Clarification of 'stuff' in a recent Journal Entry at TBBD...

As site administrator etc, I take this place and what happens here seriously. I try real hard, often to my detriment, to keep this place going, safe, relevant, useful – all sorts of things. And I care about every member here.

I very rarely look in two particular sections of TBBD – The Women’s Room, and Journals. Unless someone specifically suggests I should.
First off, I ain’t a female, so that’s ‘Your’ space not mine, girls.
And I try not to read Journals as part of my own survival and welfare plan – there is a limit to how much a camel can carry, without falling to its knees, and that is one way I try to manage my personal intake of problems.

Last night it was suggested that I read part of a members Journal – so I did.

Mylife, you are somewhat ‘selective’ in what you chose to take out of a site administration matter between Admin and you. I see your Journal entries elicited some comments even given the brevity and condensed nature of what you chose to say – sympathy is always welcome at TBBD but best folk know what they are sympathising over, mmmm?

Lets be very open about things here at TBBD eh, ML. I won't even mention your rudeness and snarkyness in Chat last night despite my total politeness to you when I was there as ‘just’ Paddy2.

Here is the story, folks: From the Site Admin side anyway.

On Thursday 14 January 2009, I as the site owner, founder, admin, host, whatever ya wanna call it, sent a Personal Message to our member, ‘mylife.’ From Admin (Paddy2), not Paddy2.

I don’t think I’ve ever published PMs I have sent to members in my admin role.
Today I shall, in the interests of balance and to give all a chance to comment, since ‘things’ are out on the Board anyway. I will however, delete the personal name from the PMs.


Admin (Paddy2) Thu 14 Jan 2010 - 21:57

**** hon,

I need to know what the problem is.

Please visit the section at the top of the Board headed 'Memberlist', sort by number of posts, descending. You have made so far, 1657 -odd posts here.

Thats vastly more than any other member which here at TBBD and that tells me I have a problem. Whats a workable solution?

Cos already this week, you have made 24 Posts. A few, are good, they add to the Board and I'm glad you made them. But most? Nah hon, something has to change. What are we gunna do mate? I would be negligent as 'host' here if I didn't make my concerns known, **** and I can't allow the 'problem' to escalate.

Believe it or not, I'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to help. I hope you want to, too.

Ta,

Pat.
Admin.


That didn’t go down as well as I’d hoped. I am not a professional anything, all I can try to do here is my best, for me and everyone else.

So, in response to replies from mylife, I sent a Second PM.

Admin (Paddy2) Fri 15 Jan 2010 - 11:49

****,
not once did I say 'don't be here, don't post. Not once.

And I didn't mention any other member, did I ****? I said I, as Admin have a problem. And I do.

I asked a mental health professional who visited me at home on a totally unrelated matter, to have a quick look at the Board and let me know that persons thoughts on it. When that person saw the Posting Stats and saw the quite large disparity between the number of posts made by the 'top three' posters since TBBD started on 16 August 2008, the stats were brought to my attention. In December 2009.

It was suggested to me that the stats and a read of some of the posts showed there was maybe something going a bit wrong and that too many of the posts were noise, not substance.

As you know I'm not a health professional, I'm simply me - so, I had to raise it with you. I have to, I'm ultimatley responsible for the use of the Board and I have to use what passes as my best judgement. After thinking about things.

How you choose to react and act is entirely up to you **** - personally, I'd suggest you don't make any hasty decisions but you know you best, mate.

I've actually been trying to figure out a way to raise this with you since early December - I have 'drafted' I dunno how many Notes to you and I didn't do anything but write them and save them in my computer.

So yeah ****, it is up to you what happens.

I have noticed that you are exceptionally fast on the draw when it comes to assuming that folk are sick of you or whatever - that might be something worth raising at a very early counselling session. No one is picking on **** except ****. The rest of the world - we're not, best I can tell. Not ever, here. Not at TBBD because I wouldn't let it happen. And nor would any other member I can think of.

Pat.
Admin.

I have not published this information to cause any embarrassment or hurt to any one. I have published it in the interests of running an open and safe home for us.

Mylife, don’t forget either, all of the personal emails sent to me over the course of months, the ‘stuff’ I have allowed you to unburden on me – not once have I been anything less than totally honest with you. Or unreasonable, best as I can tell.

