One year since . . . . .

Well tomorrow it would be exactly one year since a very close friend of mine killed herself - she was only 14.

I dont know how I am going to cope All that I know is that I am going to go to school in the afternoon coz we are going kayaking

Its going to be hard. But yeah.

I just thought I would post that on here so that if people who know me outside of here wonder why I might very good tomorrow, thats why.

Hi woppow ............ anniversary times can be so hard - my only suggestion is that you try and remember the good times with your friend. But you will be sad too ......... Daze

Thanks Daze.

I got a Helium balloon today, and I am planning on writing a message on it to her, and let it go on the beach. So its not a huge thing but its something.

That's a lovely idea woppow .... a freeing thing ... send some of your sadness with the balloon ... and you may feel a ittle lighter ...... Daze

Hi woppow, sending hugs and hope you are looking after yourself. A lovely thought with the balloon, hope that helps hun.

Hi woppow, and she probably felt lonely and that no one would miss her.

If only she knew that people like you cared so much she may have thought

differently. God Bless her and keep her and thank you for keeping her

memory alive.

Martine

Today went well.

I was feeling like overdosing, so I decided to get a rabbit. lol. She is with me now.

I have named her Hope. http://images.trademe.co.nz/photoserver/74/120486274_full.jpg theres a pix of her! Please tell me what you think of her.

how cute

aww she is luvley!

Aww Woppow she looks lovely and I like her name. Animals are really great when you feel down. They will listen and not judge and some like cuddles which I'm sure Hope is good at already. Are you feeling a bit better since you've had her? Hugs to you Wopp. Take care of you and Hope (of course)!

Wop that was a very smart thing to do, and Hope is gorgeous! I love bunnies

Woppow good on you and HOPE welcome to this family.

You have already done me a lot of good you are so pretty.

Thanks everyone

She has really helped me heaps! Today I wanted to harm myself. So i bathed her.
Every time I am with her she seems to have a calming affect on me.

When I was bathing her today, I related it alot to my life, She didnt like the water, But she stayed calmed and then it was over.

thats lovely to hear, and i'll bet she's even nicer to snuggle now
if you find yourself with too much mopeing time, you could have a go at making treats for her too, i used to make cookies for my bunnies when i was little. Here's some ideas -
http://www.helium.com/items/1260229-homemade-edible-treats-for-your-pet-rabbit

Thanks Moonskr, I might try that tomorrow after college. . I am going to make her this:





So that should keep me out of trouble for a bit

I had a break down this week. - Tuesday night I got to meet a police dog. But after waiting for 4 hours for the crisis team they just gave me a zopiclone and said follow up with your case manger tomrw/today.
Saw her on Wednesday, for the first time ever I cried in front of her. We decided going into respite that night would be tooo risky, but instead I went home, then later that night I went to end my life. But started thinking about how many loss ends my mum would have to sort out.
Thrusday morning my case worker rang me. I told her about what happened Wen night, She didnt feel alright just with the phone call. so I went in to see her. Out of this meeting they have upped all my meds. and kinda moved me out of home until I am 18. - mon, tues, wens, I will stay at respite, Thrus, Fri, Sat at my grandparents, and Sun at home.

I still dont know how I feel about it owell.

Everything in my life just got sooooo hard and is. I have to come up with 430 today to pay of a fine, I went into the court and told them I dont have any money. They said tough luck. I went into winz to see about getting on a benfit, they told me nothing they could do, so I lost it at them. The guy that mugged me a month back is saying he didnt do it. So I gotta take him to court if I want him charged. My dad has been very hmm "upset" and I will say Heavy. My brother wont get out of bed - He has bipolar and has stopped his meds. My folks are going away next week. So I would of been looking after the rabbit, the dog, My brother and myself. My mum isnt happy she cries alot. School is going crap - I havent made any friends and I dont get what the teachers goes on about!
Things are just toooooo much and nothing is right atm. I got nothing to look forwards to .

Ohwell I have to take the dog to the vet, Thanks for reading, I just needed to get it all out

gosh that is a heap of things to try and deal with
hope the vet trip goes well for your doggy at least...

hugs from me anyway

Hey there Wop

Been a wee while since catching up with you. You do have a lot to worry about. Maybe the respite may be a good thing having some time-out and support. Take care Woppow, cause you are a very strong and capable person, with so much to offer.

something that comes to mind, is because of your passion for outdoor education this could be something to work towards, and maybe something to discuss with your teacher, setting a goal and saying ' help me' Oh and let your teacher know the 'stuff' is going over my head, possibly she may have notes she can pass onto you. Keep dreaming Wop - I have this sense that you are going to be an inspiration to youth.

Big hugs Wop

Poetry

Thanks guys. Respite has helped at all!!!!! I nearly got kicked out last night, coz I just wanted to spent some time outside. - it was only midnight, I was the only one there!

I am looking forwards to seeeing my support worker today.

I now have more cuts on my arm. - Not much I can say about them. It just help in a weird way.


enought about me, i should be doing school work.

Hey all.

Well I just thought I would let people know whats going on in my life. Tuesday. I tryed oding, And then got sent to the youth mental ward. I got discharged on Wenesday. Then Thrusday I rang up my casework, and she put me back into hosp. Discharged on Friday. And then later friday I O.d and spent the night in the hospital. and now back in the mental unit.

They are talking about discharge tomrw. But I dont think thats safe, - which I have been telling the nurses the last two times they discharged me.


I just want to shake them and say, I am asking for help, so fucken help me!!!!!


Thanks for Reading

Oh Wopp I'm so sorry to hear how things have been for you- it sounds like life has been really difficult and I don't understand why they keep discharging you when you clearly feel that is an unsafe option for you. I just feel disgusted with our mental health system...it just seems to be inadequate on so many levels and this is peoples lives we are talking about. Wopp I truly hope things get better for you and that you receive the help you so rightly deserve. Many Hugs and please take care.

Thanks Becks.

Things are ok, I am discharged from hospital. and now living 1 hour out of town with my grandparents.


Time will tell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Hope (my rabbit) died yesterday

I feel so sad for you Woppow ..... what a shame .... how are you?

Daze