Are there any health professionals out there?

Hi all

I am so tired of being thrown from pillar to post and no one following up on their promises to contact or do something for me. It's been going on for so long and I've had enough already.

I've ended up losing my job and being put on a sickness benefit why not ACC I don't know but as a result I can't afford to even buy food or get to any appointments, WINZ have asked me not to come back into the office because of my severe PTSD and panic etc... I'm locked up in my home, alone starving and in pain and the hospital have refused to treat my physical injuries I received in an accident last year because she said it was unethical due to my anxiety and panic.... but it's not unethical for me to be in pain have tingling and numbness in my arms, hands, leg and foot for 8 months and it's getting worse.

I'm on my own, my family have abandoned me I have no support. I'm just wasting away minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.... I hate my life so much, this isn't life!

Everyday I contemplate ending it and it's a struggle to convince myself to try another day. I can't battle anymore, I'm done already, I don't want to hear another empty promise. I have hoarded up heaps of medications, I was surprised the pysc in the Crisis Team knowing I was suicidal kept plying me each week with heaps of powerful drugs, that was until he dumped me off to the Community Mental Health team with again alot of empty promises of help that never arrived. The pysc didn't even check my medical history or take my blood pressure before writting prescriptions for anti psychotic drugs.

Hayleigh

Hiya and Welcome to TBBD Hayleigh.

I’m Paddy, the bloke who started this place etc.

First thing I gotta say, is that NO, TBBD does NOT have any health or other-related professionals here to assist anyone sorry.
TBBD is me, my wee flat in Marton and the folk who find their way here and choose to use this place to give themselves a voice. There are no staff, no resources, no 0800 Crisis Lines or superstar speaking on our behalf, or anything. Even I gotta make me own coffee after paying for it first.

TBBD is simply a peer to peer support platform with no affiliations or resources – a place I thought was needed for me as much as anyone else back in 2008 when I decided to start it and see if anyone would find it useful.

The situation you describe worries me a bit, I must say. I think its fair to say that sometimes some of us become our own worst enemies and make it harder than it need be, to access health care in a timely and appropriate way. I know I can become very obnoxious and make it hard to find anyone who is even paid to give a damn. I proved that again in January when I quit taking meds and dumped them down the loo. Relax, I’m back on them and feeling a lot better for it.

I wonder if, as your options seem reduced by circumstances, a Consumer Advocate would be a help for you. You’d have to play the game and allow them to know all the truths necessary for them to try to negotiate your way back into the oversight and path to wellness route again. You may need to consider empowering that person to negotiate bill payments to ease your budget and to talk with and for you with service providers including WINZ and MH folk?

I’d much rather you DIDN’T misuse your meds, for lots of reasons hon. Tis not a good idea, trust me.

Chronic pain I understand, though I don’t know your tolerance levels or physical limitations. I just know about my chronic pain every day for more than 39 years for me.

Sucks, dunnit eh?

How about you spend some time online on the weekend and check out just what Consumer Advocacy Services there might be in your area? Then if you want some help, get in touch with them by phone or email, ask, be honest and allow help to happen. There might be some relevant info in our ‘Help Lines and other Useful Contacts’ section? Just, ‘stuff’ won’t change overnight, alas. Rebuilding bridges we’ve burned behind us is hard yakka.

And feel free to keep making use of our place here at TBBD but please, do so safely, k? Be Gentle with yourself, eh? You’re prolly worth the effort, hon.

Welcome again Hayleigh.

Paddy.
Admin / Moderator / Tea Lady bloke etc.

Hi Paddy

Thanks for your reply. I think an Advocate is the only way for me, its just going about trying to find one. For me this is like asking me to lay a golden egg. If I have something I have to do I just stress out big time and can't handle it, everything is just too difficult for me just now.
The only reason physio wouldn't assist is because I couldn't talk and when I tried to go again I had a severe panic attack while waiting outside in the corridor. I have never got angry around anyone, I can't talk and I'm usually busy just trying to breathe and hold it together the best I can. I feel very frustrated, I can't ever express that, other than I have here in writting and I haven't been able to tell anyone else how I feel about my circumstances. The one thing all the medical staff I have seen know is that I am suicidal although I have never attempted it yet, despite knowing that no one is getting in touch with me, I haven't seen anyone for a couple of months so I have been here often going days without any food and no way of getting into town to a food bank and no phone to call anyone, email is the only thing I do have so I emailed Salvation Army telling them I had no food and no way of getting to the foodbank and got no response that was like a month ago.
I couldn't feel more helpless or uncared for. I'm already unloved, out of work, in pain, stressed and scared. I can't keep this up for much longer, when I end it no one will even know... my body will just lay here and rot away undiscovered for who knows how long because no one cares or loves me.

Your story done touched my heart.... why because I am struggling too with no work and trying to find another place to live and I feel pretty awful about my circumstances as well.
I'm going to be a typical male here and ask some questions with a view to offering some practical solutions which might be of help.

Going days without food I am assuming you have no transport or close bus service with which to get to a food bank .... correct ?

About suicide. It is my firm belief that this solves nothing and in fact will probably make things worse, because I believe in an afterlife and the choices made in this one WILL have repercussions. So please don't consider it as an option.

