it started to years ago

change insurance companies huni I have always found ami terrible, also have a read throu your policy teddious I know but Im pretty sure its a water damage thing that they should cover oxox

Hi mumtothree

I hope I have read and interpreted correctly and am offering advice that may help... Independent evaluation/assessment of damage to house and carpet. Can you present AMI with a letter from a well known company who can attest to your carpet being damaged due to leaky roof, never mind the 'maintenance' stance AMI are taking. Along with steps and quotes to recitfy the problem????.

If this isn't a go, then Fair GO>>>> xoxox hugs Poetry. I'm looking for another insurance company, AA may be my choice now...

Thanks eveyone yes will be looking for another insurance company I think
By the soundz of it alot of people are not happy with AMI at the mo

Well live sux I'm coming off my hypomaina high and I'm gutted, it seems to end so badly I back to feelingbad and wondering what is the point I'm really struggling i just don't have the energy to get back up i just want tosit in the corner and cry.

Mumtothree

I too have highs, hypomania then the manic depression crash, and it is a shock and everything you have been buzzing about seems to end. The thing that I try very hard and it is not easy to do - is to remember It will even out. That Buzz for the world will come back, it is hard and I feel for you so much.

Take care Mumto three, very good care of you.

Hugs Poetry

just to get this off my chest.

i'm going down hill i can feel myself getting worse i'm sitting here in tears feeling a failure again i just cant cope with my kidz my oldest one was given a sentence of an anxiety disorder and i'm ment to find the energy and time to work throught a programme and i just don't feel that i can so there this bites me and i feel guilty, i tired all the time but i'm getting enough sleep so i just dont know what is up with me i just wish it would hurry up and end, i don't have the energy to pick myself up anymore i just can't tlakto anyone i have wonderful friends but i don't want to tell them i feel ashamed and embarassed and silly so i just can't tell anyone . i feel like crap.

well i have been disharged from the ward today for the weekend and i'm in two minds i'm still feeling so low and suicidal it is not funny and to a point i have given up onlife i don't really feel i have the energy to go on when i went into my review today i askedmy nurse to go away so i could talk to the doctor but she said no it was her job soi just sat there and didn't open uptothe doc which is my fault I know but i hate telling the world how i feel. So i sat there feel hopeless and worthless and just not havingthe will to live but i didnt speak up and when i did it sounded stupid so know i'm at home i have tried to talk to my hubby but he just doesn't get it ans i'm to upset when i rty to talk to him. I just feel to tiredto ridethe hillfrom the low that i'm on it appears just to hard to get myself back up. I just dont know what to do any more and i don't know if i can do it.

Ment to go back to ward on monday to see doctor so we will seebut notholding out much hope and not sure what i will say or do. i just feel like ARRRRRR ARRRR
and going to bed and crying and i don't know how i'm going to get through the weekend.

Hello mumtothree ...... so sorry you're feeling so down. I don't have any words of advice .... but I do hope you're feeling a little brighter this morning. Is it fine and sunny where you are? The sun does lift the mood a bit. What can you do today, just for you. Slowing down and sitting down with a coffee/tea ... preferably outside ... can give you a wee 'break' ... and taking life one day, or hour, or minute at a time can be a way to break things down into tiny segments.

I hope you're able to talk to your Dr on Monday and tell him/her about how you're feeling.

Special hugs for you today ....................... Daze

Hi mumtothree

Super cyber-hugs on there way, I hope too the sun is shining in PN today, and more so on your door step.

Maybe take some time out this weekend to write what is going on and when you see the Dr on Monday you could give it to him/her to read. It may help to open the door for you to communicate exactly what is happening in your world.

hugs and thinking of you
Poetry

.

well im back since i have been in hospital i have been working through my life thoughts i asked for truma theropy and was turned down but the problem being is that i can not stop thinking about my past and i just can't pick myself up i feel down all the time i float between suicidal thoughts to just getting through day by day. i just dont think i can take the low much longer i have had the wonderful thing of respite for two nights it was good but a little to much time to think so am in two minds i have to go to see my cafs worker tomorrow with my hubby and i'm really nervous about that i have faced up to having to go throught this alone a long time ago but people just keep wanting to make my husband to help he is a good man but just doesn't get it, i run around after my kidz all day but now i'm to tired and i just cant be bothered anymore i dont want to climb the hill to come down again i know that is selfish but i just dongt have hope or energy to do it anymore my doc that i have had for three years has left and now my phycologist said i will go for a review in six weeks not that she said i will stop but i feel that shit the two people that i have shared my deepest thoughts and feeling with will just go i just feel lost as i have no one to tell how i feel who i trust i just dont now what to do anymore

thinking of you lots sweetie if you need to talk just txt me and I'll calll




me

You are amazing, I can't imagine how you do it all with three little ones to look after. Thinking of you.

