Is anyone so afraid...

qwerky... you are then a perfectionist as you wanted it to be righ.t

Hey, congratulations on seeing a chance to seize the moment to mention your Leave, and then, for doing it.

I think that we can often wind ourselves up too much over something and then a solution comes sailing past - the trick is to do what you did - grab the trailing painter and drag yourself aboard (sorry, I've been reading sea stories)

There's no need to beat yourself up - feel pleased you saw the chance and took it, no matter how hard it was. You did it.

Pat.

But I feel so pathetic, because if you really think about it, asking for something isn't at all hard anyway..like you say, I just wind myself up something cronic!

QWERKY!

at least you are going to sort yourself out. Some of us can't even do that !!!

GARRR

I have the same problem qwerky...last night I had reason to ring farm owners wife...she does the books/wages etc...well after spending the first 5 minutes of the call sounding like a drunk jabbering chipmonk sleeptalking I had to take a deep breath...remove my foot from my mouth...and say 'hang on I will start all that again'...I would love to be able to talk to bosses about days off or wages without having to fight off a panic attack at the same time.

Wow qwerky you did it, that was a very smart thing you did and took initiative and you did sieze the moment! (carpe diem?? is that it) Well done! That was good of you, you saw the opportunity and you took it! THats something to feel happy about and now youve done it once you can always remember it and give yourself a little courage in similar things!

4 days off is great! Have no expectations and enjoy! Im proud of u for making a doctors appointmen too!

I suppose so- But it's just so small, you know..Just doesn't seem like it should be something to be proud about

sometimes it is getting through the small stuff and being proud that we got there is a huge help for managing the big stuff

hell I want to take out a full page ad any time I manage to get around a busy shop and remember 90% of the reason I am there!!!!!!

But the thing is I'm not proud of it because others my age can do it with their eyes closed. I feel like i'm falling behind.

Oh dear.

You aint going to be enjoying being 49 then, are you?

Welcome to my world.

If I ever make it to 49

hey listen qwerky, 49 is 30 years away for you... alot can happen and you will not be the person you are today.

Now before you go getting all negative on me and say something about being worse, that will not be true. You may think it will be but it won't.

I didn't think I'd live past 30 and look I'm 44! (where is that zimmer frame).

What I am saying is that as you get older you experiance more, you learn intentionally and unintentionally.

From something there is something learnt. Please remember that and yes you will make it to 49. The time will go in a blink,

keep your chin up and keep us informed..

But then I'll be closer to death. *sigh*- who cares aye..nothing really matters anymore.

Morning Qwerky
Who cares? WE do here at TBBD... HEAPS

So much so Qwerky, I am asking if you can on one of you days off, go to a trusted Dr and off load what your feeling, and going through?

Not nice to be so down and feeling nothing matters.... I have been there Qwerky. I know you have stated you don't want the label depressed. It may be that your simply run down? Please have a check-up.

Arohanui ((((hugs))))

I will find that impossible to talk to my doctor..I've alawys been healthy.

ARGH

well then continue talking to us

I were once young
without a blemish when
life converted my complacency
into self-interest somehow.

i never did see how the table turned
but I do know Now
having grasped the Handle
and turned a few revolutions for myself.

I, like some
get the Hang of it too-late,
just before the curtain-falls
and theature vacates.

Speed is the Essence of Life.
When things speed-up
increase awareness.

I've been talking to an online councellor, and they say that I am 'over thinking'- I believe that. But I still don't know what to do.

When I'm busy, like extremely busy I feel absolutely fine! It's just when I'm bored, that I think and think and become sad.

qwerky90 wrote:But then I'll be closer to death. *sigh*- who cares aye..nothing really matters anymore.

the single biggest truth that you will ever face from the instant you suck your first breath into the vessel we call a body is that...one day that vessel will fail and it will die

after that...who knows...

some believe it is the final end of any trace of 'the one'
some believe you can choose to be reborn
some believe it isnt your choice but you will return if you have more to learn
some believe you will be reincarnated as some other life force
some believe that if a good and rightous life has been had you are off to st peters gate

I believe that whatever you feel will follow why let feelings of worry/doom/uncertainty or terror of that time to come interfere with the present day...I believe that this is our life...right here...right now...so we should all be grabbing the bastard by the balls and running with it

also never compare your own fine self to any other living entity...you are different forces walking different paths...sure they may travel beside you for a while but then either your or their path will veer off...the main thing to remember is to tend your path and the nature strip along side to suit you...have an easy surface for the walk with grass areas to rest and fragrant flowers to enjoy...shade trees that you can share with fellow travellers with whom you cross paths

"I believe that this is our life...right here...right now...so we should all be grabbing the bastard by the balls and running with it"........

ouch!lolololol
just who is the bastard today?

Why run with His balls
when you have
your Own Ovaries to enjoy?

One mustnt become too obsessed with the vessal we find ourselves-in
shortly after birth.Moments before we were named by our parents
we didnt associate even with their Words.

Finding oneself is a fantastic voyage
from portocall to port an sailing in a sea of Love
whilst caring for Ones Partner
as oneself.

When we have a partner
things quicken.

Remember,
you only recognise awareness in your travels as you had-it-all,
earlier in life.(recognition)

Developing self-awareness enhanses the love you experience with your Partner,
increasing the experiencing of joynrichness,
where the minds-troubles sink deep back-down into the ocean of life,
where they came from
up inside your head.

Love takes US deeper.

I'm jsut going to be a needy sheep for the rest of my life probably..Great fun..not

Qwerky i feel the same as you. I feel im a burden on my partner and ive asked him many times to just leave me so i can curl up and die. He wont let me though. I hate being needy, and i get soo moody and emotional all the time. It sucks. But once you visit your doctor and actually share it with someone else, anyone actually not just a GP, we are here to listen too, but talking to other people about it seriously helps. You just got to get it out! The day after i saw my GP, I still cant believe i sat there blubbering away anyway i felt like a dick but i did it and then when i got home i actually felt a huge relief straight away!

You got to recognise the small things you do in your day that you should be proud of and in down times you go back and remember them and it makes ya feel good. Try it please?

I know i sound like a right idiot and im sure other people my age have far bigger better things to proud of but im proud when i achieve small things, like even hanging out the washing, or lasting through the whole day at work without crying or even making a phone call to someone i didnt want to! All these little things soon add up and you will realise your not as needy as you once thought. All these things will give you confidence!

You can tell me to but out if im not helping at all! But just letting you know i care and i sorta go through similar things

No way claire_sky- That was a really big help! Thank you

"I feel im a burden on my partner and ive asked him many times to just leave me so i can curl up and die"- That's what I've asked mine too. I wonder why he stays with me, and ask him constantly about it. But he's still here, even when I threaten to break up with him because I believe he deserves better than me, and think he would be so much happier without my shit to drag along.

It just feels like the small things don't matter.

small things do matter
thats why we hide them inside.