Cant handle life!

My head hurts, its thumping, i have sore eyes from crying! I want to stop feeling like this! Im going to ring the doctors 2moro and make an appointment i cant handle anymore. Im soooooooo tired. I sleep fine though. I over eat. I over sleep. I even exercise but still feel like crap. I hate this life. If someone had of told me that my life would be like this i would have checked out along time ago. Im too far in now i cant just pull the plug so i need help AGAIN. I gave up the booze and i know im free from that demon but im still stranggled by otheres. Im sooo exhausted. I get a rash whenever im stressed and ive had it every day for months but yet i havnt told my doctor because im too afraid they will send me somewhere i dont want to go. Im so scared and embarrased that i am feeling like this when i have nothing at all to complain about. I actually have a good life with good family, a good job and i had good friends but yet i cant stand them they try and help me and i hate it. I want to be left alone. Hurry up and be tomorro so i can ring my doctor. Im not happy. I hate feeling like shit. If i could get up and leave i would. Infact i want to run away but where can i go? Id probably just hate it there too. Im over this shit. I cant handle it. I want a refund this isn't fun anymore Im soo full of hate its horrible. Hates a strong word but yet i dont mind using it. I cant handle life!

((((HUGS)))) tell your doctor

Claire bear... hang in there.....

Sorry guys i posted that in tears but ive calmed down alot now. I just wanted to say im not going to do anything silly just needed to get rid of those feelings before i went home and did something id regret like pick a fight or break something valuable which i have been known to do. Im not a silly person i know what i have to do i just lack the courage to do it. But im ringing doc in the morning. Enough is enough. Its been too long now and too much suffering for me and everyone else i burden. Thank you though!

Hey claie-sky,

Firstly welcome back hunny, you to see you again ((hugs)).

It is good you vented in hear. this is what this room is for. I know how much of a struggle things can be and how hard it is.

It is a good idea for you to go to your docs. Do tell them about your rash, they need to know what is going on hun and it may be a simple thing to sort out. It will also be one less thing on your mind. As they say a problem shared is a problem halved.

((Hugs))

Roswell

Claire honey,


You can and will get through this. You're a strong and capable young woman who needs some help right now and look at what you just did.....you reached out to us and tomorrow you will reach out to your Doctor.

You are an inspiration sweetie, well done!

Monsta (((((((hugs))))))

Your'e not a burden to us ...take care

Thanks Ros and monsta i appreciate your support i really do! I am one of those people who feels too embarrased and ashamed to really tell others how im feeling and whats going on. I find it easier to lie or hide away so no one ever knows! I fell off the radar a few months ago as i thought i was "cured' and havnt been back to my GP but im booked for 2moro morning as i really cant handle it anymore and need help the right help, not the kind ive been doing myself. Im scared shitless but i have to do this because my family my pets and myself are suffering because of my inability to function as a human being! This site has helped me find the courage and pointed me in the right direction. Massive thank you to you guys, ros and monsta you are the first friends (if i can call you that please) i met here and mylife your posts are always welcomed by me I like to help others so for once im going to help myself and tomorro is the start. Doctors appoitn followed by hair appointment. I will def go to the doctors but i may cancel the hair appointment cos im scared of things like that. Thanks for listening guys i hope i can return the favour too.

Hey Claire,

Good luck at the docs, please tell us how you got on.

And you are more than welcome to call me a friend.

I am proud to have you call me friend Claire. and I hope you still have my numbers because I amhappy for you to call me anytime if you can.

I also need to go to the hairdressers and do a couple of other chores atm that I am putting off because things like that 'scare' me too. You are not alone honey!

Love

Monsta

Many hugs to you Claire, how was the appointment? Hope it all went well and you are feeling a wee bit better. If you ever wanna catch up just let me know, Im always keen xx

How was the appointment Claire?

Hi again everyone, well i went to GP and saw my community health person and have appointment with psych on Monday as well as the decision on whether i want to attend drug and alcohol counselling. Oh hell seems an awful lot to take in but ill tell you what guys, i feel HEAPS better already as if the dark cloud over me is moving away!!! All those sayings "better out then in, a problem shared is a problem halved, admitting it is the 1st step etc" Ive got a long long long way to go but i really really really want to get better so making contact again was the right thing to do. Thanks for your messages guys i hope to catch up again soon!

