finally got around to this site

not sure if Im in the right place but gunna give this a shot. suffered this blardy illness for nearly 40 yrs. When I first went loopi I went to a Dr he told me Im depressed gave me some pills and that was it. Didnt ask me a damn thing about ME my life he just wanted rid of me... Finally went to the crazy place and I have no memory but was told many many years later that I had shock treatment, all news to me. So all my life I have taken pills for depression and have tried my very best to act " NORMAL" when people have been around, held down some really good jobs. I no why I am like this and its because I have lived a life of abuse, every which way you chose and had councelling etc. Today I live a very very lonely life with my cat Dog and guinea pigs, as I cant trust anyone to not harm me. I have 2 grandchildren that I would walk on hot coals for but sadly that bitch of a daughter that I sadly bought into this world uses them as pawns against me. sorry I am getting real angry but more pain. I am only still alive because of those darling kids and swear if I didnt get to see them I feel there is no purpose to sick around. Wow just read what Ive written and I sound a tad scarey.. LOL thanks for the release of tension.

Hello izanani, You dont sound scary to me at all.
you sound like someone who has been thru trauma. Hurt, scared bewildered plus plus.

Do they still give shock treatment do you know. Horrific. Thank god you dont remember it.

you are amazing holding down jobs, wow!
Ihave no animals at present, but I so miss furry friends, I have always had a happier time with animals than humans. I too have no trust.

Kinda gets knocked out of you, with beatings and molestations etc. I had beatings everyday as a child, but three boys at lthe least, sometimes there were more. I am terrified of groups to this day. Have problems walking alone etc because of it. So, yeah, I am a bit of a loner rather.

I often feel a deep lonliness, but, no way can I join any clubs etc, and I find so often people are hugely superficial which I personally have no time for.

I am a deep person. you get that way when you go it alone!! I just wish I could concentrate more, I loved to read, but....just unable to anymore. Itll come!

Nice to meet you, and I hope you will gain help and friendships here. Im very sure you are going to.