Black Fog, not a Black Dog, - UPDATE - not as over as I thought!

Hi guys,

I Haven't posted much on here, except some odd ramblings about Tigers, and becoming invisible. But I felt I had to share this.

I had an extraordinary event in early January, and my life has changed forever.

I was raced to hospital in an ambulance with what turned out to be a huge kidney stone. The surgeon inserted a stent to prevent the kidney blocking and to allow it to drain properly. I am now on the waiting list to have the stone laser-blasted (sounds very Sci-Fi).
However, when I woke up out of the anaesthetic, It was as if they had opened the floodgates (literally). The next day, I drank about 4 litres of water, and peed even more. I went a bit "odd" in the hospital, and ended up back with the Mental Health Crisis team that I spoke to after the suicide attempt in August. I knew something odd was happening in my mind, and I didn't know what.

My body went into detox big time, and is only calming down now, after 4 weeks. I lost 3 kilos in the first week, probably mostly retained fluid. (unfortunately haven't lost any more, I'll have to work on that!) Within a few days, I realised that the fog was gone. It is only now that everything is clear that I can look back and see what had gone so wrong. I am still drinking (and peeing) about 2 - 3 litres a day. But the depression has completely gone, the heart problem has vanished, all the random aches and pains that I put down to getting old (I'm 49) have gone, and I can finally enjoy the farm that we moved onto about a year ago.

It is as if I had been living in a black fog for possibly up to 2 years. My depression seemed more like a black fog than a black dog, as everything was dim and dark, with no specific cause. My life was so blurry, I don't even have clear memories of things that happened when i was in the fog. I just couldn't be bothered with anything or anyone, and could not see an end to it. I couldn't focus on anything, and couldn't see the point in carrying on, hence the suicide attempt.

However, it now appears that the whole fog was actually my body filling with toxins due to a non-functioning kidney, which no-one suspected, least of all me. I have yet to find out if there has been any lasting damage, but I now feel better, physically as well as mentally, than I have in years! I still have the stone, but it is no longer causing any problems - I just have to wait patiently until I get it lasered. My GP told me last week that depression is a terrible mimic, and mask. Not only can it manifest as other things (such as my 2 suspected heart attacks) it can also mask the real underlying problem (such as my kidney stone). It makes real diagnosis very difficult.

Anyway, I am very grateful that I discovered this website when I did. It was somewhat comforting to know that I wasn't facing this alone, and there are people out there who could relate to what I was going through. Paddy, I have a stack of books on depression which I would like to give to the lending library for members to use. How do I get them to you?

I am now looking forward to 2010 in a way I never thought I would - I feel I have been given my life back, and it's great!

I wish everyone on the TBBD website all the best, and hope that you get your problems sorted out as thoroughly as mine have been. Although I wouldn't wish kidney stone pain on anyone!!

Hi Suems,

Wow, I am sitting here in amazement, I really dont know what to say, other than, amazing.

what an awesome story. I hope your health continues to stay so much better for you.
So nice to read something so wonderful.

Take care
Apricot.

The scary part to the whole story is how something so easily fixable turned out to be behind the whole thing. If only I had known a long time ago, I would never have gone through the hell I went through.

However, it has given me a whole new perspective on mental illness, and how easily it can creep up on you without knowing. In retrospect, this had been coming for probably up to 2 years, but I only knew I was actually sick since about July, with a heart attack scare, then everything went downhill from there. It does make me wonder how many other depressed people actually have a medical problem hidden behind it. My stone is 11 mm long, so it must have been building for a long time, and no-one ever knew until it triggered the attack.

Makes you think, dunnit?

Update March 2010:
I felt great for about 7 weeks, then everything started to go downhill again. The stent has triggered 2 kidney infections, and I've been back in hospital for more pain relief.
When I came out of hospital in early January, I was told I was on a waiting list to have the stone (and stent) removed. I didn't worry about when, cos I felt fine.
I found out a couple of weeks ago, at the GP for a second infection, that they had "forgotten" to put me on the list! I was sent to ED for pain control, and promised that I was now on the list. I rang on Monday to confirm I was on the list, to be told that there was to be a meeting later on this week to decide whether to put me on the waiting list!!! After another complaint to the Hospital, I was phoned this afternoon to be told I am finally on the list.

In the meantime, I am on some pretty powerful pain relief, all of which are KNOWN to be very damaging to the kidneys - what on earth do these idiots think they're playing at??!! And of course, since my kidneys are not functioning properly, the Black Fog is back. I caught myself today looking at my big bottle of high strength codeine, and thinking "If I don't get the op in April when they promised, I can take the lot"

I have stopped taking the painkillers, since they are probably doing more harm than good, and I now have a constant headache, and kidney pain in both kidneys, so it looks like I now have 2 stones instead of one.

I think I'll have to go back to my GP AGAIN, and get some medication to stop the panic attacks and the headaches, and advice on how to live with kidney damage. It's weird, having this depression back, but knowing what's causing it, and that it's so easily fixable, if only I can convince the doctors.

Just when I thought my life was finally coming right.... Sigh....

Aw Sue,

Print your posts out and let your GP read them, hon. Maybe THAT way, the message you are trying to ghet them to hear, will be received at their end of the conversation?

Makes ya eyes water, dunnit? I've been hospitalised a few times now, for 'leaving it too late' - and yeah, that sigh as the first 50 or so gallons finally escapes. Its good, innit, that sigh.

Take gentle care of you Sue and make the buggers listen. Tell them 'You'll hold it in till they listen' and hopefully, since they know that actually 'yep, she can, for weeks', they will rattle their dags.

Bless and Thank You for your very generous offer of books, too.
I shall PM you my details, k? Thanks again, so much.

Paddy.