Woppow

I thought I would give this a go. As I cant sleep yet again!!

okkkk


Hmmm, well, I am in a shit head space. i am not even ok. I am just alive. I am breathing. However I feel emptiness, bleakness, anguish, pain, misery and just generally lost(iness?).



Its taken me about half an hour just to get that down.


ok, but something good about my day. My bag of crap got shipped. and I should be getting it Tuesday or Wednesday. I got takeaways for tea although I hardly ate any I had about 3 mouth fills.

Bad things, I once again broke the big work computer - meaning a HUGE telling off or worst!. sorry weekend shift (they have ALOT of work they have to get thru) I got about 2 and half hours sleep. I cant buy a new XT cellphone. My pay is all stuffed up AGAIN. I havent seen my dad in now 4 days (no thats a good thing, no its not it means he doesnt care) I feel like shit for no real reason. I havent seen my brother in 2 days. no 3 now, My teeth REALLY hurt. A mate of mine could be dead. I am jumping at everything. I might have to go thru ACC for counseling. some bitch told me I was attention seeking.

thinking about it, I can see why shes thinks I am attention seeking. Because one minute I as high as a kite next I want to top myself. well mainly Its more I always want to top myself. Maybe I should just hurry up already. I really dont know.

I dont want to be in control of my life. hahaha I am not even in control. I just wish someone made all the choices for me.

That will do for now. As someone on here says (I think LC?) my eyes are starting to yet again leak.

good for you wop, I will watch with interest, look after yourself

Well, My mum told me within the next couple of days she is moving out. and I cant go with her. So I am going to be stuck here with my good for nothing old man.

I ended up cutting last night. I tryed really really hard not to. but in the end I just couldnt help it

But on the plus side. I am going to give it until Thursday morning to decided If I am going to stay in the land of the living. As I am meeting my CSW on Wednesday and she might Be able to I dont know, somehow get me out of this hole. or something.

gidday from australia Woppow,
its just a bad here in australia
when you go down
underground.

Spaces black-as we see about us,
are when we shine in one direction
only.
We are Light inside,
but if we look at it
the LIGHT goes out!

Mind is a fascination of Mine.
Its kept me in Jail for years
whilst i study the way it works
and the way it Dosnt.

Mostly,
it dosnt.

I have to work my own mind,
and in doing so I find-out
what is Hopeless and without question the wrong thing
and what is the right thing
(for a firken change ehhh!)

But one thing i noticed about Mind
is that I cant trust IT!

Mind has the habit of letting you down
just when you think youre on-top of it
(or have it in Hand,or in control)
the eggs fall outa the basket
and onto the concrete pavement.

Life is unfortunate
experienced in the mind I reckon....
as it gaves a false impression about what is!
'What is' were before we were borned into this world,
before we named everything,
and listened to others.

They didnt know,
they were fully conditioned also.

Mankind is in the shit!
There are few of us
that are looking for a wayout
of this decieptful mind world.

Sad it can be, when we make the minutest movement toward
seeking our way out of our miserable-minds,
darkness decreases
and the Light which we truelly are
comes back inside us,
like a turn around
where it were when we was Born.

Yes ,
we got borned into this crazy world
and we gotta find a way out this maze
into an ajacint paddock
where the Grass aint been ate,
where its constantly growing!

Between here n there
in the blink of time
when something mysterious happens.
Go there,
in that direction.
Thats the way Out!

Hi Woppow - so sorry you're feeling so bad. That is good you're seeing someone soon

Have you ever been to Alanon or had any contact with someone who understands alcohol/drug affected families? There's a whole raft of information for adult chidren who come from these environments - could be worth finding out if there is anything in your area.

Hugs for you ....... Daze

Hey,

You are not allowed to check out cos you ve your awesome course to look forward to.

I know it is a constant struggle wop, one tat seems never ending, apparently there is ligt at te end of the tunnel.

I saw the light come
two and a half moons ago
after I did some meditation
having SAT for thirty minutes. (woppow and I know about sitting)
I must get and report it here
somewhere soon.
It were then
I stopped
the pill.

Now,
I am without
the constipation
I were having having
taken my prescribed-medications.
I still suffer(sometimes),sure when i loose my rightful place
in the scheme of things but On the Whole Im smiling-so-wide, I can almost park my chromattic harmonica
in my mouth.
I have just found a piece of music
so deep and meaningfull
it brings tears and makes me weep.
Ive decided to chase it up
and learn to play it.