Hi MT3 I hope things are improving for you. Like BB has written, I'm impressed by how you are doing considering you have a lot of people to look after apart from yourself. I find it hard enough to look after me and my depression and I only have myself and my partner (and furbaby!) to take care of. Take care. xx

well i got myself through the weekend in the hope that i would see my physcologist i promised her i wouldn't do anything and well well today she was sick (which i know happens) but now i feel like the calm before the storm had enough i sit here and my kidz just dont listen which i can understand to a point with the upz and downz of the month but i'm just to tired it and i just dont want to carry on i'm fed up met ring and ask stupid questions and you wonder why they even bothered not much hope in life.
Sorry feel really down

hang in there mummy, i know you feel bad i know you feel nasty bad, i know you are soooooooooooooooooo tired of fighting this, but please please hang in there, your babies love you no matter how crazy you are, you are their sun and moon, you are their everything, i know you wish you could be more, that you could be better, but, at least you are trying! that is better than most do, you are there.
and that is all they really want, for you to be around, and it dosnt matter what state you are in, so long as you are there.
i know that ideally everything would be roses and happiness, we all want that, but at least you are trying to get better, at least you are doing your best to be what they need.
take care
and just be there.

Well Here I sit again infront of the screen ready to try sort out my head.

Well I only have two weeks left with my physcologist and im packing myself i just started to open up and get hings off my chest and now another person whom i got to tust will go but that is life i just dont want to go throught the pocess again.

I feel so disloyal to my family because i have talk about them and my childhood, the worst thing is i want to cry but im scared i will not stop i have been feeling ok for the last few weeks i had my medz uped and now i feel so open and bare i just dont know what to do anymore. everyone says it will help to cry but i really to scaed incase i dont stop, and what is cying going to do, I need to move on and i just dont know how or what im ment to do, look at me i havent slept well in the last week and its 10.30 and im sitting at the computer not good, I understand at the moment i have lots going on the house is going through major work so we ae working on that all hours but i just cant cope with it all i understand that this is a silly thing not to cope with but im not, then im not looking foward to xmas i know i will be watched all the time by my parents fo every little thing than my older sister will be there and we have never got on so that wont be fun, and the kidz ar4e not the best behaved kidz in the street so im always on edge fo them, i will be staying in a tent so not sue how that will go, and i sound totally ungratefull i know that but i just dont know what to think or feel and it is diving me crazy. Sorry for bleeting on.

i understand the not wanting to let yourself cry for fear that it will never stop.
but i tell ya what, holding it in is not so good for you either, imagine your a flannel, and you have soaked up all the pain and trauma and hurt thru your life, the only way to get some of it out and to move on, is to wring out the flannel, its called grieving, feeling a loss and letting it out, i know crying seems so pointless coz you usually just feel exhausted and puffy eyed at the end. but, it does have a purpose, it is the physical side to intense emotional pain, and allowing to flow helps to relieve some of the preasure built up inside. i dunno if i am making much sense at this point, you will be ok if you cry, it will help, and it does stop.
take care mummy

Thankz for that you are sweet

Hello Mumtothree ....... Mistameenah has the right idea!

I know the tears can be a bit overwhelming .... I have been advised to sit quietly after a crying jag, for a wee while.

I found something that might be helpful:

'One has to return again and again to weep the tears which are still unshed. We cannot feel all the grief of our many losses at the time we suffer them. That would be too crippling. But if we would really gather our whole lives into a single whole, no emotion that belongs to us should be left unfelt.' ..... Irene Claremont de Castillejo

Daze

Just thought i would pop in again and add a big thank you to all you kind words.

I feel worried at the momment my mood has not been the best and not sleeping that well i just cant stop the old brain going around i feel wound up with no way out i just not sure what i'm so wound up about, silly really.

I am reading a great book called dying for a cure it is amazing it is a personal story about a woment ajnd her jounay through mental health but also fact about meds i just can't but it down.


I just want to sceam and cry but can't my head hurts arrrr arrrr

keep reading .. its hard to scream and read at the same time...

wow just finished at my psyhcologist and she told me that she will be finishing work at the end of January, i knew the end was coming but i still feel so gutted i just want to cry i have been seeing her every week for the last year and i trusted her i know that i can go to another but i find it really hard to open up and feeling a little left out there at the momnet my phyic left in november who i had been with for 3 years now this and my new dr is due to leave in june so just at a lost really. Wow just feel lost it will leave a huge gap in my life.....

well it is 2 dayz before xmas and i am in mixed mind i can't wait as my little three year old is buzzing with all the excitment it is infectious but then i have to go to my parents which is nice but not sure how it will go we can only see.

Im looking forward to next year i dont think it can be any worse than last year.

im better at the moment so i am looking for a job i think i may have found one it is 10 hour or 16 what i choose so i will go and have a look around at the centre and see if it is me.

cant wait we will see how it goes have a good xmas

wow thank you xmas is ove my kidz had the time of there lifes. My mum dressed as santa and my thee year old was in ore it was great.

For the whole family thing it was hard i just felt like i was worth nothing and just someone watching from the outside. Not to sure how i feel the kidz had a good time so that is ok for me.