My Journey

I'm not sure why I'm doing this or if it will help but it's almost 1am, I can't sleep and have noone to talk to (not that I talk to anyone about this stuff anyway, I just keep it all inside thats how I was raised, its who I am). I thought I was dealing with this break up really well. 6 years of dealing with emotional abuse and I decided enough was enough it had to end so I broke up with him. I figured because I was the one to end it I should be happy so Ive put on my happy face, gone on a few dates and I thought things were ok untill this week where everything seems to have tumbling down in a heap around me and I dont know what to do now or how to get back up. Even though he keeps asking (and promising marriage and babies) I cant go back to that relationship, everyone tells me that and in my heart I know their right but ight now im so lonely and my heart is in peices. I wish everything would just stop because I cant take it anymore I just need a break I wish I could run away and just be happy!

When I was 16 my parents split 6 months later my best friend told my mum she was worried about me, mum took me to our GP who diagnosed me as having depresion and put me on Fluoxitine about 2 years after this and huge issues in between my diagnosis was changed to type 1 Bipolar.

I was on Lithium for this but after about 1 year I stopped taking it and stopped going to psychologist appointments because I decided I wanted to be normal... whatever that is! So now I take no meds and run the risk of spinning out like I have been over the last few weeks (but have only realised it over the last few days). I hate how I never seem to realise Im going through a high patch until I come slamming down to the ground. Most of the time I just tell myself Im fine and that the bipolar must have gone away or maybe even that they just misdiagnosed me at the start... I guess not though.