My Little Black Voice

I look. I hear. I breathe. I think. I feel. I exist.
I look. I see a horrible world of shadows that engulfs me. The darkness over rides the sun which gives up in defeat.
I look. I see an ugly, fat person staring back at me. Her unruley, messy hair that never looks right. Her big pointy nose, her squinty eyes. Her crooked smile on a landscape of pimples, volcanoes and craters. She has yellow teeth, massive ears and overal a face never to be wished for.
I look. I see. Her stomach is massive with its many rolls and bulges. The ugly scars where she has taken to herself with a knife, the discolouration and pigmentation scars a results of late night rages with chemicals to punish herself. Her huge hips make her look like one giant hour glass.
I look. I see. Her huge thunder thighs. Her massive tree stump legs and the flabs of disgusting fat. She is one big slob.
I look. I see. ME!!!!!!!
I hear. I hear the words ugly, fat, stupid, idiot, obese, no hoper, dumb, loner, no good, bitch, volcano face, crazy, mental, retard, failure, pig headed, ignorent.
I breathe. But for every breath I take I wish it were my last.
I think. I think a lot of things, most of my thinking is chaotic, doesnt make sense, its like a blender, its weird, its crazy, abstract, not logical and impulsive.
I feel. I feel nothing. I feel alone. I feel empty. I feel alienated.
I exist for now.