what is the point EVEN in being here?

OK==its late, hubby's in bed and I'm alone again in the dark lounge typing quietly with no lights on.
Hopefull everyone here is asleep in my house!-----this is my time++++the darkest moment ===me, by myself!
I kinda like it somehow - wrong I know===but I can be me--a sad me--no pressure me--dont have to pretend me.
Tonight will be 1 of many, many nights (like 99% of all nights in the last few years=NOT joking) that I sleep on the couch!. my hubby has got used to (or accepted) it and I DONT have to pretend to have sex to keep him happy - GOD I'm only 39 and this has gone on TOoooooo long! have taken myself off anti-d's as thay make me not human and to ADD to my depression and self loath I have GAINED 13 kilos in 7 months!
FUCK how can I let my husband be with me in the same bed as I ""Cringe"" at the thought and the look of myself in the mirror!
SO, back to my point......................


What is the point EVEN being here?????

Oh angie,

I go through periods like this too, I hate the sight of myself!

But I am finding that it is perhaps linked up to my so called cycle. Trouble is also I am going through early menopause which plays havoc with said cycle and hormones.

Could your's be attached to that type of thing perhaps.

Keep your chin up lady!

Hi Angie! I've just joined TBBD. I can relate to enjoying time just to be the real me, more so at some stages of my life than others.

I sleep on the couch sometimes too: it's comfortable, and if I can't sleep I can get up (however often I like!) without disturbing my husband. When I am awake at night I sometimes think of the great 'community' of people in our timezone who are awake when they don't want to be.

Re sex-drive, antidepressants can lower it but so can depression. Catch 22. And being post-menopausal, I can tell you. I live in hope that I'll get some back one day. You too.

Please, please, love and don't loathe yourself. I am sure there really is lots to love.

Warm regards.

Everything will iron itself out and we will all get there ay?

and...there is alot of point in being here!!