes from day to day with how I feel so I can understand why it can be so frustrating for you.
If you know the root cause of your depression, you need to go back and deal with it. We all need closure before we can move on.
I know facing what hurt you will be hard but it's the only way, that's where you can get your friends to help you plan the next step in getting better.

That wasn't said well. Talking is good, keep talking, but it's hard for our friends, they feel powerless when it comes to helping us. It's not that they don't care, but they can't understand what you are going through if they have never suffered depression themselves. You need to talk to people who understand how you feel and what you are going through, and the rest need to be shown how they can help.

These are the majority of responses I get from people on this site. I am definitely trying to solve the problem... you have no idea of the extent I go to to try and become happier. But yes, when nothing I do appears to be working, and noone else seems able to help as well, I do become frustrated, as exhibited by my initial post last night.

I have to say I have said those 3 things up there, 1st one is usually because it can be good to talk someone who knows you and your situation, other 2 because I don't know what else to say, but feel helpless and want to try and help in some form.

Sometimes it is hard to talk to others when theyre going thru a rough time. I dont expect people to understand what Im going thru when Im down. Especially when they dont know the full story, or when *I* dont even know whats going on in my head. Even when they try, they don't always get it.

I think we all try our hardest to help here but sometimes we just can't. But despite that we still try.

And I agree it is frustrating when it seems like nothing is getting better, and no one understands, and you still try everything else possible.

I truely do hope that something works soon jaffa so that you feel happier and keeps you happy

I'm kinda curious as to why you feel that folk on this site should listen and should understand?

The way I see it, many of us have issues of our own to live with and and whilst it can be diverting and therefore temporarily useful to focus on someone elses pain or anger or frustration or whatever, ultimately, I suspect, we are more concerned about just getting ourselves thru the day. Selfish? Sure, why not. We're human, after all.

Small talk? Don't you think thats just a wee bit ignorant or maybe arrogant?

I don't come on here to solve everyones problems, I come here cos I want and need some company. Sure, I'm a sad fuck and my only source of company is via the Internet most days, but thats my problem, not anyone elses.

Personally, I am grateful for the opportunities to share small talk with folk occasionally and if someone needs to talk and I'm feeling like I have the energy to spare, I might choose to listen, but if I can't be bothered, I won't. And why should I? Similarly, I don't automatically expect anyone to listen to my thoughts or woes or whatever - so if they do, thats a bonus the way I see it.

Maybe your expectations of what TBBD can offer you, are skewed? I dunno. But its not Samaritans, or Lifeline, or Best Buddies and its definately not Friends Who Always Listen and Never Have Issues Of Their Own.

But, it is a place where you can have your say and surely thats useful, even if no one seems to be listening?

People choose to join TBBD - but that choice doesnt obligate them to take on the role of counsellor or bosom buddie - not for any of us.

So please, don't dis other Members for not giving you whatever attention it is you feel you are owed, cos mate, its not owed. Not here at TBBD it isn't. It may be offered, but it is not owed. Not to me, not to any member, as far as I can tell.

Sometimes there are medical reason that we are depressed. If you can't pull out of it, then this might be the case. Has your Dr sent you for blood tests for other passable causes, if not you need to ask him to do that. You might need to have your medication checked as well. The problems that I have that cause my depression are probably completely different to yours, so I can't pretend to know what it's like to walk in your shoes, but i do know what it's like to feel like you are right now and words can't take the pain away. A major depression needs professional help and medication to raise your serotonin levels back to normal. All you can do at the moment is hang in there until the right help is found for you. Also, keep talking to u no matter how you feel at the moment, just one word might spark a new idea on how we might be able to help you find the help that you need.

Thank you peoples. I think more than anything I just needed to vent some frustration. I do have expectations of people, and perhaps I need to re-evaluate those, and I guess Paddy has made me re-think what this site is here for. I don't think its unreasonable though, to think that people here would have a better understanding of what it's like to suffer depression.

Paddy, no, membership does not obligate anyone to have to support others... but when friendships are established as a result of this site... I personally expect my friends to care. I don't think thats unreasonable.

Hi Jaffa, Good to see you here again. Pleae don’t think we’re all picking on you. We’ll all have our own comments to make.

