Sex and Depression~~~~~~~~Sensitive Subject i know.........BUT

SORRY to approach this subject, BUT its become such a H~U~G~E issue in my life, I am in fear it may be harming my 12 yr marriage!!

Because of my depression and probably the meds----I cant stand to be in the same bed, let alone be touched or even hugged!.
Has this been an issue for anyone else?, and are there ways to work through this?, the only thing I can do at the moment is to drink some wine in the hope it will relax me, so at least I can sort of be there for my great husband.
Thankyou if you can reply or help me.

Hi Angie,
Wow, thank you for having the courage to ask these questions.

I'm a bloke, so I won't try to answer them - except to say that maybe, your man needs to read your Message. It might tell him a lot that he's lost sight of;
That you love him,
you know you have a great husband,
you know you have problems which are brought about by your illness and treatment for them,
and that your feelings and responses are a consequence of you being unwell and not because 'of him'.

It might be a help if he could be with you and discuss these issues with your GP if you have a good relationship with your doctor?

Hopefully, some of our female members will be able to answer your questions, because I know you are not alone in the feelings you are having, or the worries they are causing.

Good Luck, Angiebabe - and thanks again for your brave Post.

Cheers paddy,

Its SO bl@@dy awful these feelings when you are so down----I feel there is NOTHING left to give to ANYONE....I'm "Spent"!!.
I know I'm not there for my husband and I'm not there for my young daughters either, when does it end?

Hi angiebabe, I too cannot really help you much except to say have you had counselling to try and address these issues - depression can take a while to shift. Paddy has some very good ideas in his post. Good on you for airing this - I'm sure many people have had similar experiences.
Hugs, Daze7

hey ange
i can understand where your coming from. although i can sleep in same bed, and want the hugs, sex and all the intimacy that goes with it, just does nothing for me. i'm happy with him curled up round me, but the minute he even things about anything else, i can feel myself shutting down, and my minds going NO. can i ask a very personal question, and i might be way way off base, but has anything ever happened to you that you didn't want it to?

ABSOULUTELY not and no way, nothing nasty or bad EVER in my life has happened!!!, BUT thanks for asking , I just dont know what this is about, I just HATE sex , I have to have several wines for him to touch me even, and I pretend to get it over with and in a hurry!, WEIRD I know, have done hypnotherapy=no good, I could quite happilly live without it?!.
Totally NOT fair on my darling and Too be HONEST , I thinK the fact that I've had a mirena IUD in (now for 1 yr) has made my DEPRESSION and this feeling much, much, much W-O-R-s-E!!!

hmmm, interesting to hear you comment on the mirena - think I will stay away from that then - had been thinking about it. I had a doc tell me years back that there was no way they would put me on the injection because of my depression.

Going to my Doc tomorrow and see if I can get it out!!!

Good luck, be interesting to see if that helps - do keep us posted. It's good to know the possible effects of these things.

Just back from G.P-----Y'Ouch its out!!! .
Funny he said whats the main reason for wanting it out, I said........."Its wrecking my marriage" .
He said, excellent idea then lets get it done now!
I feel sore but relieved----going for a lay down.
Thanks for your concern everyone-----I really appreciate it.
Hugs to you all

I know that alot of the anti depressent meds can afect your libido, so if you are not in the mood, it is very likely to be this, along with the reasons for you depression...

I know when the kids were babies, I was not sleeping and depressed and on the meds, poor hubby stood no chance at all, things are getting better now I have some sleep and more free time with the kids starting school etc...

Just so you know you are not alone....

I was in a relationship for approx two years (not as long as you angie!!) and the same happened and eventually we gave up. We became flatments/friends and lost the spark.

i ended it for his sake as i was horrible to him. I look back now and think WTF was i doing lol.

your not alone, try talking to him about it, even tho its so hard on them i hope you guys work it out. Good luck

hi...I have a very low libido too. Think, well I guess I know, that I started suffering from small lows just after a had a miscarraige at 10 weeks. My body didn't deal with it properly and I had a period that lastest for 18 months...until I was given a hysterectomy, all they left me with were my ovaries. I have 2 kids but always wanted a big family, had been using no contriseption for 15 years had my 2 and had 3 loses in that time. Now there is this feeling that there is no point in sex because nothing can ever come from it. That feeling really doesn't help my libido...which in turn really doesn't help my want to feel happy with myself. Sorry this really doesn't make a lot of sense but maybe someone can work out what I am meaning.

Hey angiebabe, same problem here...the meds I have been on have totally wiped all interest in sex. At first I kept asking the doctor if I could try other meds to see if that would make a difference, but each one was really the same.