Im re-learning the Harmonica
I once played as a Child!

Just dropping past letting everyone know I am alive for now. yeah.....

Once alive
one can be tickled to death.

Getting a strong attitude going towards life
sometimes means
going it alone!
Together makes it
twice as good!

Hi.
yesterday I meet with my fill in CSW."H" who was only meant to be standing in for "S" (my normal CSW who has a back op) Today "H" told me "S" wont be back for a few more months, (she was only meant to be away for 5 weeks. ) "H" told me shes going away for 3 weeks. and her and her boss thinks its better if I get a new CSW. So Now I am getting a new one "A". I think "A" is going to be my new one for ever. But knowing my luck it will last like 2 months and then she will dump me on another CSW.
Funnist thing "H" didnt tell me that I was getting a new one until like 1 hour after I meet her (on our drive home from the beach) She even said I hope this doesnt push you over the edge. sigh But I did tell the truth that I felt like I was getting dumped and I hate people leaving in my life.

But on the good side I am off to respite fri, sat, sun night.
and Docs on Friday to get some sleeping meds and maybe something for my mood.

sorry thats all I can manger for now it wont even make sense. sorry.

Don't be sorry Wop

woppow wrote:Hi.
yesterday I meet with my fill in CSW."H" who was only meant to be standing in for "S" (my normal CSW who has a back op) Today "H" told me "S" wont be back for a few more months, (she was only meant to be away for 5 weeks. ) "H" told me shes going away for 3 weeks. and her and her boss thinks its better if I get a new CSW. So Now I am getting a new one "A". I think "A" is going to be my new one for ever. But knowing my luck it will last like 2 months and then she will dump me on another CSW.
Funnist thing "H" didnt tell me that I was getting a new one until like 1 hour after I meet her (on our drive home from the beach) She even said I hope this doesnt push you over the edge. sigh But I did tell the truth that I felt like I was getting dumped and I hate people leaving in my life.

But on the good side I am off to respite fri, sat, sun night.
and Docs on Friday to get some sleeping meds and maybe something for my mood.

sorry thats all I can manger for now it wont even make sense. sorry.

Fantastic,
you seem to be 'taking it well' Woppow.

They dont have much to offer do they,yet still its good to have contact with these people that need-you,as it is their JOB.Sad to say,not alot of them truelly have passion for their vocation.Alot of them have problems of their own,and dont share with their Clients as theyre not aloud to do so.
In away, you would be better for them as i see it;making them aware of their limitations.....
NO-WORRY,the time will come when you meet someone who can really be there for you,
and allow you the Space to heal Yourself.

This is what we do in Therapy actually;ask anyone who have healed themselves!
People need all the space to make re-arrangements to themselves,
and the Therapist gives them Space!

When youre with the right person,you can ask them, "how did you heal Yourself?"

Its a thing
a Good Therapist wont mind answering.

Dont get palmed-off
with a DUD!

love

Hey Wop,

Change is hard. When we are unstable we like things to remain the same as it is comfiting.

Don't let this throw you off balance girl.

You know where I am if you want to talk.

Hi. I have just called home to check emails.

Just letting everyone knoow I am staying in respite until friday. and I might have so super good news about moving out. But I just have to wait and see.

I hope every one is doing well

Lizzie.

Thanks Lizzie,

I dont know about everyone else Lizzie
but you sure seem alive
enough to carry-out
Heaps of Activity.
Keep it going,
try-out
every
way.
Soon you will see
that doing the opposite works wonders.

Stop before you act;try the opposite!
love

Hey Wop

Dropping a line to say thinking of you, and crossing fingers for plans ' on the move' will be fantastico for you. Big hugs

xx

Owell. This morning I handed in my notice. I finish on the 2nd of July 16 days away.

I was planing a road trip up north but my dad said it was too dangerous.

But now I am just trying to work out how many more hours I have to work.


I am tired. and I have work in under 2 hours. I might see if I can get some sleep.

hi wop,

what do you have planned - sorry haven't managed to catch up fully yet.

For some reason now I am really really really really hyper!!! for no reason!!!!!!!!



But I am hyper and happy!!! woop woop. go woppow, go woppow!!!

grace is kind

LIZZIE HAS BEEN ADMITED INTO HOSPITAL after being found on the moterway.
she fine tho on the phone to her now.

Sending hugs

hmmm....what happened

OliviaHeartsMo,
will you ever get off that Phone?