Verbalising is good for you BUT remember the person you’re talking with (sounding board) may have had a bad day themselves or be very tired.

Contracts are a good way to meet both people’s needs when communicating or needing an ear to listen.

We’re not trained counsellors – we need boundaries for ourselves – even trained people have quite strict boundaries for themselves ….. eg. They aren’t available late at night, weekends, and any other time they set up for themselves. Other agencies provide those ‘other time’ services.

I KNOW depression is hard to live with, and through – Is it time for you to see a trained person for a top-up? Only you will know – even if you’re not sure!

I have learnt I have to meet my own needs - and there are quite a few! - as far as possible – but I also know that I can have some assistance if I need it.

I do not see the comments you mention as ‘classic avoidance’ - that is your interpretation - sometimes people really don’t know what to say to help. Remember there is ‘to me-ness’ and ‘to you-ness’ – we all think differently and things are perceived differently by each of us.

I really enjoy the chatroom ‘banter’ – sometimes it takes me ‘out of myself’ and reminds me that there are other things in my world apart from depression! I am not minimising your feelings, or your need to talk with someone on a deeper level.

Take special care Jaffa, …. Daze

I have found that I see what I want to see.
When I was depressed I saw nothing but horrible things.
everyone seemed out to get me.
Nothing ever seemed to go right.
When I started meditating and truly listening to the things that I tell myself.
I discovered that I told myself horrendous things.
I discovered that I was screwing myself up.
I would see someone laugh and think it was me that they found funny.
I wouldn't want to wait for news because I assumed it was going to be bad.

Now I tell myself positive things.
Remind myself all the time of the good things that happen.
The good people I have met.
And you know what has happened.
I no longer see so much bad.
It was me who gave that shade to things.
I no longer care what others laugh at.
I'm just happy for their mirth.

I suffered from abuse since I was little.
I had PTSD as long as I can remember.
I suffer still from ADHD.
AND I FEEL SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER SINCE I DID THIS.
I'm not saying I found that silver bullet.
I'm not saying that this will work for you.
But it did work for me.

GR,
its good that you express yourself in the manyways you do here,
as it allows others to say the things they wanna say.
I really enjoyed Paddies Post upstairs.

I am hearing that you 'tell yourself
negative things aswell as positive things' in the Hope of Floating your Boat the right way up so as you manage to carryout the goals you have set yourself in your Life.
I see that you are totally into the mind
and this is a good thing(we gotta know how to ride the Bull)
but it can be all consumming at times,
along the Way.

Getting trapped in the mind is easy!
If we benefit from fantasy,we will also be shown the opposite will come about in due course.Reality is a great teacher.

With your Meditations,
you must look for the way to relax your Mind.
That takes time and then one day you go about coaxing it with the appropriate foodstuffs to show it
that you are its Friend.
Making friends with the mind is mapped-out in many of the religious and philosophical groups about in the world.I dont think it is advisable to join a group,as that may lead to Other-Difficulties arising and you dont need that at this Stage.But,certainly look into OTHER meditation techniques that are available.
There are some which work with the emotional body as well as the Mind and some that only work with the Mind itself.
I suspect you have been trying to work within the mind only
This can cause problems in the heart if we are one sided.


Did you looked into the Meditation thread
we have here in TBBD MD somewhere???

If you wanna peruse this and post me there,or privately
I will endeavor to return your comments or questions when I get the time.
(I also Work)

I find you fascinating,
and hope you are able to see that I am
NOT AT ALL AGAINST YOU HERE.

Youre refreshing in your search to get it RIGHT!

write again sometime!
with love
GM

Hi Grease Monkey. I'm just wondering if all of your post was meant for GR, or if any of it was intended for me?

In other news... I took my first step towards getting professional help today. My first session with an ACC approved psycho-therapist. She seemed nice but theres a bit of beauracracy we have to go through first before I get into the deep stuff with her...

I find myself getting increasingly grumpier these days. Sigh. that annoys me cos I was like this before I went back on meds too.

Hey jaffa.....it would seem you have the ball rolling....that's excellent.....not gonna say anything else but good on ya for making a step in the right direction.....not always an easy thing to do....

