Sex and Depression~~~~~~~~Sensitive Subject i know.........BUT

[quote="angiebabe"] Awwe Greasemonkey I look forward to your next post BUT.........
............................................ it was me>>>"Angiebabe" that started this embarrassing thread, he he.[/quote

ok,angie babe,
dats me,I go cross eyed sometimes at the puter.
The operation sounds awesome.
Is that what is required in your Case?

and its not embarrassing
when ppl share,those that are afraid to talk learn things
they would never know
shackled!

lowdown wrote:Sometimes I think that living alone and dealing with depression would be easier than having to look after yourself AND keep someone else happy under the same roof...

I think about this every day! While my partner can be soo supportive at times then theres the times when sex is the furtherest thing from my mind! I cant do it! I dont want to do it! Dont want to think about it! My body doesnt want it either! My partner constantly nags and i find it sooooooooooo annoying! Ive considered ending our relationship for this very reason! He says it doesnt matter, when i apologise for not being in the mood but then he wil try again hours later!! Arghhhhh!

How do you explain to your other half why your feeling this way? They havnt changed! Its me! Arghhhhhhhh i want to scream! He has tried everything, romantic dinners, massages, baths, buying gifts, etc, i feel so bad. I guess i can only wait until hes fed up and leaves me! I guess it comes down to compromise?

So, sorry to hear of what you are going through angie. But sounds like you have a kind and supportive husband.

Just on a lighter note, I am on meds too but am sad and depressed because...........

I am not having any sex!!! Still waiting for a huggy man to come along.

Take care angie.

we all have to look after Number One first
and before love can be felt by both couples.....

There is NO-LAW which says you have to serve others,
at the expense of self
so dont get caught in Religious teachings here,
and think you'l get your Just Desserts
laterz after you die.
Only the worms attend that kind of dessert.

No1 comes first otherwise you wont Be in great shape
to attend to the advances of Number 2.

Number 2 needs to learn to manage his Own Life
as well as His own Sexuality just as Number 1
is looking after Her-own
by gaining as much knowledge as she Can
to reinvent her-healthy-self
if having fallen out of the
blessing fields!

To britelite and angiebabe

Thanks for writing about this subject even if it's hard to find the words. For me depression really was the worst for sex. I do think it is worse than meds. Yes meds can affect lots of aspects, like being able to focus and use your muscles- I can get turned on but not get anywhere- you know what I mean? The depression makes me evil. Some other creature.

Things like contraceptive pills are notorious for affecting sex drive and mood. Doctors should warn us before they put us on them.

The best thing has been exercise and talking to my partner. Maybe I'm a bit lucky, he has mental ilness too, so his expectations are as low as mine!
As we are currently trying to have a child, (infertile two years and now referred to hospital) extra pressure is on us, so we have to count our blessings. As I seem to have endless periods and bizarre cycle, if we get the right timing and go all the way once or twice a month thats great.

Doing physical activity with your partner (like walking etc) and not just in bed, is important to get in tune. We don't manage to pull it off as often as we used to, but I like to think we are smarter about it. Be with, even if you cannot sleep together. We love to look at each other and tell each other so.

Sleep is more important than sex, too! Sex in the afternoon is so much more sensible. Don't I sound boring? And frankly, to all those grumpy hubbies out there, they have been spoilt. At least they can go take care of themselves.

It's sad but don't give up. I thought I would never want sex, letalone enjoy it. It just didn't interest me, I've had mental illness probably since puberty. But you nevr know how you might feel in a couple years.

I just remembered, when I first tried venlafaxine/ effexor, I was given a relatively high dose, which was extremely uncomfortable for me because I was turned on, yet was not wanting to be. Actually it was quite traumatic because I was hospitalised at the time and feeling very bad and strange. Yes there maybe some meds that can give you more sexdrive (probably ones that put your blood pressure up) but it might be more than you bargained for.
Sex is kindof tricky, you have to be able to get your blood pressure up (just thinking out loud here) yet you have to be relaxed enough to be emotionally close to your partner.

I to feel this way angie, but for me i was raped a few years ago, and i think its a combination of the meds, ptsd, depression and the rapes, once a week i really try to be there for my partner in the sex dept.
i just dont need it like he does, i would rather tuck up into bed read my book and have a couple of cuddles, i can handle that.

attica wrote:I just remembered, when I first tried venlafaxine/ effexor, I was given a relatively high dose, which was extremely uncomfortable for me because I was turned on, yet was not wanting to be. Actually it was quite traumatic because I was hospitalised at the time and feeling very bad and strange. Yes there maybe some meds that can give you more sexdrive (probably ones that put your blood pressure up) but it might be more than you bargained for.
Sex is kindof tricky, you have to be able to get your blood pressure up (just thinking out loud here) yet you have to be relaxed enough to be emotionally close to your partner.

