My friend in dying

and she doesn't have long, I feel so hopeless

Cancer in her lungs, liver failure because of cancer, cancer in her kidneys etc, all scattergun pattern...

She went to hospital in pain last weekend, and instead of giving her treatment, the doctors have told her there is too much cancer to attack and sent here home with morphine,



Just thought I would share my misery, after all a misery shared is a misery halved???

*packs up 1/2 of MyLife's misery (and a bit extra) in a backpack and wanders off for a long walk up a very high mountain whistling a happy tune in honour of the human spirit*

Im sorry for your distressing news MyLife ((((hugs))))

I just don't know how I will be around her, I will just want to cry

MyLife,

I often wonder what it is we may think we are protecting people from by not crying. They know how sad it is, not only for them but for us too. We are not protecting them from that knowledge.

I think perhaps the greatest gift we can give someone in this situation is to be with them ... completely with them, unafraid of our own feelings so that they can be unafraid of theirs.

I dont think your friend will mind if you cry MyLife.

Here I am again, at home thinking of my friend. Oh how I wish I could trade, she doesn't deserve this, not one bit.

She has lived a good healthy life so far, no smoking, non drinker and no fatty foods...

I wish I could trade..

Hi mylife hugz to you and your friend, I would cry as this would show your friend what a great loss her friendship is goin to mean to you and you may find that she is trying to be brave for everyone she just needs someone to acknoledge that this is crap and cry with her.

I haven't been able to visit her, she is too weak. She is self administering morphine which the doc's gave to her to take home. They have told her they can do no more.

I phoned her this morning, she sounded weaker than ever, not a good night so she was dozing. She pleaded with me not to visit today as she had her solicitor coming around this afternoon - she couldn't remember the time.

She didn't have to plead, I told her I understood, and said I would visit later in the week. I said goodbye and hung up.

It occured to me that the goodbye could mean just that. I think it is a matter of days... or maybe a day or two.

I really want to see her, to hold her and talk. But I know that may be a selfish wish, I am not sure she wants anymore visitors. I think it takes all of her strength to sleep....let alone talk. I can hear her lungs rattling as she talks to me on the phone.

This is so painful, at 53/54 she is still a spring chicken, but now she has no spring in her step, she has little fight.

I dont want her to go, but the reality is she needs to be free of pain, of cancer. It is cruel.

Her family needs her to be free too, to stop the suffering and to start the grieving process too.

So it is with a heavy heart that I must, I really must, set aside my selfishness and allow her to move on at her own pace, in her own time.

I am not coping with this well, her family are being brave - but not coping either. Robyn is coping she tells me, but I suspect she is not in reality.

She died last night, about 40 minutes after we saw her, and about 5 after her son had left with his Aunt.

I had told her (whispered to her so no one else could hear) that her husband and son will be fine, we are always friends, not matter where she is. Her eyelids fluttered, and she nodded as if she knew it was time, and she knew what I was saying.

She waited until her only child left, and it was just her and her husband. They have a new life together now, and many first hurdles over the next 12 months.

my thoughts love and hugs to you and there family mylife

Thank you m23. This is really hard for me, she is our best mans wife and, although we did not see her alot in recent years, she is still a close friend.

We have now finally told our boys and they have both opted to go to the funeral.

They were both sad, but accepted what had happened. I figure that we have been so open and honest about what was happening that they had already 'braced' themselves for it.

MYLife

What can I say but that I am so very sorry for your loss and your friends family's great loss.

I hope we see you back here soon but in the meantime I hope you know our thoughts are with you, and them.

HUgs

Ness

Thank you Ness,

The funeral was tough, but I still got up and spoke. I spent around 2 days on and off writing a page and a half about her.

I started out introducing myself, moving on to how I met her, then what we did together and lastly this paragraph

" I am missing you already. You were taken way to early in life. Although we lost a bit of contact in recent years, you were, and still are, a good friend of mine. Your passing ends a life, not a relationship I am privilaged to know you. My memories will continue forever, with laughter, sadness and rememberance of both good times and bad.


Rest easy my friend,"

That was the hardest one to read and I did have to take "stock" before I read it. I could hear people crying after I said it. At the wake I did have alot of her relations saying thank you for getting up and saying what you said.

I even got a text from a recruiter (from a recruitment agency that I registered with) yesterday, telling me she was very impressed with my little talk - it made her cry. I didn't recall seeing her at the funeral but she was there.

The past couple of days have been different, I think I will find it most difficult when I see her husband and son and expect her to be there.

I cannot believe she has gone, even though I saw her so close to her death, and spoke at her funeral. Unbelievable how the mind works. What a gap that has been left.

What great times we had.