Big Day = Long Night

So, a few weeks ago I was diagnosed with pretty severe depression. I was seen by the crisis team in the hospital who put me on sleeping pills and anti depressants.

Well, long story short today was my first day of counselling, ever, and i'm just not coping.

I found out today that along with my severe clinical depression, im suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome.

I also sat in a room with a complete stranger and told him things i'd never told anyone about what happened to be years ago, and also recently. I did this in front of my fiance - who only knew a smidgen on the stuff i spoke about.


So, its now 4am and i still can't sleep. I lay down in the dark, took my sleeping pill, put my relaxing sleep music on and tried to sleep. an hour later i was still awake. That was as 10.30pm.

I don't want to be that dramatic child who posts about wanting to kill myself but i have to admit i've been thinking about it a lot tonight. My partner is off with friends tonight and i didn't know how to tell him i need him. until about an hour ago when i said i need you. And I havent heard from him since.

I guess im just not coping with all these memories fresh on my mind.


Anyone out there with advice on how to cope after my first session?
I just don't want to be alone...

Hi.
I had a major event happen in my life when i was 16 and went to counselling.
I remember my first session was so so hard as i knew i needed help but i also did not want to bottle it up for the rest of my life.
Because what you talked about is now fresher in your mind you will find it hard to sleep etc.
I found it very hard at the beginning of my counselling but as time went on she helped ( hard to explain how ).
In saying that tho 7 months ago i had another event happen and i tried counselling and found it of no use at all.
I at the moment are like you and don't sleep well at night eg last night i went to bed around half 10 and did not get to sleep till 2am this morning.
I am no expert but i hope with some of my life experiences shared with others will help in some way!
Lisa

Where you are now is stuck. Do you still want to be this way 5 years from now you have to ask yourself. I stayed 10 years on meds and believeing i had ptsd and manic depression and loads of other diagnosis. We all get them, the same and its a choice you should make now before it goes on and on as to whether want to start this game of visits from the teams the drugs they leave you (which you have to take). I suggest you dont but at the moment your probably thinking there is not much else to life but doing what someone tells me. When have you felt like that before? Take a leap out of the PTS and depression and make it as far away from where you are and see yourself today, whether it be lying in bed contemplating suicide or feelings your partner is inviible and your the only one that matters. I felt the attention from mental health teams was only that and i was getting it. It solved none of my problems and made my life worse to the point where i couldnt voice my opinion to anyone without controversy as to my illness and others do believe you stay ill all your life once yourve been diagnosed. Do you really want to have the crown take and keep all your lifehistory under lock and key. Best thing i suggest is find your identity, who are you and be proud of who you are and dont be afraid to be alone in your search. In the end we are all alone but warning about meds is once they put you on one you are their rolling stone and as well as tasting yuck, making your eyeballs swell, hallucinate its only the beginning of more major depression to come. I would never start on them. Learn to love yourself and focus on your relationship with the man you love or you might loose him. With depression there comes boredom so use the time wisely to look inside yourself and grow on your retlationships with people instead of all the focus being on you. Im saying this to you because you have only been diagnosed. Be strong and keep your identity because it is a manipulative game that is being played with you and these people dont really care if the drugs ruin your life. They all have lives of their own and get paid for their time visiting you. best of luck