How do I kick the BIG BLACK DOG to the curb?

I seem to have had one of the crappiest lives I know of.

3 Siblings (2 brothers and a sister) have committed suicide 2 of them in December ruining Christmas for me. The 3rd an older brother who sexually abused me for several years -he was 10 years older than me, I was 7 when he started on me. Then in 2006 the bastard committed suicide on my birthday ruining that day for me too. A year later one of my nephews joined the suicides making 4 in my immediate family.

I've had 2 years of counseling and thought I'd got through the worst of it but today its all back as black and bleak as ever. Had a god awful nightmare early hours this morning and can't shake off the heavy sad feelings I have.

I don't feel I'm at risk of doing anything but I surely hate this dull, dead, empty feeling I have right now. I'd do anything to get rid of the big black dog of depression forever but I sometimes feel like he's going to hang around me forever.

I've tried listening to favourite music, going for walks and reading all to no avail right now. I feel like a cat on a hot tin roof. Talk about nervous, I'm it!

I'm not taking any medications other than some herbals I get from my Natural Therapies lady, because i react badly to many prescription medications.

Apologies for sharing my burden, but had to try something to help myself.

Hello Kiwikidd77, I'm not sure if you want any replies - but - here I am.

Don't apologise for sharing things here - that's what the site is for.

I'm sorry you're feeling like you do today. Depression is all kinds of different things, isn't it. I hate the horrible 'flat' feeling that I get at times. And the heavy 'can't be bothered' that sometimes hangs about.

You've had an awful lot to cope with - suicide is never easy to deal with.

I wonder if it is time for you to see a Dr or counsellor again. Just checking in, as it were.

It's a bugger that the past can't be changed, and some of us live with the consequences of things that should never have happened.

Keep coming in here if you find it helpful. Getting things out is good.

Daze

Hi kiwikidd77, I'm glad that you feel like you can come here. As Daze said, past can't be changed and I think that is the hardest part, and you never forget either. I have found that talking is one of the best ways of getting through the day, so please feel free to post here if it helps. I also can't take most antidepressants either, but the doctor has now found one that my system can tolerate. A lot of the natural ones only seem to help people with mild to medium depression, maybe you need something stronger for the hard times. I have also been reading up on the benefits of paw paw and found it is also helps as antidepressant and just thought that you could also have something like that as well during the day just to increase the affects of the antidepressants that you are already taking.

How do I find out about PAW PAW's and their uses for depression? Google has not helped so far?

How about trying a Google Search with the words

Pawpaw medicinal uses

and tell Google to give you NZ results only. I know there are some, cos I just looked. I endorse nNone and know nothing about the subject or its efficacy or otherwise, sorry.

I know that not all 'natural' remedies are a good or even a safe mix with some folk - Medsafe has a Patient / Consumer Alert page about St.John's Wart and Prescribed Medications just as an example.

http://www.medsafe.govt.nz/Consumers/leaflets/sjw.asp is the Link.

Anyway mate, I hope that you find a way to shut The Big Black Dog out on the street and have the Council Rangers come and take it away from ya for a few days. But don't leave it there too long, sheesh, their Kennel Fees add up fast. Wouldn't it be a bugger if ya couldn't redeem it, eh?

Paddy.

it's also known by other names soursop, graviola, but we know it as paw paw.
It helps cancer, depression, high blood pressure and other things too.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CANCER KILLER - THE SOURSOP ( SIRSAK ) 10.000 TIMES STRONGER
BETTER THEN CHEMOTHERAPY.
Guyabano, The Soursop Fruit
The Sour Sop or the fruit from the graviola tree is a miraculous natural cancer cell killer 10,000 times stronger than Chemo.
Why are we not aware of this?
Its because some big corporation want to make back their money spent on years of research by
trying to make a synthetic version of it for sale.
So, since you know it now you can help a friend in need by letting him know or just drink some sour sop juice yourself as prevention from time to time.
The taste is not bad after all. It's completely natural and definitely has no side effects.
If you have the space, plant one in your garden.
The other parts of the tree are also useful.
The next time you have a fruit juice, ask for a sour sop.
cid:000a01ca2d31$62bcaca0$c7d1-
15a5@spwud36f9ebc6d
How many people died in vain while this billion-dollar drug maker concealed the secret of the miraculous Graviola tree?
Th is tree is low and is called graviola in Brazil, guanabana in Spanish and has the uninspiring name "soursop" in English.
The fruit is very large and the subacid sweet white pulp is eaten out of hand or, more commonly, used to make fruit drinks, sherbets and such.
The principal interest in this plant is because of its strong anti-cancer effects.
Although it is effective for a number of medical conditions, it is its anti tumor effect that is of most interest.
This plant is a proven cancer remedy for cancers of all types.
Besides being a cancer remedy, graviola is a broad spectrum antimicrobial agent for both bacterial and fungal infections,
is effective against internal parasites and worms, lowers high blood pressure and is used for depression,
stress and nervous disorders.
cid:000b01ca2d31$62bcaca0$c7d1-
15a5@spwud36f9ebc6d
If there ever was a single example that makes it dramatically clear why the existence of Health Sciences Institute is so vital to Americans like you, it's the incredible story behind the Graviola tree.
The truth is stunningly simple:
Deep within the Amazon
Rainforest grows a tree that could literally revolutionize what you, your doctor,

Try googleing under other names. There is a lot about it on the net.

Paddy is right, not all natural ones are safe, or work, or are even good for you. With the paw paw you have to eat the fruit, not take it in medicinal form because there is no evidence at all that it works that way. I think you can buy paw paws all year around. I have read a lot about it on the net and think it is worth a try, if I find that it doesn't work for me at least I also know that the fresh fruit won't do me any harm either.

Thanks everyone for your input. I'll be sure to get some pawpaw next shopping day.

Feeling a bit better today so the dog has backed off.

I see you are in the lovely city of Christchurch. There are a couple of really good NGOs that I suggest you look at getting in touch with. They may be able to help.

The first is the Mental Health Education and Resource Centre, They have an awesome libray there you can use and links into support groups. They are at 2nd Floor - Securities House - 221 Gloucester Street, ph 365 5344

The other group is the Depression Support Network. They provide support for people living with depression. They are located at 4th Floor, Latimer View House, 215 Gloucester St ph 366 8083.

Both are good services I have used.

I also found Rata COunselling a nice safe place to talk about my issues and was affordable. They are at 196 Coloumbo Street, ph 332-5388.

Hope these are helpful

Gosh I with you kiwikid I am going out to buy a blender and heaps of paw paws.

What great smoothies they'd make and just think I might be able to throw away the pills forever!!!!!!!!