what am i sposed to do????
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jaffakiwi
mistameenah
6 posters
The Big Black Dog Message Board & Chat Room (TBBD) :: Depression & Mental Illness Discussion :: The Ventilation Chamber
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what am i sposed to do????
i have spoken to my shrink
we talked about my ex and how suspect he is using p, and possibly helping someone make it
i wanted to know if i should stop my son from visiting him
i know he isnt doing and thing at his house
but
he does have fairly dodgey ppl living there
my son has already decided that he dosnt want to stay the night at dads any more
my dilema is do i stop contact completely, until my ex has gotten himself clean?
my ex has been an addict of some sort or other ever since i met him
when he is on pot he is silly and dum
when he is on the booze he is silly and shitty
when he is on p
he stops being a person
i know he would do his best not to let harm come to our son
but its not just about that
its do i want my child around a p addict
please you all let me know what you thing
i know it would break my sons heart not have his dad in his life
but as things are going
should he be???
we talked about my ex and how suspect he is using p, and possibly helping someone make it
i wanted to know if i should stop my son from visiting him
i know he isnt doing and thing at his house
but
he does have fairly dodgey ppl living there
my son has already decided that he dosnt want to stay the night at dads any more
my dilema is do i stop contact completely, until my ex has gotten himself clean?
my ex has been an addict of some sort or other ever since i met him
when he is on pot he is silly and dum
when he is on the booze he is silly and shitty
when he is on p
he stops being a person
i know he would do his best not to let harm come to our son
but its not just about that
its do i want my child around a p addict
please you all let me know what you thing
i know it would break my sons heart not have his dad in his life
but as things are going
should he be???
mistameenah- Number of posts : 206
Location : auckland
Registration date : 2009-12-28
Re: what am i sposed to do????
hey mista (lol),
I can only go off your message, so you should take my opinion with a grain of salt. Personally I feel that you should talk openly with your son about your concerns, and also with your ex. I would let your son make up his own mind about how much contact he wants with his father. I would educate your son on the dangers of P, and why you are concerned. I think if you try and keep him away from his father, it might strain the relationship between the two of you.
I hope this helps =]
I can only go off your message, so you should take my opinion with a grain of salt. Personally I feel that you should talk openly with your son about your concerns, and also with your ex. I would let your son make up his own mind about how much contact he wants with his father. I would educate your son on the dangers of P, and why you are concerned. I think if you try and keep him away from his father, it might strain the relationship between the two of you.
I hope this helps =]
jaffakiwi- Number of posts : 248
Location : Palmy
Registration date : 2010-01-23
Re: what am i sposed to do????
Hey Mista,
How old is your son??
Hugs to you
How old is your son??
Hugs to you
peterpam- Number of posts : 653
Location : christchurch
Registration date : 2008-10-26
Re: what am i sposed to do????
Hello Mistameenah, I wonder if your son could see his dad on neutral ground - not in his dad's home. It's interesting that your son doesn't want to sleep-over there any more.
It's really hard to separate out the person from the addiction(s) - but it's an unhealthy environment. Too much 'learned behaviour' of a bad kind.
Have you heard of Alanon or Alateen? I'm not sure what is in your area. Did your psych suggest anything to you?
It's a real dilemma for you .............. Hugs for both of you ... Daze
It's really hard to separate out the person from the addiction(s) - but it's an unhealthy environment. Too much 'learned behaviour' of a bad kind.
Have you heard of Alanon or Alateen? I'm not sure what is in your area. Did your psych suggest anything to you?
It's a real dilemma for you .............. Hugs for both of you ... Daze
daze7- Number of posts : 630
Location : New Plymouth
Registration date : 2008-08-26
Re: what am i sposed to do????
hey guys thanks for your advice
my son is 8 tomorrow
i think i will talk to my son
and i will talk to the ex
i will also look into the alanon group
i don't want to take my sons father away from him
but
i dont want my son to learn how to become an addict, or be in a volatile enviroment
i am going to talk to my ex. altho i do know that he will not understand
but
you never know
P stops ppl from being real
i have had that addiction myself, and i KNOW how evil the drug is
i just have to do some more thinking and getting more advice.
thankyou all for your wise words
my son is 8 tomorrow
i think i will talk to my son
and i will talk to the ex
i will also look into the alanon group
i don't want to take my sons father away from him
but
i dont want my son to learn how to become an addict, or be in a volatile enviroment
i am going to talk to my ex. altho i do know that he will not understand
but
you never know
P stops ppl from being real
i have had that addiction myself, and i KNOW how evil the drug is
i just have to do some more thinking and getting more advice.
thankyou all for your wise words
mistameenah- Number of posts : 206
Location : auckland
Registration date : 2009-12-28
Re: what am i sposed to do????