That is awesome news Claire. Those sayings have a real truth in them aye. You're doing the right thing.

great to hear you are on the road to recovery! Keep us posted!!

Hi ya, yep im on the road to recovery. Ive already had a few set backs though. But im doing my best and ive learnt to be alot more open about what is actually going on and realising what my triggers are. Oops. words fail me right now. Im too secretive and cryptic for my own good but I cant think what to say but please know im ok and am still fighting my battles but I am still searching for happines.

Yay for Claire_sky....lets hope she sees Clear skys' soon..

Another vent:

I used to be a brave, outgoing, strong minded, ambitious young lady. "The world is my oyster".

Now im just a weak submissive indecisive loser.

Thats how i feel today. I cant stand up for myself, i have no control over my life anymore, i have no back bone, no balls and no say. Ive lost control of my home, my car, my job, my family, my pets, my money oh and my health too! Im constantly walking on egg shells or skating on thin ice.

I just needed to vent again and i really have no one to talk to as no one understands and i end up just wanting to pass the blame on when i am the only one to blame.

I guess its back to my counsellor for me but i just hate it. I hate hate hate hate it. I just want to rewind the clock to when i was young and free or fast forward to when im old in a rest home!

I better go find a self help book.

I want to make changes!!!! I need to!!! Keep going claire keep going. No one said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it. Roll on tomorro it better be better then today.

you are absolutely right..."Keep going Claire keep going. No one said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it"

but, if I may, I need to add on a very important piece that you missed off..."I want to make changes!!!! I need to!!! I am going to make changes!!!! starting RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!"

hun you dont really want to feel how you do til you are old in a rest home...because then you will look back and wonder why you waited so to refind yourself

That is a gr8 mantra "keep going Claire, keep going"

((((((((Arohanui hugs)))))))))))

What a difference a long weekend makes aye? Having a 3 day weekend gave me that extra day to drive myself crazy and everyone else around me! I did a weird/silly/stupid thing, i bought a bottle of vodka but couldnt bring myself to drink it. I stll have some control over my life. At least over the booze but yet i am not able to make decisions on my own, i have a terrible problem with apologising, people are telling me i say sorry too often, my reply, oh sorry. Blah. This post makes no sense at all i feel so confused, head is fuzzy eyes are tired. I just wanna curl up and cry. Im ok for now this is actually one of my better days but i still feel so blurhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Well your post made perfect sense to me!! I also have a terrible problem apologising too!

If its not one thing its another! It never ends. For me, it feels like im sitting on a 3 legged stool. My family, my job and my depression. If i concentrate on 1 too much then the other 2 come crashing down. ok Perhaps that wasnt the best analogy. Blah i dont know what i mean today. But i think im venting. Not sure what to do now. I concentrated on my family in the weekend. EVerything was fine. Did fun things as a family. Had a bit of a working bee around home but yet i still feel really depressed. I wish I didnt feel like this. Im now at work wishing i was anywhere but here. (Now the work load will pile up, work stress that soon becomes take home from work stress and there goes my sweet harmonious family life. Then there goes my motivation for a clean and tidy house. So then ill do something selfish to make myself better and work on fighting my bad thoughts and bad feelings. It just never ends. DAmn why does it have to be like this? I need to get all 3 to balance. Im so jealous of people that can manage. OH well. One day ill get it back

Relationships suck. I hate them. Been with him for 4 years and well right now it feels like 4 years too long! God im so mad at him. He thinks im selfish and i think hes selfish. Ha! 2 friggin nutters living together! Im so mad right now. ok ciggy time. hopefully ill calm down before i ring him back up and have round 2!

Ha! 2 friggin nutters!!!

It only appears that-way
when you're both head to head
like Bulls.

To persue this to breaking point
is but a POWER-TRIP,
not love.

Frustration usually gives way
to distraction.Learning to trick Oneself
helps unstick the stuck.

Sleep head to Toe!