........................

I have found from experiance that my mind blocks events, as it is starting to now, again,.

But they do come back at them most in opportune times. Be wary if this happens to you ok?

Look after yourself.

..o.n and ..o.n and ..o.n
d.own and d.own and d.own
drown and drown and drown

I saw a movie where one of the main characters - the bad guy - did what people expected, showed what people wanted to see, told them what they wanted to hear so he could 'cheat his way through his life'.
Ive done that, im doing that. How much easier is it to do so than tell people, show people what will only scare them, anger them, worry them.
Ive been cheating for so long, i dont even know what is real sometimes.
Surely, if i can convince someone else, i can convince myself? 'im happy', 'im fine', 'i dont go to bed praying i wont wake up'.
Its funny, who you see parts of yourself in - books, movies...but its never the 'nice' one - im always the outsider, the cheat, the fraud. The one even i hope will be killed off in the next chapter, the next episode...

Your posts are amazing. I can totally feel what you are saying. I wouldn't see you that way, and you no doubt wouldn't see me that way. Why is it that we can only see the darkness in ourselves and the light in others?? Answers anyone?

how do we measure time? not the day to day minutes and hours, but the passage of our lives...is it measured in the moments, the tragic and ecstatic, or the spaces in between? sometimes its those seemingly empty times that change us the most.....
yet, how do those minutes matter when life itself seems at times so pointless? to rouse oneself to live those hours can sometimes be harder than living life at all......
i think happiness is fleeting because it is light, and the slightest breeze will blow it away, tear it from your hands. sadness however, weighs heavily, and no gusts will shift it. the longer it remains, the more strength it saps, making it even harder to shift. heavier and heavier it becomes, forcing the striken to their knees, unable to lift even their heads, being slowly, slowly crushed from within

'im sorry for my inability to let unimportant things go,
for my inability to hold on to the important things'
- Jonathon Safran Foer

im so tired
im tired of this illness hijacking my life
im tired of being miserable
im tired of fighting
im tired of waking up and crying because i have another day to endure
im so so tired
so tired of pretending
tired of letting people down
letting myself down
God, if you are real, wont you grant me some comfort? some peace?
wont you let me see at least a flicker of light....
cos im running blind here, and im stumbling
im falling

Hi ISS..

Don't know if we have spoken before...

Paddy and this site was brought to us by God (maybe??).. hopefully it can give you the comfort it has given me.

Hopefully this site and the people here can be that flicker of light for you, knowing that there are people here that care for one another and CARE FOR YOU.

Take Care..
xox

I don't think it’s possible to not have regrets. Anyone who says they don’t is full of sh*t. What would life be without them? The nature of life, the very act of living, makes them a certainty.
I regret a lot of things.
So many, that when I think of them they are just a big jumble, its hard to separate them out individually.
I read somewhere that the question is: is it better to regret the things you have done, or the things you haven’t? Does it really matter? It’s all the same. And like so many things in life, regrets can rarely be changed, or fixed, or forgotten.

I found out today that what I most want (career wise) I cant have because I have a 'Mental health history"....great, now what the f*&k do I do, what the f*&k do I look forward to?!

Hello .I'mstillstanding ..... Hugs for you .... It's terribly hard to take the big knocks in life, isn't it ...... I don't have any advice ... but I'm pleased you're here on TBBD .... we all have many commonalities ... so we understand more than most. I do hope the support on here is helpful to you ........ More hugs

Daze

I ditto this ISS.

Now what? build a new dream? there are so many careers out there... and it's awsome you know what you wanted to do. many of us never achieve that level of certainty. There will be other worthwhile work for you.

Dream big baby.

He moana pukepuke e ekengia e te waka. dream big remember a choppy sea can be navigated

"People who have never come close to seeking death don't understand its promise of an end to life's struggles. They don't understand the precarious teeter-totter on which a suicidal person balances, shuffling reasons to live and reasons to die back and forth to avoid hitting bottom. They don't understand that when you're that low, when you can't see beyond yourself and your fallen-apart world, it's the little things that send you over the edge, not the big things.
AND SOMETIMES IT IS THE LITTLEST THINGS THAT KEEP YOU GOING, TOO."
Remember the little things people....