[quote="jaffakiwi"]Hi Grease Monkey. I'm just wondering if all of your post was meant for GR, or if any of it was intended for me?

wow!
I do recall exp a headyness at the Time
jaffa...
Now ,you got me there....
lol
GM
ps,
so glad youre making headway into psychotherapy.
I have a great Old Bloke here that is indespensible
with His experience and techniques to keep you moving.
I wish I could Clone Him
and send him over.

Good on ya jaffa! Im yet to make that step so I know how hard it is..

If it was intended for me, I'm fine thanks GM. I'm a practising Gnostic and discovered a fulfilled balance in my life some time ago. You are right that balance comes from embracing all the pillars of good health; socio-cultural, spiritual, physical, and mental. I am into holistic progression also. Thanks for your concern. You truly have a good and kind heart.

finding the rt person to work with
is important.
There are many out-there that have learnt the technical stuff,the know-how,have gone to school etc,but one must search for the life-Experienced Councilors.That may mean that they dont have the certificates on the wall,they maynot have a desk between you and them,they may not be anybody or in fact somebody you already know,but havnt had the chance to speak to yet!

Ppl with life experience are not in any hurry,cause they know the opposite of pressure is what you need.They know that TRUST is at the heart of Healing,and two ppl can be in this same heart at the same time.

Shop about,listen to Others speaking of therapists they have known,or their friend is seeing,therapists that have a strong track record,have been around awhile,and are not going anywhere.

The life experienced person is settled.
You cant rattle them.
They have the time for you,and can offer you ways around obstacles
that block your way.Sometimes we go into it like we are in combat,and choose the thickest most challenging bit to start at;but maybe there is a thinner part somewhere,with a small thread hanging out
that just needs a gentle unfurling.

Trust is important.
If you dont trust the One youre with,
slide outa there fast and look about for someone
that has the qualities
youre looking for
in yourself.

Guerrilla Roach wrote:If it was intended for me, I'm fine thanks GM. I'm a practising Gnostic and discovered a fulfilled balance in my life some time ago. You are right that balance comes from embracing all the pillars of good health; socio-cultural, spiritual, physical, and mental. I am into holistic progression also. Thanks for your concern. You truly have a good and kind heart.

LOLol,GR

I started out with you in mind,sure
and then found myself in a spin
and wondered if i were speaking to jaffa at the time.
How could this possibly happen?
look forward to your opinion
cheers

ps,
gnostic?
is that a religious approach in life?

No idea GM lol

Gnosticism is not so much a religion as a lifestyle. It is a set of ideas that have heaps in common with Buddhism. It is also very hard to describe I am finding lol. If you wish to research the subject, you can find heaps online. I personally steer clear of dogma though. I prefer the mystical approach. It is also important to note that most Gnostic writings are metaphoric and should never be taken literally. I believe that it is the theme that is important.

If we ever get a chance to talk in person I would be happy to discuss this set of ideas with you. However, I find that writing is a long process in this respect. Anyway for a blog link I like on the subject, check out - http://gnosis4all.blogspot.com/

I hope that you find this helpful.

aha!
you an I have much more incommon
that what we think!

Ive been mystic since 27yrs
after going insearch of my Father soon after His Death.
At 14,I told the HdMaster and the Vocational Guidance officer that were trying to make me serious about life,
that 'I would be dead at 27 years so I didnt have to take life seriously'.
At 27 my Father Died.
Life became serious.

We should met up someday.
I think its a two-way thing.
I am also un-religious
prefering truth
myself.

GM

I'd like that GM I am always interested in meeting new and interesting people. Yes, I have thought for awhile that we share very similar points of view on many subjects expressed on this site.

I discovered the mystic approach through research. But it didn't find its home in my world until I had, what my partner refers to as, my epiphany. I was sitting at work, feeling low, when it all suddenly made crystal clear sense. It was an amazing moment. It changed me in many ways. This was almost 2 years ago.

how does an epiphany work (sorry only seen it in the Simpsons)

An epiphany is a realisation of a truth that previously was hidden from view. It is a sudden 'light bulb moment' that changes ones point of view. Have you ever been struggling with a problem, not knowing what to do or think, and then out of the blue the answer just dawns on you? Well that is an epiphany. You have most likely had many throughout your life, in many different circumstances. It is a moment where the confusing suddenly makes perfect sense.

ahhh...thanks for that..

how do you 'do' and epiphany?