a few months ago

i was standing on a cliff - literally- the only reason i didn't jump was because i wanted to say 'good-bye' to someone and couldn't think who. I've got a bit better since then (thank god), but i'm so scared of being in the same place.

Wow, I'm so glad you didn't jump, well done.

Yeah, its a terrifying place to be - I know it first hand. Have you anyone you can rely on when you are feeling scared or hurting?

Justme. Thats who i rely on. No, I don't rely or lean on other people. I just so hate feeling like that. It not so bad most days, i've learnt to stay busy, but i can't work 24/7!

Yeah, I sorta guessed you were doing this by yourself. They can be long days, can't they. Very long.

Where abouts are you? I'm in Marton.

ok, how'd ya guess that? I'm in Auckland. Some days pass so fast I'm planning dinner before i'm awake, and others take an eternity.

Ah, I'm just a sensitive new age guy, I can suss these things, lol. And your name kinda gave me a clue, along with what you wrote.

I can't remember the last 'fast day' I had - they all seem to drag on interminably, especially as I have difficulty sleeping.

Hi justme,

It sounds so familiar. You need to find a reason to hang on when you are in that situation. For me it is picturing how much it would hurt my son and what it would do to him plus my faith. I have told my psychiatrist how I feel, it could go either way so easy but she doesn't think that I would do it because of this. I often think how good it would be to be in a coma where you don't feel anything, won't try to do that either, it would destroy my sons happiness.