Hi, thought i should introduce myself

My name is Larissa, im 32 and live in CHCH, NZ. I found this website from the trademe thread and from what ive seen so far, i find this website to be wonderful.
My story: I have suffered with depression since i was about 12 years old. Ive battled through most of my life, making some really bad and extremely stupid choices along the way including numerous suicide attempts and various forms of self harming. I have had two major breakdowns in my life so far and it has taken me till my 30's to realise i cant go on making bad mistakes and have sought help for my depression. I had a psych assessment in 2004 and was diagnosed with dysthymic disorder and major depressive disorder. This means i have lower than average moods, most of the day for more days than not and suffer from bouts of major depressive disorder on top of this. It was so unbelievably hard to ask for help but im so glad i did. Apart from having to try a few different meds along the way, im coping pretty well. I worked through a lot of life issues with a wonderful councellor and although i still have bad days, i try to remember that each day is different and brings something to be thankful for. Unfortunatly i also suffer with Endometriosis and dealing with chronic pain on a daily basis does still get me down. What i find the hardest with that is, that to a large degree while im sick, i feel like im living in limbo and that particular part of my life is not in my control. Im reliant on doctors and surgeons to help me get well again.

Not that i would wish depression on anyone, but it is nice to know there are others out there that do truly understand what it is like to live with depression.

Welcome Larissa and thanks for sharing with us

It is great to have people here to chat to who know what it feels like to have depression. Feel free to join us in the chat box whenever you like

Haley x

Hi Larissa,

It's a rough ride isn't it? Remember to be kind to yourself when you are unwell, no one can function as they normally would when they are sick.

Hi and welcome Larissa,

Its not all doom and gloom on here so come and have a giggle in the chatroom when your ready!

Monsta

Hi guys, thank you so much for making me feel welcome It really does mean a lot.

Hi Larissa,

Welcome and thank you so much for sharing with us.

Hope to see you in the chatroom when your ready.

Belle

Hi There,

My name is Joanne and like you I do suffer depression and have done now for over 26 years and quite frankly I have had enough but I know I have to live with this.

My depression got worse after having my 1st baby back in 1983. She was a prem baby and for this to be my 1st baby was very hard on me. The depression just got worse and I started to wish I hadn't had her, which I know is not the thing to do but I felt like I was going crazy. I would smash things and punch holes in walls, I wouldn't speak to my husband, I felt like no on liked me and always wanted to lock myself away from the world.

Since then I had 3 more children and the depression didn't get any better. I have been married 4 times and I will say I'm not proud of this but the one thing that has stayed with my longer than a husband is the depression. The strange thing is not one of these men understood what I was going through and not one of them wanted to help me. 2 of the marriages where abusive and the other 2 the men were mummies boys and would run home to mummy when they could.

I am in a very loving relationship at the moment and my partner is trying his best to help me out but once the depression hits he feels he has to walk over eggs shells because of the mood I am in. I feel so sorry for him. I am on medication but it only works to a point, I really feel I need to talk to someone now but Im not getting anywhere with regards to a referral or should I just go find someone on my own.

I had major back surgery last year which I was pleased to have, once I found the right physio to help me get back on track I felt like I was the happiest person in the world, then I went back to work, I had to travel an hour and 15 minutes each way to and from my job, I didn't have the time to continue to exercise and now I back to square one and lower than ever, I cant seem to get my ass out of bed in the morning to start my walking again let alone go for my bike rides. ..Ok enough from me now... I would like to say though I do know how you all are feeling.

Thanks for reading the abbreviated story of my life.

Joanne

Oh I forgot to say my oldest daughter is expecting her first baby in February so I guess I should be excited about that.

Hi Jo

Thankyou for sharing sosme of your story with us and welcome to TBBD!

There is a chat room if you scroll down the home page a bit. Im in there atm if you like to talk.

Take Care

Monsta

*waves*
Hi Jo, and welcome.
I'm pretty new here also, but have found this website to be utterly fantastic. The people here are welcoming and understanding, and its nice to be in a place where people know exactly where you're coming from.

See you in the chatroom sometime.

Thank you for the kind welcome.

I'm sure I'm going to like it here and learn alot about how to manage my depression from you