Finally I know what it is like to feel helpless and uncared for but it seems that they are always people, sometimes strangers, with the compassion to help ease another's suffering you just have to find them or let them find you.
If all else fails you might consider praying, sometimes it actually works.

I would be willing offer some support via email if you think that would help because I have empathy with your situation and it might even help me. The best things I have done have been that which I have done for others so send me a private message if you want or just use this forum.

Someone does care OK ?

Hayleigh,

How has the last week been for you, hon? Have you been able to make any progress towards finding an Advocate with whom you're comfortable talking with etc?

DSP - I'm impressed by the empathy and understanding you offer in your Post and Hayleigh, I hope that the offers and suggestions made are of use to you.

You keep taking extra special gentle care eh, and keep using this place too if you want to, because you need an outlet for your voice. I think we all do and sometimes, its all but impossible to be heard.

Paddy.

Hi Paddy and DSP

Thank you for caring enuff to reply to me. DSP I too believe in the afterlife but I also don't think you're spirit is judged by how your life ends. Yes you're correct I am reliant on my car to get anywhere as I'm a distance from town but I can't afford to run the car and the battery keeps going flat, even tho my car is part of my disability allowance but WINZ are only giving me a few cents a week. When I asked about registration I was told they don't pay for maintenance, I have 4 bald tyres too.
I just can't bear this, it's hard enuff feeling this fear and anxiety and having panic attacks, being locked up inside all the time but worrying over how to pay the bills is making things worse, along with not being able to access treatment.
Few ppl seem to understand what I'm going through. I just want out of here I don't want to feel this anymore.

Well I had to see the doctor yesterday for a medical... I had to pay by credit card and that's climbing higher. I wrote down what I needed to say and explained my physical symptoms of my injuries from the accident that left me in bed for 6 weeks unable to move and he didn't take me seriously instead he suggested the tingling was from my overbreathing.. I said no I have tingling and numbness 24/7 in just the left foot the leg that has an injury a huge sunken area in the thigh from the handle bar of my bike, and I described my symptoms from my neck injury thats affecting my arm and hands but I left without anything other than my medical cert. I already have a neck injury a specialist was concerned about, I have reinjuried it and it hasn't even been looked at.
Just because I have PTSD and anxiety they're going to keep blaming real injury symptoms on that!

I now feel totally utterly helpless and powerless even more than I already did.... no one else would be expected to put up with this but I am expected to suck it up....

I've had to suck up pain and abuse my whole life! No 1 is listening!!

I DONT WANNA BE HERE!!! I HATE MY EXISTENCE!!!

I cant move on or get treatment if I'm not taken seriously or listened to, I can feel myself shutting down....

I give up, I just give up! There's just no point anymore.

It is quite worrying to hear you talk this way
Take some comfort from the fact that you are not alone in struggling with circumstances. Many people myself included can say that life has not worked out very well, and sometimes "shit happens".
It's so true that adversity builds character. We only grow in our ability to cope only when we are under pressure, and it sounds like that is where you are right now. No one to rescue you which means that sucking it up is what you must do. YOU WILL COME OUT STRONGER! And that experience of overcoming will be useful to you and probably someone else in the future, because that is how the universe works.
I can't count the number of times I desired to throw in the towel, after all it's easier.
Don't know what else to say, words do indeed feel entirely inadequate.
The only thing I can think of is this.
Find somebody who can walk this through with you in such a way that enduring the pain is a little easier.
DON'T GIVE UP!

I could accept if sometimes shit happens but my whole life has been "Shit happens" I've been told I'm strong by professionals cos they say others would have been hospitalised from what i've been through.

Theres only so much anyone can take! it was bad enuff trying to cope with the PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks and then the financial worry week to week and not having food, but not being able to access any support or help and when I do having physical injuries dismissed just because I suffer
from anxiety...... I'm sorry but I just feel totally defeated now, absolutely defeated. It's shut down time.

Hayleigh,

Hiya, hon. I hear ya. Loud 'n clear. Not a lotta fun some days, is it, this 'life' stuff. Doable though, if we attack it in small enough chunks.

Have you had any luck in finding an Advocacy service that might be able to work with you and the various folk you need to get working for and with you?

Um, if you'd like to email me directly (patq60@xtra.co.nz) and have a chat about stuff in private, I'm more than happy to listen and see what I may be able to do to guide you towards getting a better quality of life through accessing various services. I can't promise anything but hey, I'm willing to give it a go for you. I don't have any specific skills other than being pig-headed and disinclined to give up but if I can help in any way, I'm happy to, k.

Paddy.

hye hun im studying to be a mental health nurse, u can email me on zanniyeah@gmail.com and i can do my best to help you.

i'm not a health professional by any measure either.

but i am here, and i do listen quite well i'm told. i've done life coaching, and i'm a reiki master so can send distance healing etc.

it seems to me like you have everything on top of you and no tools to dig yourself out. so it's overwhelming, too big, too hard and (from your perspective) not worth the effort.

everyone has their mountain to climb, some peoples mountains are much tougher and higher than others.

Hayleigh are you still around here? Reading your story saddens me and I would really like to hope you are OK and things have happened to make your life better.
Take care Hon and it would be nice to know you are OK.

Does anyone know what happened to Hayleigh? Her last past post is very concerning