Today I am feeling sorry for myself...Warning...contains offensive language.

I am so sick and tired of feeling um...sick and tired. I feel awful today. I'm so tired and still in bed. I know that if I get up I will feel better but even the thought of that exhausts me as I have no energy whatsoever. I have pain all over my body-stabbing, pulling, twisting, aching, ripping. It's fucking annoying, frustrating, upsetting, and I am 'over it'. I can see why there is such a high rate of suicide amongst those of us who suffer from chronic pain. I'm happy for them and jealous I guess that they are free from pain. I know this is an immature thing to say and I would NEVER end my life. I have been too deeply and profoundly effected through losing people whom I have loved to suicide. I have seen the way a family implodes when there is a suicide and it's not something you ever get 'over', you just learn to live with it but you are not ever the same. I am not suicidal, just 'writing to survive' as we say. I hope I have not offended any of you, that is not my intention. I just needed to offload so thanks TBBD for letting me do just that. Becks.

Chronic pain is a pain in the arse, amongst other places, isn't Becks.

I have a fair idea of what you're thinking and meaning, I suspect and yeah, after a few years or whatever, the novelty of it all starts to wear thin at the edges, doesn't it.

Next month see's my '36th' anniversary of a little bit of everyday discomfort etc, and yep, I'm about as over it as anyone. Mental illness OR chronic pain - thats sounds reasonable, but both sucks, and seems somedays, to be bordering on the slightly unfair!

Becks, I'm really glad that you feel able to say how you feel, 'cos thats what this place is here for. It might not lessen the pain etc, but you can at least say how it is, here. I reckon thats worth oh, at least a Panadols worth of relief, lol.

Take care, eh?

Paddy.

well done Becks, vent away. what pain relief do you have?

Hi Becks,

Im sorry you are feeling mizz. try to relax. Warmth? or do you have a friend or partner who could rub your painful areas?

I know when I am in pain, I take some codeine, and sleeping tabs, and bed. Sometimes I think my dam codeine are placebos, yet they are 30mg.

For me it hurts to even dam well walk, which in turn means I am even more unfit, I am on that dam revolving cycle circle thing!! Shit!!

Anyway, you are in my thoughts Becks, you are always there for me, and for that, thanks.

Thanks Paddy, Mylife and Apricot for your responses to my 'vent'. It's nice to know that people care and take the time to respond to what you write. Paddy...I agree with you in that Depression and pain make a bad marriage and yes having one is bad enough but when you add them together, that's when it's difficult. I'm sorry to hear that you have had 36 years of pain-that's a very long time. You cope amazingly well and I 'take my hat' off to you because you have to put up with a lot and yet you still have a great sense of humour and are not bitter with your lot in life. Mylife, as always, thanks for encouraging me to vent and for responding to my post. You are a great responder to posts which demonstrates what a thoughtful person you are. I do take some pain medicine, however I still feel a lot of my pain...the meds take the edge off though so I'm grateful for that. Apricot, thanks for your support. I agree..warmth is good and I use my hot water bottle most days. Sorry to hear that you suffer from pain too-we should have a pain pity party! Thanks for thinking of me..that was a nice thing to say and I'll take the hugs too. I appreciate your kindness Apricot and I hope you know I'm here if you ever need to vent or whatever! That goes for all of you.

Ohhh can i come to the party? That might be what we need (hehehehehe)

I hope you are feeling better - even just slightly, because I would imagine that would make a difference,

keep venting... better out that in!