Attica,
a most interesting post!
Do you think then that all women
would be turned(as you say) by ingesting the Drugs venlafaxine/ effexor
or that it were only because you yourself were " not wanting to be" that the drugs un-did You?

WE must understand that being 'turned-on'
is 'very' Natural and our Birthright
when we are feeling
well!

Cheers,
great post !

kidsandme wrote:I to feel this way angie, but for me i was raped a few years ago, and i think its a combination of the meds, ptC, depression and the rapes, once a week i really try to be there for my partner in the sex dept.
i just dont need it like he does, i would rather tuck up into bed read my book and have a couple of cuddles, i can handle that.

So sorry to read your post about the male harrassment.
Men can be wimps at times,and really need to get themselves sorted out pronto.
I hope they Have Caught the Bloke
and served him his punishment!

If you need any insight into the way thro PTSD
I may shed light Here as I myself have only recently made headroads thro ptsd about three or 4 months back and am feeling so groovy now.

Hang in with the therapy side of things;its well worth it.

cheers
ps,
many cuddles to you an your Partner

kidsandme wrote:I to feel this way angie, but for me i was raped a few years ago, and i think its a combination of the meds, ptsd, depression and the rapes, once a week i really try to be there for my partner in the sex dept.
i just dont need it like he does, i would rather tuck up into bed read my book and have a couple of cuddles, i can handle that.

Hey kidsandme,

I know when I was with my ex, sex was not as important to me as it was with her.

I have been sexually abused too.

I am like you I would rather tuck up into bed with my book, suunggle up on the couch with a dvd or cuddle up in bed.

For me I think it is partly a trust issue, the abuse and the meds.

Stay safe.

Roswell

I have been sexually abused as well. I still think its my fault, even though others have said its not. I still think I could have prevented it, even though a small part of me (the logic) says that if I could have I would have. For a long time I couldnt say no to someone, and it was huge when I did. But it lead me to do things I'm not proud of.

I try to hide the feelings and forget about them, but now just talking about it makes me feel.. I dunno, that weird scared feeling whenever I think about it. For those that know about with my work and the breasts comment, whenever I see the guy that made that complaint I kinda get the weird scared feeling. I kinda panic sometimes in situations and get that feeling sometimes too. Its not nice.

However I find that I have a high sex drive and always have. I find it difficult because my partner has a lower sex drive than me.

Man.. this is a big step getting this out. Now I need some hugs.

BIG HUGS to you haley. Well done for saying it, I know how hard it can be. It is NOT and was NOT your fault!! *more big hugs*

massive big hugs to you haley.
it was nerver your fault, i too struggled with that too
(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))

BIG HUGS to all who are posting here. Using words to describe one's own sexual experiences is tricky. I think it gets easier if we keep trying. Embarrassment is such a yukky feeling, but it doesn't kill you.

To greasemonkey, thankyou for your thoughts. I don't think other women would have similar experiences as I did with effexor. But I do think people can have quite unusual/paradoxical experiences with meds, and it is important to share this. All my life I have not had typical reactions to about 80% of medications.

I also had a very bad time in the hospital. I had most adverse side effects and was unable to communicate/move very well and thought to be badly behaved and was discharged after 6 days. Then readmitted a month later, when I was treated much better.
I complained to the HDC about the doctor I saw initially and was interviewed later by the district inspector. After 18 months investigation my complaint was upheld and an apology from the doctor concerned was given. It is just a piece of paper and I do not believe he cares. However I learned to talk to people about what happened. I understand now how easily one can be messed up by meds and by the perceptions of one person.
A lot depends on your diagnosis as to how you are treated by staff First I was diagnosed schizoid personality disorder (I found this out when the doctor shouted it at me) The second time I was diagnosed with major depression, and experienced different attitude from staff.
This is off topic I know but the learning I have had since has helped me have a good relationship. I believe if we are not doped up to the eyeballs at psychologically critical times, but helped to exercise power, then we really can get stronger. I had a GP and support worker and others who acknowledged what happened to me and helped with the complaints process. One of the best comments was from my mother who said the effect on me was like being raped. To have that understanding was invaluable, especially from her because she and I work hard to get on.
Hope that answers questions.
I totally agree being turned on and owning our own feelings bad and good is our birthright, but sometimes we have to work hard for those rights. Nothing that can be conceived is impossible.

