JK. doing ok (The thread formerly known as Really unhappy)

[Guest]

I'm in a really unhappy place. Have been for the post few days. Just can't be bothered anymore. I'm not suicidal but i see no reason to live. The world is a horrible place and I don't like any of it. I am fed up with most of the people in my life. I feel like everyone can go get stuffed.

I am numb, I just don't care. I am an asshole, I am unlikable and I just don't care.

I'm thinking of running away. Maybe I'll just go and not tell anyone. Who cares right?

JK

[Guerrilla Roach]

I believe I care. I hope you make it thru Jaffa. (((((HUGS)))))

[daze7]

Hello Jaffa ...... Hope you're feeling a bit better today - the feelings and thoughts of depression can be sooooo overwhelming at times. BIG hugs for you .... sending warm, caring thoughts to you ...... Daze

[Paddy]

Aw mate, these 'Just' days suck, don't they?

Luckily, you're intelligent enough to realise that its only a temporary feeling (till the next time, sigh) and that there are things you can do to increase the chances of your moods and interests picking up again.

Take care JK and be more kind to you, mate. Cos you should be.

[Guest]

I appreciate the kind words.
I am no better today. I am barely functioning. I hardly slept. I have to go to a class this afternoon because attendance is compulsory. But I can not be productive. I will be there in body only. All I want to do is sleep.

[Guest]

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time - thinking of you.

((((Hugs))))

Poetry

[Guest]

Hey Jaff,

Lets get this straight...

1 I don't think you are an asshole
2 You are likeable
3 You are caring ...otherwise you wouldn't come into sites like this..let alone post on them. So you do care.
4 If you run away, where are you going to go to and what will it prove? How will it benefit anything?
5 Get some sleep it will make you feel so much better!

However it is difficult if you can't sleep...it makes me feel like crap and just compounds the 'problems' that I have...

Please do take care, we are all here for you and want you around!

[daze7]

Hi Jaffa, Hope your class went OK. Is it time to check meds with your Dr, or see your counsellor (have you a scheduled appt soon) ... or just rest and sleep as much as you can. Get a good book or 3 and lose yourself for a while.

Don't run away - you might just be 'doing a geographical' ! ... WE care about you ...... Daze

[hopes4happiness]

Hey, I agree with daze7, pay your doc a visit and get your meds checked etc. Also, being a student how well are you eating? Are you taking any vitamins or supplements? Are you stressed over your studies? Talk to your tutors. HUgs matey, hope you are feeling ok today.

[Guest]

hi hopes - thanks. I'm currently not on any meds. I found when I was they didn't help at all. And your right about eating, I'm eating like crap. Lately its just been one meal a day, and thats usually been some form of take aways. I know I have to change it... but meh.

I'm up today and I showered. I guess thats progress. I dont feel inclined to do anything but I guess I better force myself to. Thanks for checking in.

[hopes4happiness]

Hey, did you "shop around" with the meds? Some just don't cut it! I have changed several times!
FOOD! You eat properly that will screw you big time if you eat crap and ONLY once a day!! If you were up here I would invite you around for a nice dinner!
GO for a walk, I know Palmy weather sux ( lived there 4 years myself) but hey, it will do you good!
(())

[Guest]

Hey Jaffa,

Eatting and fluids are of vital importance not only to being able to focus and concentrate on your studies but also to your own mental health and general well being.

Another important thing is to get regular exercise. When I was up in Parmy for a contact course I saw they had a really impressive gym. I don't know about the rates but if they anything like the massey gym down here they will be dirt cheap.

Hope you get some work in today cos if it piles up it becomes another stressor.

Regards
Roswell

[Guest]

how are you now jaff? Hey and as you know 'they' ie the above two posts, are right. good food and water helps too! as does sleep..........keep us posted ay..

[Guest]

Thanks guys, you are of course right. I have had a better day today. Spoke to a couple of lecturers, they were pretty helpful. Even went for a swim this evening with a friend and was able to forget my worries for a while

[Guest]

Go you Jaffa!!!! So glad to hear today was better for you. Makes two of us ah. When you mentioned swimming...it took me back to a good day...wetsuit on and just lying in the bay ...even closed my eyes!!! and let myself relax and float....... and it was beautiful. I definitely recommend!!! Maybe something you could try in the pool??????

I hope you have many today's!!!!

((HUGS))))

Poetry

[hopes4happiness]

AWESOME Jaffa!
Sounds like a good day overall! Well done on the swim and on talking to your lecturers too! Hope you had a good meal tonight! Now go read a book, lax out and get a good nights sleep!! Let us know how you are feeling in the morning!

[Guest]

well done my friend

[hopes4happiness]

How are you doing Jaffa?

[Guest]

Morning guys. I'm doing ok today thanks. I had a good session with my therapist yesterday.

One of my biggest issues is struggling to accept that people might care about me... because growing up nobody really did. I have grown up thinking there must be something inherently wrong with me, otherwise more people would care. If people really cared, they wouldn't just stand by and let me be depressed all the time.

A few people have really touched me lately, including you guys. I was really in a bad place thinking noone cared... but I dunno. Maybe I'm starting to accept that although not many, there are a few good people that really do care.

