How many people are you?

I've been having a few deep and meaningful thoughts recently... as I tend to do when I'm doing something meaningless like the dishes. Anyway I've noticed lately how often I become a different person. I feel like the person I am when I'm down in the dumps is not the same person I am when I'm ok. Likewise, the person I am when I'm talking to mental health professionals is not the person I am when I'm talking to friends or family. In fact I'm so many different people depending on who I'm around...

It got me thinking....
Is the difference between someone who is 'with it' and someone who can't hold it together, that the former is always the same person, in all situations?

Your thoughts please

BTW Paddy I'm trying a new signature. Let me know if you want me to get rid of it.

great to see you at the sink Jaffa,
I too use mundane activity to look inside
whilst living in the physical world.

At first I realised
the split were absolutely 'different realities'.

When I departed doing the Dishes
(which occured for i dont know how long)
I returned to find the Whole Sink load washed and neatly stacked in the dishrack,on my left.

This event charged my thinking(your thinking)
with fresh new energy for the enquirey unto,
"Is there Really a Separate Reality?"
To enquire into oneself is to seek knowledge and understanding,which leads to Wisdom of Ones Lifes purpose!

The 'healing insights' came much later in Life
(30 odd yrs) when I entered into depression
and found myself close to death;a premature dying I called it.

I saw things within much like you are seeing things within in your life today,
mainly HOW fragmented we become,when we have our-life shattered
at some stage.
(can happen Young or to Older ppl)

You will be delighted to know,
it is the same person that is living your-life when you interlock two peices of the jig saw together,and the third comes into place soon after.
Always the third piece brings stability into play
and a real confidence springs into ones step in the process of ones self-healing;getting it together.

Dont worry about other ppl.
You maybe suffering because of your separation to those who APPEAR to have it together.
(most ppl act on top of their true feelings;they're fake infact and do so to appear well in the Mob they mingle with)

Ppl that are honest with themselves will fit into all aspects and levels of society,so long as we practice integrity in our dealings with others along lifes path.Once healed you will find your Heart precceeds you opening doors at all levels in life!

It is Great that you are Here.
Maybe i have a friend?
gm

hi there i believe we all have different parts to ourselves. i have been diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder, in a nutshell i have numerous different parts which because of trauma have become more "seperated" than what is normal - tho what is normal these days lol. tho for most people ie without the dissociation there is no memory loss etc between the different sides of you. ie when you go to work you behave/talk etc different than say when you take the kids to the park or go out on a date but there is no amenisa for these hope that makes sense.

I feel like I put on a lot of faces to the different people I know. I used to think it was a bit deceitful, but its a coping mechanism for me...

I know what you mean lowdown. I just find it bizarre how in some crowds, I'm confident and respected. In others, I feel like a baby that needs to grow up.

jaffa,

you are quite NORMALlol
every human(male and female)are undergoing a transformation from
'between the limited mind to the all encompassing mind'.
This ego we have(which can keep us out of trouble OR create trouble)is what is making the journey, from darkness into light(all knowing).

Lonelyness is what we feel,
when we are out on a limb,where we see no other about us we can relate to,
so into creativity we dive,
to make an identity which will be accepted by the others out there,
we choose as 'temporay friends',
whilst we make the required pit-stop to partake in
self-sustanance.

It dosnt matter if we are Boys Girls Men or Women,We are all
Souls,
and we are 'all undergoing the same process',
whether we know it,
whether we can speak-out about it
or NOT!

love

JK, know what you mean. I can go into a conference of my professional peers and be the most confident person in the whole world. Put me in a room with strangers with no common thing in interests identified and I am really uncomfortable. Thats when my personality changes per what I percieve is needed to fit in.

Thanks for your posts GM and lowdown... given me a bit of food for thought

good to see your face Jaffa,
your comment about food for thought and the Photo with plate in front of you
brought a smile to my dial.
A good thing that
as today has been an emotional time for me.
Ive been well,getting into worknsuch,and enjoying my children
then Bam!
You made me Happier!
cheers

Hi Grease,
Glad I could put a smile on your dial I hadn't even considered the connection between the healthy food thread and the bowl of (GASP) ice cream (END GASP) in the photo.

Tell us about your emotional time? Everything ok in the world of GM?

hmmm, I was wondering what was in the bowl too!

I understand what you mean. I must have about 10 personalities under my skin!

I can relate to this as well. I have often caught myself changing between social circles. In one I'll be confident, in another I'll be quiet. I change from moment to moment mostly depending on the people and energies present.

I have found this to be, as mentioned above, a coping mechanism. A skill developed to survive in a social world that did not, initially at least, seem to play to my rules. I was unsure of who to be to fit in. This led me to become changeable. This made me feel as if I was being untrue and to eventually question who I am.

I have since come to terms with this and grown as a result. I found that I am who I am inside. The caring, loving, warm soul that wants only to feel love. I discovered that all those personalities were nothing more than feeling scared of being myself. This was due to being hurt by people around me very early on. That damaged my sense of self. It damaged me. But like all things, time and effort can make anew that which has been jaded.

I hope this helps.

P.s. I love GM's point of view on the matter.

GR,
superb post above.
liked that!

over the last 1.5 yrs Ive had a few abreactions from an event about 30 yrs ago, regarding my past married life.Depression has allowed this to surface,so in a way Im grateful for depression as how else could I clean my psyche,without bending the truth?
Yesterday,it were as so I were trying to make a mountain out of a Mole Hill;That I were looking for somewhere to Dump some anger,and it certainly would have been mis-placed emotion,as my Partner and i have a realtionship that others dream of.
I think that the deeper one goes into states of Love Conciousness,the Less control one has
as the love awareness seems to permeate the ego(controlling factor)of our being.
(something I noticed in my psyche)

It were my choice to beguin and sail along this purifying route Ive taken thro Life,Meditation is the Tool Ive accepted to contemplate such situations.Im learning heaps,
and thus am concerned that maybe One part of me,is trying to sabotage the Love i experience in My Life.Fortunately,I have a fantastic partner,but I also see bewilderment in Her eyes;Not a thing I want to do to My Partner,
nor for the children.

