Someone_noone. My journal

Today I have hit yet another low. A silly incident with the lawn mower which ended up with my 'partner' having yet another go at me. It made me feel like I was useless, worthless and everything I do is wrong.
I hate feeling this way - its like I a constantly having to watch everything I say or do in case it sets off another round of verbal abuse which for some reason seems to be impacting on my fragile emotions and psyche far more then it perhaps should.
Having to constantly contain my thoughts, emotions and feelings is starting to really take its toll but I have already learnt that to express them in anyway seems to end up being even more detrimental to me in my current situation. I know I should get out but I am trapped by factors that I don't feeling like explaining just now, but its very real and very complicated.
I met this partner when I was recovering from a serious injury. I haven't been myself since my accident. I never used to be such a weak person and would have been appalled to see myself behaving as I am now. Its like I have turned into a scared shadow of my former self.
Earlier this evening I sat in the dark living room with tears streaming down my face, wondering why I bothered to exist. I don't want to be like this but I just don't seem to know how to change things.

hi there, how are you feeling since this post? im just new and understand how you feel......