One day at a time - yea yea yea

Im lost, i havent a job, Im studying and getting good marks. Yday went for a job interview and was interviewed by prospective boss with a 15 year old girl. Together I mean. Um, kick me while Im down lol im not a first timer I have had jobs, but Im a mum of a dear boy who is in remission from Cancer, a 2 time divorcee, mum to a darling girl who seems to have been here before and knows too much lol. I have just about hit one year without my mum. Life is hard at the moment. I have a great partner. My ex pays child support when he feels like it. MMMMM, I could try and get some $$ out of him but I have no energy or inclination to start down that road. So I sit here staring at my screen tears come and go, Im sad. I am in the process of changing meds yet again for the fear in me that I will end up going to a psych ward like mum is all toooooooooooooooooo real! I think I will be ok, I know I have been down before but just at the moment - life is hard!
I am sorry for being such a cheer germ (not) I just needed to vent. I am sad -- my head is spinning, my heart aches. Exercise and all that helps, uhuh will give it a go when I can actually get out and feel like a walk.

Someone please tell me im not alone in feeling like this I feel like such a mess.

venting is good better out than in i say. You sure are not alone in feeling like this life sux siometimes and sometimes it is ok. You are strong but feeling a liitle worn down at the moment so be kind on yourself.
Hugz and welcome to tbbd

Mumtothree - thanks so much. You are right I am worn down. Just reading your words has made me smile. I am glad I found this site.

A mess....yeah I understand that.

I haven't been to work in over a week because I can't handle it. Wish I could figure out how to get through this.

You sound like you're super strong sweetpea

Chanty - hi
Thanks for your post I am so glad you did. I am not super strong, used to be. I think??? This week has been worse I honestly didnt think that could even be possible after last. I can totally understand you not getting to work. I wouldnt even be able to hold down a job now i realise that.
Today has been the pits. Slept till 9.45 got up and the first thing I did was cry. I went out with partner and my 2 kids just to try and be somewhat normal and wanted to either cry or abuse people for no reason. Everything I said, to which my partner replied was wrong and I can tell by the fact that I am upstairs and he is now downstairs on the couch in complete and utter darkness he has had enough. I am on meds now to help the change over from effexor 150mg to go back to fluox. I have never ever been this low. Counsellor on Mon which now I am partly dreading cos there are going to be some really ugly home truths. I am now even contemplating leaving my partner and starting a new life away from all this. so much sh** happened this week that I really am wondering how much more I can take with out a fitting for a straight jacket. Talk to me/us - people on here please. Why does it feel soooooooooooooooooooooooo hard to just get thru a day.

I think you're stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Does fluox work for you because it doesn't seem to be doing much for me. Up to 60mg and still i dont think it helps.

Hi
I hope so lol. Dont start the fluox till Mon used to be on 20mg and now they are starting me on 40 plus another one which I cant think of the name of jsut now and I cant go down stairs for fear of telling said partner what I really want to say again today for the 500th time.
I hope the fluox kicks in for you - how long have you been on it? Maybe they need to add something too?
p.s you are making tonight so much easier. My partner is trying but how can I expect him to get this when he has never seen me like this at this level of imbalance.

Been on it 5 months but it just went up again a couple of weeks ago

I am trying to turn myself around - its been 9 days on 40 mg fluox in the morning and 75mg Dothiepin at night and and I wait .... Counsellor said go back to the dr if you don't feel better after 2 weeks give it 3. Figure out what it is that triggers your anxious moments etc - I am so tired I just wanna go to bed and will the days away. I am not sleeping at night, what a horrible cycle this is. I know Im not the only one in the world that feels like this just wanna snap out of it. I wonder how Chanty and Mumto3 are? So grateful to this site...

Hi Sweetpea your right your not the only one that feels like this but it sure does feel like you are the only one it will get better and be ok im sure you just have to keep going somehow you have kids they help as they still need routine, but why dont you try and have a day that is just for you and climb into your pjz and just stay in bed dont feel guilty or worry what people may think just say you had the flu.

you are lovely mumtothree - Thank you so much for your lovely comments. If you have time please have a look at my post in medication and please tell me what you think... I have sent an email to pharmaceutical society wondering what to do. I am really p****** cos it hasnt helped me to rise above. But I am not sure I am one of those people to do anything about this???

Hi sweetpea just wondering how you are going havent been in for a while so i might of missed you i hope everything is going ok for you.

Hi mumtothree, yes I am doing a lot better thanks. Hows your week been? I have been trying to keep busy and painted a picture yesterday. Have lovely day

My days are like these. Willing them away.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE , PLEASE READ MY STORY GEZZERKIWI , I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEAL TOO