Is anyone so afraid...

I'm so afraid

you will find courage to cope - you'll be ok querky

I hope

So you're telling me to drink alcohol..? So i'll have the guts to do things that I wouldn't usually be able to do?

nope!

Hope is Wishful-Thinking (un-grounded thought)
and as with Dope we can wish our Life away,
by choosing either the negative
or the positive routes
unto eternity.

Mind needs to be driven by the owner of the Vehicle.

What we all need to do in this situation
is trick-ourselves to start,as in starting we EARTH mental-energy into the real-World,the world we were borned into,and our Soul-Sees and follows us,supporting us with the energy to go on.

When the others about you take this First step,
they will marvel at the Star you are,
from which you came from,
to show them
the Way!

It is the first step that is the hardest,

That is certainly right.

hi qwerky, hows it going?

Im at work sick, and im afraid to ring in sick so i came to work! I dont have swineflu (although i sort of wish i did) but yip just letting you know your not the only one who goes through this!

It's ok thanks. Just a typical day at work, slow and incredibly boring! The kind of day that makes me think too much..

Yeah much the same here too! I actually have work to do (my workload varies) but its just slow and boring here! Im finding it hard to concentrate and all i do is think think think and get myself all sad and depressed.

What ar eyou thinking about if you dont mid me askign?

ME TOO

right now, deciding if I have the guts to go to the docs. Why my friend still wants to help me when I am a complete B***h to her, when all I do is pick fights, and lash out and complain...


But before I was thinking about mine and my partners new kitten- Hoping he is ok at home by himself.

awwww you have people who care about you! Dont feel bad just smile At least you know your being a bitch, seems silly but recognising your being a bitch is good! Something to think about! Shows you can think rationally!

and now you haev kitten? awwwwwwww very cute. Now you have a kitten who will be waiting for you when you get home! Oooh hope the day goes faster for you now! You should upload some photos of your kitten so you can see him all the time while your at work

I cant wait to finish work. I hate work. At least when im at home i have my partner and my dogs and they put up with me too so i should be happy. Ill try and be happy for them.

Yeah, sometimes it desn't seem like they care because one of the most important things to me is communication- and they know that!.

Last night the two people who know about me were chatting away, then when I tried to join in it was like they just ignored me..and went on doing what they were doing before they were talking to each other..that hurt so much becasue I just wanted to feel part of something, so when I tried, I got turned away, turned down.

It happened as well last night, when I was talking one on one with a friend, they finished talking, then turned around and started to do something. I stood behind her for a while hoping she would start talking again, but she didn't so I felt unwanted and left the room.

*Sigh*

Ohhhh qwerky i know what that feels like. Sometimes (the very few times) we do try and things dont go the way we want/expect it is hurtful and discouraging. My BF and his brother were talking and i added my little opinion and they both gave me this blank look like "WTF would you know" and carried on. Yip i felt the same as you. Infact i got my feeligns hurt BIGTIME and went and had a little cry about it. Now i look back im like good one claire, how silly of me to cry. Sometimes i read situations the wrong way and im sure they didnt mean to make me cry but at the time whoa watch out i was sad, hurt and angry. But now i can see better and should have just asked what was going on.

Good on you for wanting to join in though, i think in time you will feel free to join in conversations and make yourself be heard. Like you said communication is important and its what you need! You just told me how you felt that night so tell them too!

Im going to make sure next time i feel like that too, instead of running away and crying (this happens several times a day) im going to go back and say to my boyfriend (cos he does care about me) i wotn attack him or accuse him ill ask just ask questions. The sensible me tells me theres a reason, and the sad sad pathetic me needs to jsut go away and stay away.

You seem clued up to me qwerky and i like hearing your experiences. Communication is definately the way!

Good for you Claire, but it is so hard to ask the questions isn't it??

Found it....

I walk out the room when that happens- So I do it too..I just don't want to face them because I'm upset.

The thing is, with my boyfriend I barely ever communicate, or when we do its his sarky little comments when he's trying to be funny, which really annoys me because he knows I do not like them- but he says it's the way he is, so I don't know what to do about that...OR it's when I pick fights.

He deserves better than me, yet he wants to stay with me..I don't understand that. If he was as nasty to me as I was to him, I wouldn't be with him (well actually I can't say that because I don't know what I'd do if that was the case..) but what I'm trying to say is he does try, it takes me a long time to see it, but by then I'm already angry and have said hurtful things.

Yeah, once I asked my boyfriend something and he looked at me like I was dumb. (well that's how I saw his face)

Don't ever think that people deserve better than you are - I'll come over and see you and wave my finger at you if you do!!

I have had to learn the hard way, my husband. He has stuck with me through and through. I have yelled at him, told him my life is not worth shit and that there were a whole pile of hurtful things I would do. I have never said sorry to him.

But..he just kept on in my face, supporting and supporting. I am turning around now and am starting to feel good.

The fact that your boyfriend wants to stay with you is a good sign that he is committed to you and wants you around.

I know that this might fall on deaf ears at this point for you, but stay open to him. He doesn't deserve better, there is no better.

He deserves YOU!

With the personality I have I end up saying sorry too much..

But he shouldn't have to deal with me..I want to stop hurting him, I really do..I have threatened to break up with him a couple of times because I wanted him to be happy (which has hurt him even more). But he says he is..I just don't see it!

He will be - but probably concerned over you.

Take a deep breath and give him a chance,

Why try. I don't want to promise anything becasue I can never keep the promise- I'm useless. My emotions are out on my sleeve, It's hard to just breathe when at the time all I can think is what he has done wrong and get angry or upset.

Take a deep breath... and breath slowly...and take it one step at a time.

I will be happy at work, ( Like today) but when I get home to my family who will tease me "becasue they love me"..I just hate it. Then my boyfiriend will take sides with my mum, which makes me so sad.