How many people have you told....

...about your depression?

I am becoming a lot more open about it, but I still won't tell anyone connected to work as I'm worried they will think I can't cope with work they might otherwise pass my way...

I tell everyone now...about the depression and the alcoholism! Its not easy but I think people have a right to now and make their own decisions. I dont think its necessary to go into enormous detail though because most people dont understand really unless theyve been through it themselves.

Oh and its not the first thing I tell someone but I get round to it eventually!

I dont think its necessary to inform work especially in your situation Lowdown...not unless you are really slowing down and not coping. A way around it may jus be to say your having a health issue at the moment.....that you feel you are coping but would like a temporay lighter load!

I dont know.maybe its a thought!

My family and close friends know, as well as my midwife.
Its not something I'm proud of, nor does it 'make' me who I am.... its just a small part of whats happening in my life.
I don't broadcast it, but when I am having problems, I'm open and honest with those I can trust not to ridicule me for it.

Taken awhile for me to trust people with it, as I've had a bad experience of someone treating me like I was a Drama Queen and claiming I was using it as an 'excuse' for my behaviour at the time.

See I look at it a bit differently. After years of saying 'its just something that I have' as an aside, I am now in the 'well, this is who I am' mode in thinking about depression. I am a chronic depressive, full stop. It does define who I am, as it limits what I can do. I've tried for years to see that it doesn't, but the reality is, it does. Maybe now I have accepted that I can become used to the idea that my lifestyle does really need to change (slow down) as I will never be able to do what I used to be able to do.

It's taken me 24 years of fighting it to get to this stage of pretty much acceptance. It ain't gonna go away. I have to live with it. I am likely to be on medication for the rest of my life. That's not being fatalistic, that's being realistic.

I look at it as the difference between 'I have a drinking problem' vs 'I am an alcoholic'.

Hi Lowdown,

I haven't told many people, but it's become clearly evident to some that all is not well in my little world. My family would tell me to 'snap out of it' but they have noticed that I'm not my usual 'chirpy self'. I just say I feel a bit flat.

And yeah I kind of worry about what people will think of me if I put a label on it and say that I am 'depressed'.

Lowdown,

I see things pretty much the way you do, I think. Admitting and allowing myself to understand certain things made a big difference to how I manage to get thru till tomorrow.

It still sucks, but at least I can say that now. I'm over pretending I'm happy when I'm not. I just don't have the energy to spare. And if thats wallowing in self pity, so what? Nothing wrong with a good wallow once in a while either, just quietly. But when its a good day, I'll do my damndest to enjoy it too, just cos I can.

I still find it hard to say 'who' I am - just today, I went way outta my comfort zone and contacted someone that I thought could help spread the word about TBBD and maybe help us help ourselves n others. I knew that sending that email would have 'consequences' in terms of who knows what about me, but I thought WTF, and sent it anyway. I'm glad I did, but still apprehensive, lol.

We all have to find our own ways of saying who and how we are and I think that there are times when its very appropriate to be cautious about how much and when we 'talk about us'.

Hi, Pat, (and everyone!) I have a book about 'Adult Children of Alcoholics' - I may have mentioned it before - there is a strategy mentioned in it about ... 'Share, check, share' ... - sharing a little bit with someone, and seeing how it is received - if comfortable, sharing a bit more - very few people know that I have depression, and it's probably not going to go away. My own children don't understand it and certainly are not helpful or supportive - family of origin hopeless. So it's just me and him! (and Molly, the brown antidepressant)

You have to be very careful in terms of not telling work. Most workplaces when you appy for a job ask if there are any health issues that MAY affect your job. The important thing to note is the word may.

In worest case situation if you have a relapse, need time off to regroup etc and you have not been open with them about it they can tell you to basically get stuffed.

It is a really tricky issue dealing with work and depression. I worked for a government department and I advised them I had depression and other mental health issues but it was under control and should affect my work. They threw it back at me later on when my health declined to issues at work and in my private lives.

You also run the risk of being discriminated against in job interviews which I have also come across.

You are dammed either way.

You could talk to a support worker/person , someone from workbridge etc about this. Also depending on where you live there are organisations that help find supported work or mental health friendly workplaces.

If you need to you could also approach the Mental Health Commission.

Hope this helps.

Roswell

I've already had discrimination - my life insurance is twice the price of hubbies because of the risk I might 'top myself' according to the sympathetic agent...but if I go off the antidepressants for two years (increasing the risk of topping myself, doh!) they will bring the premiums back down.

Apparently its so rife in the insurance industry that some folk can't get mortgages because they can't get life insurance as required because of their mental health issues.

Mental Health Commission can't do a damn thing about it either

Thats a good point to think about Lowdown. I never thought about whether my depression would make a difference in what I pay for life insurance (we're currently getting organised to get a new plan for my hubby, and one for me as well).
While I've been off antidepressants for a good 8 months now, there is still the 'worry' that I may need them again after I give birth as I have suffered from PND with all my children.

Will have to really look into that one!

for me I dont hide it.I am who I am,I have had anxiety all my life which is a major factor alongside my depression,it does not define who I am but it is part of who I am as I have battled it my whole life and it has helped mould me into the person I am now(although I have been asking lately who am I exactly?).People are often suprised when they first hear that I suffer from depression as I work very hard to hide it from the outside world as thats not how I want to be seen(as moody,anxious and depressed),but quite alot of people know I have depression...does that make sense?

