The journey Begins..

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Hey, I'm not sure if you want comments in your journal or not, but I just thought I'd let you know that we're here, even if we're not commenting.

Many of us can relate to your struggle. I hope things are good with your boy. It can be hard for a child growing up when mum is not well. I guess you are lucky to have your parents.

Freakin muggy as heck in palmy today, huh? Take care. (and let us know if commenting on your journal is okay).

hugz hun here if you need to talk keep up your hard work get help sooner rather than later for not sleepin talk to you soon

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good on you hun glad that you went back and face the crowd one step closer to being free of fear hugz

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Its okay Nik. Records are made for re-newing. You ARE doing well. Having hard moments does NOT take that away from you. Protect them with the fierce-ness (is that even a word?!) that you have, that I see inside you. It was never going to be all sweetness and light - that was unrealistic. It is going to be like it is now and just get better. You have more happier moments now, TONS more. There will be hard moments though, that is just part of it - dont give them more credit than they are due. Fuck em.

Please dont make it impossible for yourself. Set yourself up to win. Ask at your appointment regarding substitute for the prazosin. You are working hard right now, and everyone knows that hard work means needing good sleep. Protect your hard work by ensuring those dreams fuck off and you get some sleep. 'Scuse the language.

Remember we talked that Monsters come in many disguises, and they are deceptive. This time its your dreams.

Bad things happened to you. They will always have happened to you. Theyve happened to me too. Even when things are great they will still have happened.

BUT they DO NOT have the power to control unless we grant that. God is stronger than all of it, hold on to him.

Im really hoping this is a reply to your message and that the whole world cant see it. I am not sure that it is though. If Ive stuffed up, can you delete this, or save it or something.

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I dont remember that from DBT, but it makes good sense to me! Yeah, accessing them at your control, and not at their leisure. I like it!

Shopping...yay?! I like shopping. Maybe not in the plaza where there are other people round, but yanno, spending money is good!

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one ciggerette left.. lighter stoped working..matches just ran out, i shoulda lit a candle but now i gotta use the toaster

been smoking like a train all night and i need some cokeeeee ( the drinking sort)

hate the nite before payday!

2 hours n my boy will be up

hay i went on the treadclimber, go me

blah blah blah

God i whine to much

time to shutup!

No you dont! Youre just feeling things for the first time in ages because youre not in a drug induced stupor!

More importantly - did you go shopping?!

i did go shopping! supermarket shopping! oh man ive been put off cheese for life.. i shop and pak n save and i couldnt find any cheese on speical and i wasnt gonna pay 14 dollars for it so i thought ok, this week ill buy less and buy the grated cheese, my son lovesssssss cheese, santa bought him a block of cheese for christmas one year and it was the best present he got lol, anyway i got home and i opened the cheese and then i noticed it... the cheese was mouldy!!!! went back to the supermarket and changed it for a block of cheese n the end, how gross tho, best i not tell my boy bout that or maybe he wont eat it lol

anyway i did that then went n did a few errands in town, was grumpy the whole time lol but its all done now for another week, i have my smokes and a new lighter so thats all good, wont have to use the toaster tonight haha

tomorow im going to art group with a friend at sf.. i cant do art and wasnt gonna go but a friend runs the art group and said i dont have to do it so im gonna use it as time to catch up with her and not foucs on the fact that wen it comes to art, i suck! bit anxious but im sure it wont be as bad as i think it will be lol, nothing ever is! its funny how the more u think on things the more wound up and anxious u get just to find after the fact that it wasnt as scary as u first thought!

well lets see, I went to art group on thrusday and suprise suprise, it was ok! ive been asked if i will go again next thrus, we will see... it was nice to catch up with friend.

things have been going a little bit.. blah. but i feel ok today, friday and saturday wernt to great either but today i went to church and im feeling the benifits of doing so. im proud of myself for going and staying for the whole time

thinking i may go and read my book now as my son has gone swimming for the arvo so im home alone.. a good time to catch up with some reading

I know not everyone is into christianity and that religion and faith can be a very controversal topic but its a big part of my life so i thought i would write about it in here, remember, you dont have to read it if you dont want, these are just my thoughts and experinces, what i have learnt and what i am learning, not ment to be bible bashing or anything like that, just simply my thoughts etc..

as i said in my previous post today, i went to chruch. They are doing a series on things that concern the soul, soul food, soul survior and surving a crushed soul, ive found it so interesting and relevent so far, its been very thought provoking, God is taking me places i have never been before!

There was a time, many times infact that i couldnt attend chruch sober, for roughly 3 -4 years i church hopped, always intoxicated and never settling on just one chruch. although i was always drunk, i loved the music and to a degree i got something out of my being there. When i look back, i see that God had his hand on my life even then, he put people in my life that i will never forget for there kindness and Christs love that they showed me, even tho me, a drunken sinner who occasionally had outbursts in the middle of a service, who defaced property and showed a lack of respect, even tho i was an immature brat, they showed me that jesus loved me anyway! some of them went as far as taking me into there homes for dinner, some would come and visit me at home, one time i even spent a few nights at one of there places when i was having a particually hard time. God has been working hard on my behalf!

Today was talking with a friend and the topic of tithing came up. alot of chruches ask for 10 percent of your income. some you cant become "members" of the chruch unless you do! I am unsure where the chruch i attend stands on this matter but i do intend to find out. I dont tithe. It hasnt been placed on my heart to do so i guess though i understand the chruch needs money to pay there pastors, they need money for upkeep of the building, the rent, equipment and vairious programmes that run. Money definately is needed for those things, but what does God say about tithing? is it expected of us?

I opened my bible to go over some of the verses that were used in chruch today and to my suprise (not that i should be suprised) but i found just what i was looking for!

This is the verse :

"God has also given each of us different gifts to use. if we can prophesy, we should do it according to the amount of faith we have. If we can serve others, we should serve. If we can teach, we should teach. If we can encourage others, we should encourage them. If we can give, we should be genorous. If we are leaders, we should do our best and if we are good to others we should do it cheerfully" Romans 12:6-8

its says, IF we can, so i dont beleive God is saying we HAVE to give, we have to tithe, we have to give 10 percent, hes simply saying If we can do, tp do so generously.

I guess the next question would be how do you know If you can? if you should? can i afford it? Do we reap what we sew? will God give back to us if we give to him? does giving to him mean in monetry value or can we be content knowing we used our ohter God given gifts...

I think maybe its a persoanl decision, one made between you and God, one between ME and God. Its a really interesting topic..

are there other believers here that have an opinion on tithing? i would love to hear what you think!

i am happy to say that i have found a chruch and i love it, its not always easy because of the large crowd but the benifits i get from going far outway the negitive aspects. I talked to a woman after chruch today and was telling her how greatful i am for chruch as, sometimes i can read and re read the bible and not understand a thing, at chruch things are explained i get "duh" moments where i think ohhhhhh thats what that meant! how awsome is that!

I love chruch, ive always wanted to be a part of one, tho i grew up catholic and came to hate the "rules' of the chruch, its only been in recent times that i have discoverd its not about the building, its not about doctrine, its not about the rule, its about a relationship with our creator. My relationship is devloping and growing and for that, i am so thankful.

God is good!

God is indeed good!

Im a bit confused about the tithing. I think I might just ask them where they stand on that!