Wow!
That came out ok,
must be feeling better today....I went to the chemist cause I hadnt had any anti-dep for several days;I'm quick on the uptake,My bodies very sensitive(like most Men are)
Thank you for asking.
cheers
GM.
better to be open than closed

jaffakiwi wrote:Hi Grease,
Glad I could put a smile on your dial I hadn't even considered the connection between the healthy food thread and the bowl of (GASP) ice cream (END GASP) in the photo.

Tell us about your emotional time? Everything ok in the world of GM?

cool post GM, glad you have a supportive partner and I know how you feel about feeling bad for how we can effect them. Your attention to detail in helping yourself out and looking for answers is admirable GM

Well I always thought it was a bit like ice cream. Some ppl choose the same thing all the time. Some have different flavours all the time. Some change their preferred ice cream over time. Some are swayed by the hunger or expectations or price or company or guilt as to what flavour they choose. I tend to be quite predictable these days. Since antidepressants and my partner, my feelings have been unmixed and I feel my shape is the clearest it has ever been. But then I am a loner and have a strict people limit so I don't lose who I am. It took me more than 30 years to find my boundaries and I'm the only one who is allowed to change them.

Ice creams are always special treats. Not quite the same in a bowl. They taste the best outside a dairy. The best place we have been to so far is Patea. If I'm unsure i choose orange chocolate chip. I remember it from childhood. second choices are lime chocolate chip. my last one was a big strawberry kiddy cone. It fell on the ground. My boyfriend picked it up, licked the dirt off and put it back on my cone. I had to eat it. I always know who I am with him. He's the dirty one and I'm the clean one.
Apologies! I have gone off on a tangent.

jaffakiwi wrote:I know what you mean lowdown. I just find it bizarre how in some crowds, I'm confident and respected. In others, I feel like a baby that needs to grow up.

i feel exactly that way jk, and groups of 'randoms' intimidate me....im so concious of people passing judgement..i worry to much about making a good first impression and, even on here, i find myself re-reading my posts,wondering if i sounded like a complete dork.

alot of my friends do not believe me when they find out i have depression but they dont c what i am like when im alone....when i go out i put my makeup on,which has become my "mask" so to speak, as when its on i force myself (sometimes, not all the time) to smile laugh and pretend everything is ok-to act stable, most of the time its all a big act and it is extremley draining!!!

wizza, know what you mean about feeling tht everyone is passing judgement...if I hear someone laughing I just automatically assume they are laughing at me...and go red/feel awful. Of course they aren't, but I react as if I am still a kid being bullied at school.

Yes, the act is draining. Its a very intensive method of self-preservation.

One thing I've noticed GM is my egos sabotage of myself. I believe that it was my ego that fed me all the negative dialogue that corroded my self worth for so long, keeping alive the seemingly endless addiction to negative emotional dependencies.

I have found that the more altruistic I become, the more loving, charitable, caring and positive, not only inside but also in affect, the more life seems to appear and become better.

Others may have helped negatively push me to depression, but it was me that kept myself there. Meditation, positive affirmations, looking on the bright side of things, all helped to change the way I felt inside.

Buddists say that, every thought has a feeling and every feeling has a thought. Identify one with the other and then find you have the keys to balance.

When I stopped being a victim of my abusers, I remained a victim of myself. When I discovered that I was victimising myself I stopped that also. I had the power inside all along. Inside was who I am. The good stolen by others and kept hidden by myself became reunited with me once more.

This is what helped me, I hope it helps others too. Much love to you all.

P.s. Wizza, I felt the same as you for ages. It was my ego trying to convince me that I was the centre of the worlds attention and everyone I saw was reinforcing how I saw myself. When I realised that, not only did negative opinion not matter anymore, but I found that in most cases I had invented it. I also discovered that the way I behaved influenced the way others treated me. The more positive I became, the more positive it all started to seem around me. Same old world, but a different me looking at it all differently.

Wow!
a precious post GR....

You are perceptive.
I have found that the more altruistic I become, the more loving, charitable, caring and positive, not only inside but also in affect, the more life seems to appear and become better.

"Buddists say that, every thought has a feeling and every feeling has a thought. Identify one with the other and then find you have the keys to balance."
THIS IS SO,I have noticed also,yet difficult to maintain...pain often getting in the road.I have found that sharing the emotional contents of the thoughts frees me from attachment to depression;I get a roll on and can re-enter life as myself again.

Thank you for Being Here!

Thanks GM

I have found that this process is difficult to maintain in the beginning too, but like all things practise makes perfect. There is a very tangible and scientific reason for this. The Neural pathways associated with negativity are better and more often travelled, than those associated with positivity in a depressed person’s brain. This leads to those positive happy memories, patterns of thinking, etc, becoming weak and in some cases broken. The good news is, with practise, this can be reversed, by better and more regularly using more positive thinking. I have found that paying attention to my thoughts and feelings, and then consciously changing my thinking by recalling positive things that exist in my life, instead of constantly indulging in the negative thoughts, has been very helpful in my recovery. I have noticed a seriously major change. If I was asked a year ago; when were you last happy, I don't think I would have been able to answer easily. Now the answer is simple. Today. Right now.