One thing I am learning with this medication I'm on is I don't feel so guilty. So that means if necessary maybe I could learn to lie. That's probably hard to understand. In an ideal world one should be able to talk about one's illness, just like the ads on TV. If we all could speak up for ourselves clearly and confidently, stigma, both external and internal stigma would be less.
I have never lost a job because of prejudice, but I have been prevented from progressing. I have lost work due to my illness and self stigma ( that's the burden we put on ourselves) I have always been in supported employment. When I tell people this they are really surprised because I present well. I am easily as intelligent, creative and make valid contributions to the workplace, but when I get sick I sometimes don't realise how much.
Funny thing is, i've found the most problematic people to tell can be family members. In retrospect I could not speak for myself, so others had to speak for me, but often they just cannot understand. They think you are sick when you are not and just because they care about you doesn't mean they know you best.
Those who know me best are people who do not judge and stick by me, like my partner, who I also stick by.
Some employers or workmates can be surprisingly lovely and supportive. Even though I was unable to develop as an employee in my previous employment, I developed as a person, which is invaluable.
I wish I knew then what I know now. Everyone puts on a face until they feel they can trust others. Mental illness makes it hard for us to figure out whether someone is trustworthy. We can't put much of a face on.

My doctor keeps saying to me its no different than having another illness, ie kidney, liver, heart - but it is because people do react to you differently. If you were permanently down it would probably be easier for them, but when you are good sometimes and not other times. I tend to tell people now (who know) what sort of day I am having so that even if I am coming across okay, they do know what is going on underneath.

There are a lot of people who seem to think you are being melodramatic if you refer to depression as a mental illness, too. I know I had trouble with that concept myself...

I recently had to pull out of two things i was involved with, and the excuse I gave was a very vague 'health issues' that had left me 'without the mental agility and concentration I was used to being able to rely on'. What they read into that was up to them LOL!

What has been a worry for me is well meaning folk in the know not passing work my way or not putting my name forward for work as they are concerned for my health and think I am overloaded - when I don't think so! So you find yourself having to put a good face on every time you see them, as otherwise at the first sign of tiredness or stress they assume the worst.

Geez, gets you coming AND going!

and out and in mate

but your nooone

that isnt just you

shit

i just keep

keeping


im just

just is all i can be

maybe one day I can be more than 'just'

but today Im just

anyone who has known me for a while knows because I went into hospital for six months and that had to be explained... I don't tell people unless I think they need to know, or I want them to know.

hang in there monsta...just is ok. Just is just. Hang on to it and you'll be alright *hugs*

just isn't fair

i told my best friend when i was 19/20...well that was the end of that friendship...at the time i was absolutely gutted, now though, well thats her problem-not mine...the funny thing is when i feel 'better', i dont really care who knows, when i am in the midst of it though, i am so ashamed...
i have always lied on job/education applications and said 'no' to the illness questions...i know it could come back to bite me in the a** but then i would rather get the job, position, and worry about it later than not get it in the first place...its so hard, despite all the awareness campaigns and what not there is still so much discrimination (from others and ourselves) and stigma about mental illness...now, only a couple of very close friends really have any idea what is going on...my family just dont get it at all, saying "what do you have to be depressed about!?", and "oh smile for gods sake..." but im sure thats something the majority of us face...

Hi all

For me it wasn't a question of telling anyone...I had a psychotic breakdown - which meant very unusual behaviour... some i can laugh at some is very embarrassing. Basically i went crazy. Was hospitalized and family were informed and saw the results for themselves. Friends from teaching job i had just left - were told i was away on holiday etc...... once they knew they were there at hospital caring - beautiful friends. One friend kept crying... must have been very hard to see your friend you travelled with in this state. Others handled it well. We all stay in contact via facebook. They casually ask if travelling my way for a visit where are you home or hospital?....just become normal for them now. I get comments like "..... is back" your like your old self yeah...... no but that's okay i can't see what they see only what i feel???

Once diagnosed with Bi-polar i felt better about my past - why my behaviour was odd at times or destructive... It also helped my family heaps to finally understand my past. One member freaks out and ignores the whole thing which is fine with me - blinkers on.

So three years on: My life revolves around mental illness - It is weird that your friends are having babies or getting married, changing jobs etc. And you think wow i am still here, different town, different world now..... I would like to return to a low key teaching position but also know that i have to conquer a few things first. So for me it is out in the open.

As for ever getting into a relationship again well that is the tricky part.... So i think i will be on my own for the rest of my life. I'm okay with that, in fact I'm quite happy. I tire easy..... not the person i was... mind gets muddled and stressed easy. Being in a relationship would be difficult for both parties, and i know looking after myself and my pooch is hard enough. Thank the heavens right now and hopefully forever i never get suicidally depressed again- we have that under control.

I am yet to face returning to work - and explaining why i have such a big gap in teaching 'oh ummm a long OE' -if only
The way my mind is now I can't see that happening. But hey I've got this far.....never now what is around the corner.
Poetry