This is for all the lonely people

Hey there. I was lying in my bed this morning, as I do, and thinking I get awful lonely sometimes. I can go for days and not speak to a single soul.

Too much of something is bad enough but to much of nothing is even worse. In saying this I feel I also need to acknowledge the greener grass syndrome.
There are times when I would do anything (within limits) to be rid of it

Anyhow I thought I might invite discussion on this because it is a big problem in modern society especially amongst those to whom circumstances or genetics have been unkind.

Some Questions.
Why? Is it by choice or the result of unfortunate circumstances.
How do we help our fellow humans because lets face it if you are alone there is usually a reason for it
All other ideas and experiences are welcome and will not be judged (at least not by me )

Looking forward to hearing your views

No body got any views ?

Hey there. Only a year late ... sorry just joined.
You have some good questions. I don't have answers to them. But I have a similar problem but from a different perspective.
I am lonely; very lonely some days.
I have a job that sees me communicate with people all day. I am in a relationship (albeit failing). I have shut people out from the real me even though I crave true closeness. Am I scared of getting close? Probably. But I crave it. How weird is that?
And so I stay lonely and depressed.

Do you do it to protect your heart and protect yourself from the hurt that can come from becoming close with people? I do not think it is weird, I can relate to it. Sometimes we shut people out to protect ourselves even though we would love nothing more than to open ourselves up to them and let them see our real selves. With greater closeness comes a great risk of pain if things do not turn out so well. Not sure if that is the case with you, just an idea.

You are right elbells.
I have in the past opened up myself only to be hurt in some way - either by people not understanding, or people making themselves more scarce because they don't know what to do. Nowadays, I can't be bothered trying to explain where I am at either (seems like too much effort).
It is a protection mechanism, you are right. Cover myself with my blanket and all is well with the world. Only problem is that I am alone craving closeness and understanding.

I think we all are. Alone craving closeness and understanding, I know I am. And unfortunately I do not know how to fix this, I wish I did. I know it isn't much but at least you know and are aware that you do push people away to protect yourself, maybe with awareness will come an understanding of why and how you do it. I know this is a super unhelpful answer and I very much wish I had the answer to your problem, but I don't.

Yep, for that elusive fix.
Just knowing that you get it, helps. Thank you.

Great to see my post getting some comment...for some reason this place is now a ghost town..such is the way of the internet sigh

d-ranjd: Your comments are interesting but I would suggest that being you is probably the easiest thing in the world to do and true closeness is a popular cliche for some sort of bliss where the other person makes you feel OK about yourself. Accepting those close to you for what they are is far more important.

elbells: yes I've been burnt a number of times, so I protect myself, and pay the price.
Perhaps I am missing something here, I have never experienced this true closeness of which people seem to speak of. However I do manage to be myself with those whom I interact with, probably makes me un-attractive.

Our isolation from each other is a modern problem that is only going to get worse as we are forced to work longer and harder just to survive, and no one seems to know what to do about it including me. Medicating people so they can function is not much of a solution, nor is constant stroking of people's ego.

Folks the cure for loneliness according all the input I have had over my years is to find a way to make others lives better, to look externally at how you can in any small way bless other people. Try doing it with no expectations (not easy). The problem is that everyone can see the great need out there (myself included) but we are looking inside for the answers, or we are just too busy to bother.

Hi deathsoonplease,

Nice that we drew you back into the forum again :-) Thank you for your original post. Great comments too, thank you. It certainly gets you thinking.

You are right that medicating and stroking egos is definitely not the way to go. I fully agree with accepting people as they are, and the importance of that.

I think that "just be yourself" is another popular cliche that I have heard over and over. It also depends on what that actually means (I don't think I know what it really means). Yes, (without getting technical) there is the "inner me" that doesn't change and is genuinely seen by people in my dealings with them (i.e. people can tell whether I am kind, caring, or empathetic, for example). However, there are the different roles we play. I can't, for example, break down while I am at work or where I volunteer. That's not an option, even if that's where I am at being myself. I help people in need on an almost daily basis (with no expectations). Yes, that gives me some satisfaction. However, I can't "be myself at that point in time" while helping; in my case, it would actually be quite detrimental to them.

Another problem is that I have felt closeness before I became ill. It wasn't about validating each other. It was multi-faceted. Expectations were few. Getting to know each other more deeply (which changes as we are all dynamic beings) on a daily basis because we were genuinely interested played a key role in the closeness. Maybe that's the problem. I have tasted it and now (because of my own doings) it eludes me.