As I've had to give up drinking as it was coming pretty self-destructive, I can't even use the 'few wines' method

The doctor said that there really wasn't an answer to it as the meds caused that as a common side effect. It's caused a bit of strain in our marriage as hubby can't really get to grips with the fact that its chemical related rather than anything else...but I'd rather live with that than no meds and being a mess for all aspects of my life!

Why cant someone invent a med that doesn't have so many side-effects!!!!

As if Depression wasn't bad enuf to deal with! you have to cope with Grumpy husbands
as well???.
NOT FAIR!!!!

Hi angiebabe, I take an antidepressant that doesn't seem to affect libido as much as some of them. Some are shocking things. It's an 'older' one called Dopress - used to be called Prothiaden and its other name is Dothiepin (I think). It's a tri-cyclic - I know the 'newer' drugs are popular now. Depends what your Dr thinks. Daze

This is a GREAT THREAD!
Much can be had by woman and men sharing their experiences here,especially the ones that have been fruitful.
From my exp in Life,libido definately goes when the chemical pharmacy(BRAIN)stops functioning due to Lack of certain Minerals.I will return soon with a story of my partial success(a work still in progress) in this area that affects our spouses as well as ourselves.
Thank you Daze for starting such a Thread.

Awwe Greasemonkey I look forward to your next post BUT.........
............................................ it was me>>>"Angiebabe" that started this embarrassing thread, he he.

hi people........have got some good news .

After suffering for a long time with "GROSS womens health issues" that I am S__U__R__E effect my mood and frame of mind and make me a right FK'in B*IT*C*H , I saw my Gyno yesterday and hes totally agreed that I should have a Hysterectomy and my surgery is in december .

YAAAAHOOOO----No more Grumpy PMS bullshit

Hi angie and others! Wow good on you for having the courage to talk about this!

Its something my partner and I struggle with on a daily basis! Some days are worse then others when i dont even feel like kissing him!

I can not stress just how horrible the depo provera injection is, please do not ever go on it, and im sure your doctors wont let you anyway but i was depressed in my late teens early 20s then had a couple of good years and saw a differnt GP and had the injection, i fell back into depression and can quite confidently say being on the Depo provera brought back my depression and anxiety as well as terrible terrible miagraines!

Please ladies NEVER EVER go on the depo there has to be other forms of contraception!

I do feel sorry for my partner though he puts up with my moods and lives with the promise that maybe ill feel like it 2moro? Sadly 2moro never comes.

The drugs I have been on have been diabolical for this...so I was supposed to be weaning myself off them onto one that is not so bad. Except I have hit a certain level of dosage one dose below where I am really good and now I feel really bad...a week so far of wavering between absolute rage and tears, apathy, and anxiety. Nowhere near getting to the level I have to get before I can switch over.

All to get my mojo back. Sometimes I think that living alone and dealing with depression would be easier than having to look after yourself AND keep someone else happy under the same roof...

OMG....
................
................
...............
ONLY 15 days till my surgery !

my sex drive has been screwed up my medication has killed it.I also have major body issues that I havent previously had and I dont want my husband to see me naked,hell i get nervous if a skirt i wear rides above my knees,dont want him seeing my thunder thighs,its all psychological for me,he tells me he finds me sexier than the day he met me but its my own shit i cant get past

grumpy husbands need understanding also.

I post this as I know Men also have Problems with their Libido in their love relationships due to chemical changes in their body bought about by anti-depressants.
When we take an anti depressants over a long period of time,it stops us getting low enough to get intouch with our sex-centre, where we get to feel the Beguinings of an urge,
that sex is ON!

Antidepressants dont allow us the LOW
that can be dangerous to a person suffering depression.

If and when we look inside ourselves,(deeply)usually it is some small simple things multiplied by
'several times' that has caused our feeling to GO ON HOLD!

The cause of lost libido is from 'closing-off' from OUR PARTNERS.
Time to say we have been hurt.
This is Best done initially with a Councellor as in the beguining it get to be abit rough
and technigues will be given to work-on
rather than taking it out on your Partner
with under-the-table warfare.

cheers.

tea-time

greasemonkey wrote:The cause of lost libido is from 'closing-off' from OUR PARTNERS.

GM, is this from a male perspective of what happens to men when on antidepressants?

From a female perspective, the antidepressants cut off any sexual feelings whatsoever from the neck upwards as well as the neck downwards...so emotionally you don't feel in the mood, and physically your body won't respond.

I have had great sex while depressed (ironic as that sounds) but once on the antidepressants any inclination or response is gone.

I used to think of it as similar to impotence in men, but from discussions with guys when they are impotent they still are wanting sex, they just can't.

Whereas on antidepressants, you not only can't, you don't want to...