Attica,

RE,"To greasemonkey, thankyou for your thoughts. I don't think other women would have similar experiences as I did with effexor. But I do think people can have quite unusual/paradoxical experiences with meds, and it is important to share this. All my life I have not had typical reactions to about 80% of medications."..
I infact thought that maybe you had been guarding your sexuality for some reason,and simply the relaxing drug dimished your control in the situation.Thank you
att.
GM

ps.

my current client defends the rights of ppls who have issues with the establishments here in WA.
"(I found this out when the doctor shouted it at me)"
Lovely soft spoken Bloke He is!

It looks like we are seguing into a new subject, GM, but maybe not. How do ppl deal with the traumatic events that have happened to them?

Quite a few horrible things have happened to me and I have done many things in response , like ignoring it, denying, not thinking totally, expecting my parents or someone else to fix it, expecting doctors/police/some other authority to fix the problem. I've ranted and whined,smoked and drank and self harmed and stopped eating. I've tried to be assertive but couldn't figure out how or why. I've done the right things and been disappointed. I've done the wrong things and got help. I've prayed and listened. I've made dreadful black jokes and gone a bit evil myself. I've been terribly nice and kind and just got worn out. I've worked with advocates and done workshops about mental stuff. I tried counselling,networking, confessing, lots of chess and draughts.
But crap still happens for no reason and wonderful things happen too, for no reason. Afterall that I'm still ambling along and find I'm happy to be getting older and wiser. I expect horrible things will still happen in the future and affect my important relationships and I will have to find new wild and crazy ways to cope and hold my place in the world.

I guess all those can be summed up as attempts to connect. Which is how I come back to the original topic; sex and depression. Hang in there guys. It can get better.

attica,

you seem fairly fluent ti have all that kinda activity going on for you...this is Good.
I think that I have a few more ideas about self-help zones as ive lived longer than most ppls have.I ve also had tramatic exp too,some I wont mention in detail here,as its probably inappropriate at this Time,as im interested in you and what yourve penned.

Sooner or Later ppl staop and look and say "what the heck is this Life For!"
Sooner of later some part of us Gives-up the struggle and rests in the dammaged state and seep within,sinking like
not neccesarilyy depression which is "sunk and Fixed stagnating at depth'I mean more like giving it all up and falling into the Sourse of oneself,Not even knowing a self maybe where one is heading.I guess giving up we fall into places we never knew existed,and we are so tired,their aint no concern about danger or fear,we just give up and settle alone in darkness,where every thing is peacefull.Most children use this space but adults are too wound-up to fall deep enough inside,and their repressed energy creates freaky experiences so they dont go there,they prefer to space-out. Well,deep inside that place we retire to,sometimes devulves a secrete,and ppl learn that their is somewhere in their life they can go which is outside the reach of people in the outer world,its Like One beguins to build-up energy there from making more than the oncer visit,it becomes a regular event,because you know each time you return,your body has relaxed somewhat,you having fallen inside way to deep to keep the pressure on with thinking thoughts to keep the muscles in tension.Sometimes,when a person finds a place like this inside,their live becomes a little happier.Its as though deep inside we are closest to ourselves,and the Self which surrounds us seems to have more love and nurturing spirit than what People In the outside can offer,Ppl just dont seem to have what it is thats hidden deep inside yourself! Getting into this depth of Mind in itself is self regenerating.Zen monks meditate inside this depth of relaxation,cept there's is alittle different as they practice outer awareness whilst inside,so that they can know their place in the world and contemplet the deeper nature of life and solve all those kinds of questions that we dont seem to have time to in our lives as we are too busy.Well i found out a secrete in there,in my own depths and its helped me alot come to grips with what lifes on about,its as though deep inside there is giant room of relations and with healing facilities all Built in.It all wernt there at the beguining.What were there at the beguing were just a huge armchair with a foot rest and i would lay back there and rest.One day I took my worries there,and were resting ,concerned about a deep scar that i had made in the flesh of my leg,initially due to an excema rash,i had scratched and scratched it so that it couldnt heal and I were being worried by its constant weeping,and of it spreading our to almost one third the circumferance of my shin,and about6 inches long.it just wouldnt go away at all!Well,this One time i were there something starnge began to happen in that deep safe place I would go,,,,and I would like to share this magic with you,right away but my daughter is nagging me to take her down to crasy clarkes store,since i started this Note to You.I'l try to come back to it if i remember. If i dont prod me on the notice board if you see me there Cheers.