I just can't do it anymore

I just can't

I just can't end mylife.

It is too hard.

I look at my boys, their eyes, and I just can't.

I look at my husband, eye's teary, and I just can't.

I just wish I could.

God I am useless, worthless and unworthy of this world. Everyone is better than me - I can't even take my self out. And no one would care if I could.

No body cares, no one.

Here for everyone else, not me.

Hey mylife. Paddy cares. TBBD community cares. Your life is important.

not tonight

Hello Mylife, Are you still having counselling? You were doing so well - but as most of us know - it's an 'up and down' sort of thing - unfortunately.

If you're not feeling right is it time to see your Dr again?

We can't fix much - we can support - we are the people who understand.

Do hope you feel a bit better for writing what you're feeling, or the thoughts you're having .... remember, recovery is FOR YOURSELF but you don't have to do it BY YOURSELF .........

Thinking of you ................ Daze

hiya hun

I am trying to get into chat to talk to you...but my useless dialup is dicking me around!!

bastard you are feeling so shitty hun...you are an amazing person who I am proud to call my friend...and it makes me wish I could just pop round for a coffee and a shoulder.

from my heart to yours hun, britey

sorry cn't stop crying now, better go.

Hi Mylife

I'm glad you were are able to come on here, and 'let out' what your feeling and coping with. Tears are good MF ' not at the time I know, but helps release some of the 'hurt' -'pain'.

Tiz a horrible place to be MF - you have already taken action by sharing with us all here. The scary part, but the next part, is to ask for help. I hope you do MF, cause you deserve it.

Thinking of you

Poetry

Yes I was doing well with my councillour, still am and am still seeing her.

But I am so sick of..........

So sick of not being a perfect little asshole.

So sick of being me.

I want the end.... but I am to gutless to go through with it.

My husband is finding he is wearing down with our pressures and woes.

Funny because my councillour and I were talking about the highs and lows. She said I need to find things to slow me down when I start to get up the high hill. Things like a walk, a bubble bath - you know - the relaxing things to slow oneself down.

I just can't think of any myself - I am so stupid.

OMG life just sucks.

I found out today that a friend have lung cancer and liver cancer.

Fuck it, life. A friend with breast cancer, and another with this.

Friend with BC is the most fit and healthy person I know. The other with Lung Cancer has never smoked a day in her life and is not a drinker.

This just sucks.

why???

Something I am really asking alot lately.

Why?

All I do is pray. I still havent got to the bottom of why, but look on here theres so many cool and talented people who have similar issues. Its not fair. Every day as it comes doll....

Mylife - please look after yourself. That's all I ask.

You know for a fact that you're not stupid, or useless.
You're worth being on this planet. I know how hard it is, trust me I do.

Just breathe, if you feel like doing something drastic, take 30 seconds to breathe. I know it's hard to see all the good things that are right there in front of you, i really do.

Does your heart warm when you think of your children?
Does it warm when they kiss you goodnight?
When they cuddle their Mum?

I know it is hard, we all do here. But we're here for each other, And I know you've been here for me so much. So it's my turn now.

Please be safe. If you have to, sleep, eat what you enjoy, scream out to the world, cry deeply.
We would all prefer that than knowing you've gone. Please.

Remember weren't you coming down to Wellington?
I would love to meet you, really I would.

Please stay safe,

Qwerky90
xxx

Things to slow you down...lay down and watch the clouds or the ants. paint your nails ..knitt...take up smoking(ha ha just kidding) cuddle the cat..yes the bath thing really helps me...sleep ...put pebbles in your shoes(it makes you walk slowley)...hide somewhere where you can just watch the world go by...walk barefoot in the grass...tickle your kids and dressup like a fairy...hmmmm cant think of any more

just know that I am sitting here thinking of you and breathing for you and making up dumbass slow things for you to do because I care too

.

Gee thanks guys, I really do appreciate the support you are giving here.

I am ok, have an excessively sore back (think I have some vertebrae out in between my shoulder blades - and at the base of my back, and oh on my neck too...) and it needs adjusting. That isn't helping my cause.

Feel extremely sleepy today. Forgot my meds last night and had them this morning - think that has done it.

Not a good look attending a course and going glassy eyed during it - trying to surpress the yawns!