Starting the ball rolling

Thanks Pat for such a great idea - I hope many more come along to make this a productive and supportive forum.
My name is Mike, I'm 37 and I've been struggling with what seems to me to be a pretty 'black' depression for about 2 years now.

There's nothing I can put my finger on, just a constantly increasing list of pressures and no release. Recently it seems to have got worse, to the point that I will find ANY excuse at all not to leave the house or speak with anyone. There is no-one I feel able to speak to, which has made me internalise all of the issues - I know that is bad, but there is literally nowhere to turn - family don't want to know and my gf, who is a contributor to many of the issues, is not really able to help as she also has a lot going on in her life. I do not want to medicate as I do not agree with the concept - does anyone have any other suggestions?

Hi and thanks for checking in.

A lot of what you describe sounds really familiar and you are right that you need to find a means of breaking through the communication barrier. The only way I know of getting some bugger to listen, is to pay them.

Make an appointment with your G.P. and start there. It may be, you will find it hard to start talking. So, write down what you're feeling, what you worry about, what you want help to change or control, and ask your doctor to help you get started. If he/she is any good, they will. Sadly, it can be a bit of a hit and miss affair, but you need to understand, that some days won't be as hard as others - they really won't be.

Best of luck,
Pat.

Hi Pat

Yeah, every day is a fresh challenge. Unforunately, financial pressures are one of the problems - I've been out of work for 4 months, so cannot afford the $75 GP visit (you gotta love WINZ - if I was a drug dealer on sickness benefit, they'd help me out, but not if my health caused me to leave work!).

I've been trying to combat it a bit by helping others in ways that I can, to keep the self-worth up a bit, and that has helped.

Once I can get back into work I think things will brighten up a bit, certainly make help more accessible. I;ll check in here regularly too, just for a chat.

Have you had a look at the WINZ website to see if there is anything you can insist they help with? Try this link
http://www.workandincome.govt.nz/get-assistance/extra-help/tas.html

I have to 'declare an interest' in respect of WINZ - Ministry of Social Development; MSD was my last employer. After years on the I.B. I let myself be talked into giving up the I.B to work a 40 hour a week job in a business unit of MSD and it came close to killing me. Thank God I had the good sense to decide to walk away from it. I resigned at 11.55am one day and was back 'under care' that afternoon.

Good luck with them.

Pat.

hugs to all. depression affects us all differently. i have had clinical depression for ummmmmm around 30+ yrs now. i can take no drugs because i also suffer from a very rare form of epilepsy, all the depression drugs make the epilepsy kick in. i also have an enormously high tolerence to drugs so that didn't help. having been there, and survived, and nope never cured, i'll be round to help anyone at anytime if i can.

My name is Bronwyn.
I have suffered depression in my past, many moons ago.I got out of it, but then was diagnosed with aniexty/panic acute disorder.Recently i became tolerant to the aniexty meds (which i have never increased) and my doctor said nothing was wrong.I sought a second doctor who has put me on a new medication as she has told me i have an underlying depression,something i always denied .I feel horrible, cold chills and head aches, trembles and the works.I have only been on it just over a week, 2 weeks this coming wednesday.I am not dealing so well with the side effects and have lost my independence.I am going out of my head crying randomly.I have no one to really talk to, my partner is supportive and has taken 2 weeks off work to make sure i am ok dealing with the effects.I am not feeling bad bad thoughts at all but just not coping so well.This is a good place to chat and make me maybe feel atab better.

It's great to see that a few people have already chosen to visit and join what I would like to think of as 'Us'.

This isn't my site - well, I hope not, anyway.

Feel free to start a new Thread on anything you need to, and if you have suggestions on how we can improve or help our online community, then tell us.

And please, if you think that our site may be of interest or help to people you know, then invite them to come and take a look too.

Thanks,
Pat.

I have clinical depression and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) - both of which have been diagnosed as 'chronic and severe.' Though it's helpful to know what is wrong, it's not fun knowing I have these illnesses. I was put off work for two weeks by my doctor 8 years ago next month, though my health had been getting progressively worse for about a year before that. My work situation was the catalyst in my health worsening - and I've not been able to return to work at all since leaving. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to cope with working again, even part-time - and know that at this stage it's not a possibility..

Thanks Pat for creating this forum..

Take care all..

Books4NZ

I have in the past worked with some sufferers of PTSD and have an idea of what you're going through.

Take heart from knowing that things will work out and the people I worked with have come to terms with their challenges and are now doing a lot better; it may take some time, but that is something we all have. Try to stay positive and remember that there's always a brighter and better day tomorrow.

I didn't realize that you had been out of work for eight years, when I've been complaining about being out of work for two years. I do casual work but want to feel like all is back to normal. I don't think it will be until I'm allowed to go back to my old job. I will never know how i cope unless they let me try . Just got to convince the doctors of that.

Hi Mike.. thanks for your encouragement..
Hi Maryann.. you're amazing to be able to work at all with everything you're dealing with.. I really hope you're able to get the tests done soon.. they sure seem to be delaying them.. good luck with them..

Hi all, Im 36, Im a single mum of 2 kids. I dont suffer from depression (although i think im close).My mum has suffered for a few years now.Her depression has lead her to make some very desperate decisions, and this year she gave up all her family and moved to the UK to marry someone she met online.Long story short, it didnt work, we bought her back, of course she had nothing then.So shes been living with me and my children for 2mths now, its differcult.Recently shes told me shes going back to the man once again....Im pulling my hair out now of the sacrifices ive made to help her, but she doesnt want it.
I feel like im at the end of the road, my friends are all sick of me moaning, i dread coming home each day, life feels worthless, and even my kids are feeling it.Im here cos i need help to understand, but also get thru what this has done to me.Thanks for reading.

