What do you do when you are wondering why you still bother?

Why do we continually stay on this bloody roller coaster. I have to admit I do seriously wonder sometimes. Up Down Up Down Up Down Up Down Up Down Up Down Up Down Up Down Up Down. I get so over it sometimes.

What do you do to get through the down patches?
And what motivates you to keep on keeping on?

Aw LG hon, you're not alone in wondering, that I can tell you.

This being a survivor 'thingy' is quite hard to do some days, isn't it and yeah, it can be really hard to see the daisies amongst the cow shit. But they are there, I promise.

Just sometimes, you gotta get your hands mucky and actually look for those moments, actively seek them out and then, don't self-sabotage - allow yourself the pleasure of well, pleasure, really.

We ARE allowed to smile. We are allowed to do things that please us. We are allowed, to take chances and to risk rejection. And we are allowed to succeed.

I find that when I'm really low, its little things that start to get thru to me first. Maybe a flower or the shape of a cloud, or a cuddle with my cat, if she deigns to participate.

And I dare not think 20 years ahead. If I do that, I'll tell myself I can't do another 20 years of this shit, but I reckon I can do it day by day, hour by hour n that will do me. I know its not a great way to live, but its living and that beats all the alternatives, until someone convinces me that I can play Flight Sim games in Heaven - then, I'm off but till then, ha, just you wait n see, I'll be here.

You take care of yourself eh, and find a way to treat yourself to something just for you - something that lifts your mood and leaves you feeling OK about it. I dare you to.

And what motivates you to keep on keeping on?
Well I guess,after many many times of going upndn like a yoyo I began to question the regularity of it all.I knew that the quality of life I were experiencing was changing gradually,(bardy slowly) that I were beguining to spend a little more time in the better spaces than the not-so-good spaces,so i decided to get a bit more involved in it all,I guess i got kinda responsible.
Having noticed I could in fact effect some of the feelings that were buffetting me,I decided to play around with my negative attitudes,how I was sometimes reckless,other times less so,and the more i got into fiddling with these highs an lows I realised that,My memory was helping me,informing me of what were comming next,thoughts seem to be more prolific,(where as before it were deadly slow)so I would dive into the deeper spaces with a vengance instead of fearing them comming,and I began to notice the LOWS were getting away after shorter perieods of time,and they didnt suck as much juice out a Me,it began to appear that I could do something for myself,and then it would all mysteriously-vanish and I would loose it all completely,All that I thought I had developed,earned,won like,and I would be driven into hitting Rock Bottom.

Getting stuck in a feeling is what prolongs the period of Pain!That I noticed, so I started diving into the depths,rather than fearing them,and that would shoot me thro so to speak.I also noticed,that if I allowed alittle emotion to come outa me,(Men dont usually exhibit emotion)I could change a stuck-period no matter how pathetic I sounded to myself,I would allow myself weep.Saying the most heartwrenching things I noticed would un-stick me,bring me outa those deep dark valley places;I just had to say what ever horrible thing i had to say,the things our egos dont wanna hear us say I guess.

Honesty helped alot!At first I didnt wanna say anything,but i had to,the pain at depth were unbearable,much like huge swords were being driven into me,I just had to go with it;Fighting-it always served to weaken me,and I wouldnt have enough 'energy on reserve' to explore around abit,fiddle in the shit I call it.

Because I didnt like my partner seeing me stuck-with premature Dying
I made a room apart from the house,and there I stayed,sometimes a week or so,comming out only to eat!
I also tried to stay hidden from the children;that I couldnt bear at first,they made me so sorry for my situation I felt like disappearing altogether, but I couldnt do that,as that wouldve been worse for them,as well as my partner,having to bury me.
I guess i used these kinds of situations,to trigger my deeper emotions when-ever I got STUCK in the pits,and that is what I found great about Human-feelings.If you want a feeling to Roll-over,roll-on and leave you,One must feel it totally!Go into it deeply,
otherwise the glue remains set-hard;tears release the elixer from the depth in our core,
where all life arises from.

I guess its like House cleaning,
cept its ones inner home Not the Outer house!

Hi LG, I guess we (who suffer from/experience depression) will always have those thoughts from time to time - they're a bu**er aren't they - can sneak up after quite enjoying a day, or two, or whatever - no rhyme nor reason sometimes ........ I resort to books, daily readings, clearing my thinking, talking to someone, remembering strategies taught to me and eventually 'take back my power' by saying to myself 'don't let the bast*rds grind you down' - these people (or things) are from the past/present who piss me off! This may take a while unfortunately, is not instant .... damn it .... !!! ........ Daze

self rememberance
is a poweful thing

Thanks guys. I am just struggling to understand and grasp the point of it all at the moment. I am tired of fighting it, tired of pretending to be "normal". Tired of the loneliness and emptiness. Tired of the roller coaster.

heya, what you do is look for the glimmers, the little pieces of hope that surround you, they are very small but they are there, and their light will show you the way out, they just need to be acknowledged

Yeah the roller coaster ride is rough and I often wonder if being a saviour is a good thing.

As to what I do I just hold on for the ride knowing it will come to an end at some stage.

I understand where you are coming from, but amazing it can get better

barbz wrote:heya, what you do is look for the glimmers, the little pieces of hope that surround you, they are very small but they are there, and their light will show you the way out, they just need to be acknowledged

very good advice barbz.
When one looses faith in themself
its best to start
a garden
project