My STRUGGLE ..........

by angiebabe Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:21 pm

DAY.1.

OK- here goes.....

After a terrible start to the year of 09 with 9 weeks off work after being badly injured during my hysterectomy Shocked

my life went down hill quickly---gained some weight--lost interest in life--irritible and constantly grumpy--tired--not sleeping well--generally being a bitch--it all came to a head --which is when I bascially broke down (lost it) felt suicidal and was a MESS!!.
This was only March 09=====So OFF to the Doctor, and on to anti-d's and then many sessions with my Psychologist, which was very helpful, and we unraveled some stuff that had been buried in me!, making me so unwell.
Crying or Very sad

So its now late July, have been thru some issues and for the most part they have worked out OK====Even postponed my last visit with my Pysch, as I felt I didn't need to go and things were improving for me---he was very pleased with my HUGE progress BUT will always be there for me-unconditionally! I love you

So now that I feel stronger - I also have weaned myself off my nortriptylene.....( I am aware of the risks of slipping back, but being medication competent and having 5 years working with Dementia/Dellusional/Depressed patients--I am convinced that I can recognise the warning signs AND am not afraid to go and seek help again--now that its all in the open and I am being finally HONEST!!).
pale

It is with this hard decision that I've made, that I will be able to get myself back on track----With the depression AND the meds I have gained 12 kilos in only 7 months-- affraid

--THIS along with my current weight is the B-I-G-g-E-S-T part of my self doubt and very LOW self esteem issues---I worked really hard 2 years ago and lost 11 kilos and was at my all-time-happiest--my marriage was as strong as it was on our honeymoon--we reconnected--the kids where happy and everything was just FAB, as I felt TERRIFFIC and had more energy and we had a happy family!.
So that is my goal and the over-eating will always make me sad. tired and a grumpy cow.
NO this journey wont be always glam and YES I expect some days are just gonna be crap-----
BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS to move forward, because its proven to me that it works! Wink