Trials and tribulations - my journal - trying to understand things - Responses welcome

Dear Is it Me

Sorry but I must, you should be reading romance novels and watching romantic movies, and see what happens to halfwits who behave like your
ex.

He is behaving badly by firstly walking past you and ignoring you with a dismissive "hi" and then meeting you for dinner and kissing you.

You know you deserve the real thing.

From your writing you are a sensitive, loving, hardworking woman, and I hope you get the real deal from a man that is worthy of you.

Hi Pink
I hope you are feeling okay - did you get dressed today? Mind you with the weather we are having lately staying in bed would be a welcoming idea.
I can remember having days where I didnt want to get up, let alone get dressed and sometimes I would forget to wash my hair or even comb it for days on end!!!
Work keeps me busy and so long as I keep doing things when I get home I can usually avoid the 'over thinking' part.... .
Hi Martine - thank you also for your comment, last week my ex was in town and asked if we could talk so we met up, he told me he would like to sort things out between us and see if we could try again .... he said he would be more thoughtful, etc..... and like a fool I believed him. I havent heard from him since ... so I know why Im feeling 'down'. Whats the expression fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me - I wonder what it is when you get fooled three times! Im a complete idiot.
Thanks Poetry for the cyber hug
Thanks Anita for your post - I dont watch any romantic movies or read books about romance either - the only romance I have is the one in my heart for the person I really believed was my sole mate but has turned into a mean, manipulative person ----- Im hoping that soon I will start to dislike him with a passion.
I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY TO ALL THAT HAVE POSTED - THAT I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR KIND WORDS AND THOUGHTS.

.... I edited it - because I thought what I wrote was too negative

.

Hi is_it_me

Hey there, I really hope today is the day you wake and dislike 'Him' with a passion. I am so impressed that you are able to work and manage home life and your-self. I know this sounds so overused, but believe it, cause, in time you will look back and say thank the stars I am no longer with .'him'

HUGS Poetry

Not today Poetry - i swing between emotional highs and lows with my feelings for him and its really affecting me. There are times that I miss him so much and times when I feel so angry I feel sick.
Its the not knowing what was the real truth that rattles through my head all the time. Did he mean it when he said he loved me? did he mean it when he said he didnt want me out of his life?
He told me that he often told ppl things that made them happy, things that they wanted to hear - whether he meant it or not - it was a means to an end for him .... that hurt cos I didnt know whether I had been one of those people. I should be saying 'his loss' but instead Im looking at myself and wondering if I wasted all that time with him, I really loved him but did i ever mean anything to him - was it all a game?!
Last Tuesday I had problems with my heart - medical ones - funny how that area got struck - lol !!

i wish i could let what I feel out, but when i try it never reflects half of what I feel.
Im so tired of being alone, you come into the world alone and leave it alone, I always thought that the journey between the two would be shared with companions, lovers or friends but no - i raised my kids alone, no family close by and now they are grown and off doing their own thing with partners and friends that share their journey with them, but not me ..... i hardly see them and the eldest has told me she resents me .... its like the last straw, a dagger to the back - i did everything i could for them after their father left, I loved and cared for them, I was a pretty good provider - i tried to do my best and it wasnt good enough. Things never change, i wasnt good enough for their father either, or my b/f or my inlaws or my family. Im such a waste of space - good people are dying out there that have so much to live for and im still here when I dont want to be... why cant we have a button we can press when we want out but i guess that would be too easy.