So I guess I'm starting to see the world a little bit differently. Not ground breaking, but a step forward I guess. I have a day off today and although I can't think of anything fun to do, I guess it will be good to take my time doing assignment work.

Thanks for caring,
JK

[hopes4happiness]

Hey that really sound positive!

I also struggle with the "no body cares about me" attitude but I have come to realise that people do care they just don't know how to help when we are down.
This whole journey is a learning experience, and you will find the further you take this road of discovery the more empathetic you are towards other people. In turn you become a friend in which people will go to for advice or an ear to listen to them because you are so empathetic and understanding and know how to be a great listener. ( we all know that half the issue is we just need someone to listen to us talk and not actually goive us a solution.)

I hope you take the time out of your uni work today to go and do one thing nice for yourself, even if it's just a walk around the block.

Hugs mate, we all care! ( and will always be here for you!)

[Guerrilla Roach]

How much an individual cares depends on a few different factors. Firstly, people often care most for those close to them. It is easier to love and care for close friends and family, the contact is always closer, more intimate. This tends to allow for an easier flow of expression and compassion. Whereas, if someone is a less known friend/acquaintance or a stranger; it becomes more difficult for them to bridge the gap and show that they care.
Secondly, as hopes4happiness states, people don't often know how to care. It is difficult for someone to step out of the known and enter into the emotional life of another person. What to do, how to do it right, and concerns about making it worse, all flood into the decision to show that one cares. To get involved. Many people feel uncomfortable getting to close for these reasons.
Finally, people are often to caught up in their own world. What is going on for them becomes their primary concern and the energy to care for another becomes usurped by more selfish needs. Each human is an individual and perceives their world through the glasses of their own experience. To look into another’s experience is often to scary and difficult to negotiate in an increasingly selfish world.

Take care because we care.

[Guest]

I'll second that GR!!

[Guest]

Sad GR to feel that the world we live in is "an increasingly selfish world'

Personally I don't agree, life prior to breakdown- my world was education and teaching - I witnessed countless unselfish acts.... lived in a community that was very supportive of any given cause. Be it the 'buddy' programme, arts festival, sport-coaches etc it is still all there......it still continues....

In this world i now find myself in is being on the receiving end of unselfish acts....... an unselfish world..... one i know i will learn from and again return to the giving - even unwell I find myself giving supporting others - not as i was able to but still giving, listening, sharing..... Being with'unwell' people i too see unselfish acts.

I agree people get caught up in their own world..... but there are so many special people like yourself who freely offer their support.

I will give a stranger a meal if he is hungry, I will give a stranger a listening ear if he needs it..........

Arohanui
Poetry

Life by Mother Teresa

Life is a chance, seize it
Life is beauty, admire it
Life is bliss, savour it
Life is a dream, make of it a reality
Life is a challenge, face it
Life is a game, play it
Life is precious, take care of it
Life is richness, conserve it
Life is love, joy in it
Life is a mystery, pierce it
Life is promise, fulfill it
Life is sadness, rise above it
Life is a hymn, sing it
Life is a struggle, accept it
Life is a tragedy, take the body in your arms
Life is an adventure, risk it
Life is a good fortune, be worthy of it
Life is Life, defend it

By Mother Theresa

[Paddy]

I'm going to cut'n paste something I said to another Member in a Thread on 28 April, 'cos its relevant still.

"I'm sorry that its really crappy times for you again and I'm sorry you feel that you have been ignored not received 'enough' support here.

But, this is a place where most of us are looking for ways forward, or at least something to grab onto to stop backsliding, so sometimes, there may not be much surplus energy around to share. That doesn't mean people don't care and hopefully when things improve for you and you think back about TBBD, you'll agree that that isn't the case here either. "

I think that most of us give what we can and sometimes, some of us even give too much of ourselves, leaving insufficent emergency reserves. Well, I know I do. That we are not leaping into a Thread and saying 'Cheer Up Charlie' or (((Hugs))) or whatever, doesn't automatically mean we don't care.

And JK, I wanna take issue with something you said earlier in your Posts, about how if people cared, they wouldn't be 'letting you be depressed all the time'.

Ultimately, its your responsibility. Others certainly can be of great help, but the one that really has to do the hard work to lift you out of your depression, is you. Just as I have to fight and sort out mine. Friends can be a good weapon to have in the arsenal, but the fight is mine, not theirs.

Kia Kaha.

[Guerrilla Roach]

That was not the biggest part of the point that I was making, but since you mention it, there is selfishness and selflessness in this world. The measure of which depends on the environment people are living in. The greater emphasis in this society of a 'me' culture has made selfishness a generally more acceptable behaviour. Selfless acts occur in abundance still, but the whole speaks of an insidious selfishness, that is holding the majority of the world's resources in the hands of a tiny few. That is the example flowing down from the top. Capitalism, consumerism, globalisation, the international monetary system, and an increasing pressure to take care of your own in order to survive - along with a growing sense of community isolation, especially in the cities; has led to a world where we are far less interconnected and generally more self motivated. .

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