Can I please vent?

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Can I please vent?

Post by ilovetulips on Thu Sep 16, 2010 1:24 am

I think a large part of feeling down for me is a lack of support in my life. I have 3 kids and only one person, my mum has ever looked after the youngest two and they are not babies! However even my mum is nowhere near as supportive as I want her to be. I am very aware that I may have unrealistic expectations and that I may be being ungrateful, but here goes ...

The father of my kids was away for years and just came back this year. I thought if we did not end up together, at least he would be here to see the kids and hopefully take them for weekends, or at least a day/night. He never asked and decided that as I do not want to be with him that he doesn't want to see the kids. I am upset for the kids and selfish as it is, I am also upset for me. I have friends whose kids go and stay with their dads and I wish I had that, I just feel so unsupported and alone. I don't like to ask anyone to have the kids and only one of my friends has ever offered to look after them. Me and my mum fight and so I never know when she will look after them anyway. She will only look after them at my house anyway, so if I need time out I can't have it at my own home. She hasn't looked after them for a while as I don't go anywhere, but when she does she sits on the computer playing Texas Hold 'em. I hate this, but I know they are safe because at least she's in the house even if she isn't actively supervising them.

I also hate how my mum never asks how uni is going for me. I just feel like she is so unsupported and I feel like I am drowning a lot of the time. I am finding uni really hard at the moment (not the work, but getting to classes and doing assignments) it is more than a lack of motivation, it just feels like I can't do it and I hate not being able to control how I feel.

Sorry for the long rant! Would love any tips Smile

ilovetulips

Number of posts : 7
Location : Auckland
Registration date : 2010-09-16

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Re: Can I please vent?

Post by Guest on Thu Sep 16, 2010 1:51 am

you have three children and you are at university!.. good on you!!..you're a braver man than me... I dont know how old your kids are but all I can say is enjoy them while they are young... perhaps you can get them to bed earlier than normal (especially if they cant read the clock) and have some me time in the evenings. Or get them to read to each other if they are a bit older, Perhaps you can find a friend you can talk abouyt this with. its more common thatn yu realise. or one that will have your kids if you reciprocate occasionally. You could each take both families to the pool or a movie of an afternoon and take turns to escape for a while.(depending on the children's ages) Perhaps you could invite your mum to go out to the park for a picnic with you and the kids.. have a nice time without the pc to distract her.

This board is a great place for ranting.. go ahead anytime you want.




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Re: Can I please vent?

Post by Martine on Thu Sep 16, 2010 12:41 pm

Dear Tulip

You know what? I think you're being a bit harsh on yourself. 3 kids and uni?? I don't have kids but I do know the value of a babysitter (maybe put a notice on your uni noticeboard)?

They might actually want to spend time with your kids. The hour or two you buy yourself will be well worth it.

Also from my own experience of tertiary education, its not going anywhere. I have gained my Masters in Nursing over time, paper by paper.
You are what's important right now Tulip.

Love Martine

Martine

Number of posts : 367
Location : Christchurch
Registration date : 2009-12-24

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Re: Can I please vent?

Post by mumtothree on Thu Sep 16, 2010 10:13 pm

Hay I have three KIdz and have also been through what you are going through I have no family where i live and was studying to get my degree It is hard work and you have no time left for you but keep at it it is worth it itz hard but you can do it. I agree with Martine cut back if you can and do paper by paper it may take you a little longer but you will get there
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mumtothree

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Location : Palmerston North
Registration date : 2009-08-27

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