Hiya, bw
It sounds like you have every reason and then some, to be feeling stressed to the max.

I don't know what I can say to offer support, except that I'm glad that you have at least found somewhere where you can express whats happening to you and your children because of your mums illness and choices she is making.

If it might help, I'll be around for a while. I was thinking of getting some sleep, cos when I went to feed the cat a short time ago, I poured her cat biscuits down the loo instead of into her food bowl. But nah, I'll stick around for a bit, just in case.

Take care,
Pat.

Aww thanks Pat, appreciate it. Part of me understands depression as I was prescribed antidepressants a couple of years ago, however in contrast to mum, it was mild.
I even feel selfish discussing my mum in the terms that i am doing.
Thing is i knew before she went this last time, the marriage wasnt going to be the thing to make her happy, and i know it wont be this time either.
But its like she is desperate, she was back 2days before she said she would rather put up with her life being like that than live without him.I tried everything to bring her back 'up', but all it did was cause more tears.
The selfish part of me is finding it differcult, as presently im sharing my bed with my 4yr old in order to give my mum a bed.I work a 8hr day, come home and everything is how i left it 8hrs earlier-and i DO understand that is part of depression, I never say a word, i bite my tongue soo much......but i am the sole supporter for 4 people now, also the only person who does anything in the house....again i keep quiet, inside i want to scream.
Friends tell me i just need to be hard and not put up with it-its not so back and white though is it-im scared, i dont want to upset her more, lead her to think her family doesnt care, or dont want her.....when we do. I just dont know what to do to be honest, im finding my own state of mind is going lower and lower......I love my mum, and just wish i could fix this, yet i know its not so simple.

First off - what reason do you have to feel 'selfish'? Heck, you have to find ways to keep going and be strong, not just for you and your children, but for your mum as well.

There's no need to bite your tongue here - if it helps to vent, let rip, k?

I don't think that there is any rule in dealing with depression that says you can't tell a loved family member to shift their bum and do even just a little bit. I think the secret might lie in starting small?

Are you able to say, 'Mum, today, I need you to do .... around the house for me. Its too much for me to manage on my own at the moment.' Or words to that effect. Write her a small To Do List and leave it on her chair?

Thanks, well Im scared.I have said a few words in the last few months, and then i end up with getting the silent treatment, the atmosphere in the house then is even worse. Ive battled the parenting thing, and had to step up and say they are my children so i will do what i want with them.....when she has over ridden me on that.That caused her to not speak to the kids for over a day, and me for a few days.If i tell my children off, and she disagrees again i get the silent treatment, so its just not worth it.
Thing is she came back to NZ saying how drained she was from doing everything overseas, how she just wanted to come home and do nothing-so i dont want to pressure her.
In the weekends the kids get too much for her being around them, i know this by the tone, the sighs and what she says.......so i find myself having to get them out of the house, just so its not too much for her.
Ive had my eldest child in tears, due to the tension in the house.
The other part is i worry the effect this is having on my kids, my eldest is old enough to understand these crazy decisions........this will be the 4th trip to find love in the UK in 4yrs.Arghhh!
And then the other part of me, remembers that she has a right to find happiness, yet how do i know which state of mind is making them, correct or wrong?

Hi bw110, that sounds a bit like my Mother. She has been living on and off with my brothers father in law for a few years. He goes between her and his exwife. ( both needy you see ) We tried to stop it but she told me where to go. He has taken all her money, left her in debt and left again. We picked her up and sent her to Australia to my sister. Told her that the doctor said she had to live with family as she couldn't be on her own. She is 80 you see. It came around when we were packing up her things and tried to stop us. Said that he would call the police because the housing nz place she was living in and what was left of her belongings were his. We told him to go ahead and do it so he left. We we settled with housing NZ we found that she owed money because he had also been living there for a while and hadn't paid his share of the rent while he was there, so she had to do that out of her pension as well. She is missing him which is understandable but what can you do. It takes a long time to get over a relationship. We had to do what was best for her. I wouldn't have managed by myself, so was lucky to have family to help you need someone too or it could be too draining on you. Do you hav family that could take her for a week or so just to give you a break?

bw110.

I just thought that you might be able to get respite care for your Mother. It has been given to people with depression if she has been with you for six months you might qualify. It's worth looking into. Ask your doctor.

Maryann
Respite Care is a great idea, and BW, I hope it is available to help you and yours.

From a quick visit to Google, it looks like several different District Health Boards have info on the rules relating to Respite Care provision within their DHB regions. It may be helpful for people interested in finding out more, to track down their local DHB website as a first port of call? Alternatively, the Ministry of Health website http://www.moh.govt.nz/moh may be of some use?

Hi and thanks.No I have family, but none of them can help, nor can they see anything wrong with what shes doing, its just the whole, well shes had a terrible life, if it makes her happy.
Ive spoken to WINZ in the past re help, but I can only get that if shes unable to care for herself medically.Thing is shes under retirement age, can not work due to depression, yet shes fit enough to travel.....so go figure!Ive looked and looked for help, but nothing fits my situation.

bw110 - You need to talk to your Dr because I have been offered it by my OT through mental health. I do casual work, can travel and are in my 40s so what they said to you isn't the whole story.

Hi everyone, sorry was at work when i posted today so Ive now read the posts properly, I will give those people a call.
As for the doctor, how much info can i get from the doctor about mum?Is there like a confindentialty thing in regards to asking questions, in regards to is she on the right medication, what do i do re these crazy decisions, how do i deal with the mood swings, what is ok to say to her and what is not.Thats the part im most scared of, saying what i really think, and pushing her too far depression wise, so hence i say nothing at all and wear the brunt myself.

I also got respite care cause of my son who has a disability so I could have a break. You could also ask him about that. 28 days per year.

He was the one who went away, not me