Coping with Grief

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Coping with Grief

Post by Guest on Fri Jun 19, 2009 8:24 pm

Due to experiencing a change 'shutting one door' and opening another i went in search of some answers... I hope this is received warmly I love you there are many links on this site, that I am finding useful also. (((((Arohanui hugs))))))

Website: www.recover-from-grief.com

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
7 stages of grief...
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

Recover-from-grief.com
flower

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Re: Coping with Grief

Post by Guest on Tue Jun 23, 2009 8:19 pm

I think we can really relate this to depression as alot of us probably feel a part of us has died.

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im liking th loss website

Post by OliviaHeartsMo on Wed Aug 12, 2009 9:01 am

im finding this very helpful
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Re: Coping with Grief

Post by Guest on Thu Aug 20, 2009 12:07 am

great!!!

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Re: Coping with Grief

Post by moonwitch on Wed Mar 17, 2010 12:28 am

i think i have been sitting in stage 2 for the past almost 2 years i cant get past the guilt Sad
but am definately going to go have a read of the site
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Re: Coping with Grief

Post by Guest on Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:35 pm

Hi moonwitch

It was a long time ago that i visited this site. To read back through the stages, I think I have moved onto stage 7. Guilt does resurface, but eases away.
In years the loss is long ago, but will always stay with me, but as I re-read through the stages, it is nice to learn that I have moved through stages. Stages I thought I couldn't - time does heal, but sadly for some, time can feel endless and slow our recovery from grief.

R Harris has written the book The Happiness Trap (I have written down some of his techniques and some thoughts on how to cope - in the journal section).
You can go to google books, and look up Russ Harris, it gives you some of the pages of his book. Maybe another way of coping and helping you through the stages.

Arohanui Moonwitch




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Re: Coping with Grief

Post by daze7 on Mon Apr 05, 2010 5:32 am

Hello - I've been searching for something to put up here and I finally found it on my computer amongst all the clutter!!!!

'One has to return again and again to weep the tears which are still unshed. We cannot feel all the grief of our many losses at the time we suffer them. That would be too crippling. But if we would really gather our whole lives into a single whole, no emotion that belongs to us should be left unfelt.'

Irene Claremont de Castillejo
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Re: Coping with Grief

Post by Guest on Tue Apr 06, 2010 4:23 am

I looked at this from the point of view of the grief I have gone through as the result of ending my 20 year marriage


1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
It took me ten years to end my marriage.. should have done it much ealier. but if I had I would not have my boys, so its not all bad..

2. PAIN & GUILT-
"You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase."Sure did.. remorse over not kicking his arse harder/ earlier... guilt over what the breakup did to possibilities for the future and the impact it had on my kids lives, and is still having on them.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
"Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out .......You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")"

AH NO.. Please don't bring him back.... It did indeed lead to anger and lashing out.. barely recognised myself on many occasions.. you never know quite what you are capable of.

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
", a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. "
You can say that again 5 years and many many tears and frustrations

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
I think it took 5 years before I felt hope.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
My mind is working again thank god, still working on the reconstruction of my life.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
this is where I am now


cheers all

Dj

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Re: Coping with Grief

Post by robertca on Tue Apr 06, 2010 5:19 am

Very Happy i think we all can relate to the different stages

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