Hi Mis
Kid's are uncannily sensible at times.
You describe what could be a potentially dangerous evironment, and if there was a bust, your son could be at risk on many levels, the least which would be the hairy lentil munching social worker types.
Talk to the ex and as you point out he loves his boy, so would maybe agree to spend the day at a friends, relatives or visits to Macdonalds, museum, whatever is safest for everybody, your peace of mind included.
Love to you
Martine
Kid's are uncannily sensible at times.
You describe what could be a potentially dangerous evironment, and if there was a bust, your son could be at risk on many levels, the least which would be the hairy lentil munching social worker types.
Talk to the ex and as you point out he loves his boy, so would maybe agree to spend the day at a friends, relatives or visits to Macdonalds, museum, whatever is safest for everybody, your peace of mind included.
Love to you
Martine
Martine- Number of posts : 367
Location : Christchurch
Registration date : 2009-12-24
Re: what am i sposed to do????
wow yea i hadnt even thought about what would happen if the hairy lentil munching social workers got involved
that is terrifying
i am seeing the ex tomorrow
will talk to him then
thankyou for your advice
that is terrifying
i am seeing the ex tomorrow
will talk to him then
thankyou for your advice
mistameenah- Number of posts : 206
Location : auckland
Registration date : 2009-12-28
Re: what am i sposed to do????
Hey Martine I had to laugh "the hairy lentil munching social worker types"!!
Last edited by becks on Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:54 pm; edited 1 time in total
becks- Number of posts : 238
Age : 52
Location : Christchurch
Registration date : 2009-09-27
Re: what am i sposed to do????
Happy Birthday to your little guy Mista ..... hope he's had a great day!
Daze
Daze
daze7- Number of posts : 630
Location : New Plymouth
Registration date : 2008-08-26
Re: what am i sposed to do????
Mis
I hope your day went well (inspite of the horrible weather) and you were able to reach common ground with your ex.
And the wee boy's birthday was a magic one.
Love Martine
I hope your day went well (inspite of the horrible weather) and you were able to reach common ground with your ex.
And the wee boy's birthday was a magic one.
Love Martine
Martine- Number of posts : 367
Location : Christchurch
Registration date : 2009-12-24
Re: what am i sposed to do????
hi all
my boy had such a great day
his dad didnt show up, as i expected
i knew he wouldnt
said he was sick
hmmmm i dont think so
anyway
i will talk to him tomorrow
or maybe i won't
seems that it would simply be a waste of my energy
but my darling sons and i had a great day with the birthday boy
and that is all that really matters
my boy had such a great day
his dad didnt show up, as i expected
i knew he wouldnt
said he was sick
hmmmm i dont think so
anyway
i will talk to him tomorrow
or maybe i won't
seems that it would simply be a waste of my energy
but my darling sons and i had a great day with the birthday boy
and that is all that really matters
mistameenah- Number of posts : 206
Location : auckland
Registration date : 2009-12-28
Re: what am i sposed to do????
Shame about Dad not showing up Mis, but I am glad you and the wee one had a special day anyway.
Good on you.
Good on you.
Martine- Number of posts : 367
Location : Christchurch
Registration date : 2009-12-24
Re: what am i sposed to do????
the ex has made no effort to see his boy all week, or even ring to happy birthday for monday
so it seems the decision to stop contact
has been taken out of my hands
so
aint that just grand
what a bastard
so it seems the decision to stop contact
has been taken out of my hands
so
aint that just grand
what a bastard
mistameenah- Number of posts : 206
Location : auckland
Registration date : 2009-12-28
Re: what am i sposed to do????
Mista,
Please ensure your son knows not to take it personally. It can be so hard for a child to understand why a parent is not around. They internalise it, thinking that there is something wrong with him. Please don't let your son do that.
Please ensure your son knows not to take it personally. It can be so hard for a child to understand why a parent is not around. They internalise it, thinking that there is something wrong with him. Please don't let your son do that.
jaffakiwi- Number of posts : 248
Location : Palmy
Registration date : 2010-01-23
The Big Black Dog Message Board & Chat Room (TBBD) :: Depression & Mental Illness Discussion :: The Ventilation Chamber
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