Lets not lose sight either of the fact that the ‘Posting Count’ for our member mylife here at TBBD started back at zero after she withdrew her membership last year and then was welcomed back. The count is ‘only’ from 06/06/2009.

Was I wrong to raise my concerns?
I take this place and the way our folk use it, pretty seriously. Mea Culpa.

Could I have ‘said’ things more nicely?
No. Believe me, that first PM was the work of many many prior attempts, which I chose not to send but saved instead on my computer.

Incidentally, adding the total number of Posts made by me both as Admin and Paddy2 still brings me personally nowhere close to the total of posts made by ML since 06 2009. It ain’t a competition to post the most.

Feel free to comment, since this has become a TBBD Community matter.

I am not always right but I always care. But please remember, I don’t do selective honesty. I’m all for free and frank discussions where all the story is told.

So, fire away at me.

And mylife, don’t do anything silly mate. And Yes, if you do tanty and go, of course you can come back. I’ve never begged anyone to stay here, just to stay safe.

I will also reiterate a comment I made in Chat last night as a Moderator.

At TBBD members have anonimity. No member has the right to use or publish any other members real name in any part of TBBD, unless invited to. Even then, don’t assume what you did yesterday can be done again tomorrow. Think, before using real names, eh?

ML, I choose when to put my surname on our site. I hope for no less courtesy in that regard than is shown to any other member by anyone. Yep, I have less anonimity than most and that was my deliberate decision to help show that a ‘real ordinary person’ was ‘behind’ TBBD – Not some faceless entity, but a person. A person with mental illness too. Not an expert on anything, just a person.

So there folks. This is where ‘things’ stand. No one is being asked to ‘take sides’ and if anyone wants to talk about any of the ‘things’ in this Post or indeed about my performance as site admin in any part of TBBD then feel free to say so. Remember, this site works best when there is honesty and openness. If I get it wrong, tell me.

Pat.
Admin (Paddy2).

P.S. Members who do wish to comment on any negative aspects of my Site Administration OR Moderation performances are asked to do so in this Thread rather in mylifes Journal space - thats hers. Thank You.

Thanks for your post Paddy, it is very clear and concise. There is obviously NO offence or bad feeling intended towards any person and it is clear that you put a lot of thought into your wording to prevent anyone from taking offence. If anyone does then it is, in my opinion, their interpretation and not your intention. I think all of us appreciate the energy you put into this site and the obvious genuine feeling and honesty you fill your posts with. You rarely intervene in others posts and problems but on the occasions that you do it is only for the emotional safety of the members involved. This site appears to have been a real lifeline for many people, some of who are no longer here but have moved on healthier and happier for having been there. Thanks again for all you have done and continue to do. Judy

Hi Paddy2

Thanks for posting this on here - I feel I should reply.

Firstly, I am not offended or upset with this posting, not in any way.

I am merely confused.

I had thought my 'noise' was helpful, not damaging. I felt I supported the community here and the people in it.

Secondly, I only 'off loaded' problems to you personally because you invited me to, I would never have done that otherwise. Your personal suggestions were taken on board, but not ness acted upon. Thank you for you suggestions.

Thirdly, names on chat, hmmm you are quick to reference to Kelly, I slipped up with your name sorry. You know that a past member here not only posted my name on chat - but also my address. I have been mindful of this in all posts on chat, but occasionally slip up.

To be honest, I didn't think I was being rude and snarky on chat the other night, and upon reading the archives there still don't.

Lastly, Paddy2 you have done a mighty fine job of this website, and I commend you for that. And you think I am immature enough now to throw a 'tanty' as you put it, you are sadly mistaken. I am not going to withdraw my membership - I am well past that stage of getting really upset over comments or posts here. I have just decided to continue my journal in paper format, incase it is construed to be 'noise'. You are right, I do assume it is my fault when people here leave the chat etc just as I have said something - and we all know I am quick to type and can 'hog' chat, I am mindful of that. My nature is to talk away (often told that at home!) and do try to bite my tongue. Yes my inital reaction to your personal messages was that of anger - here I was thinking I was helping people by comments - even if they were not substaintial, I would still get most saying thanks for caring. And your MHW saying that they were 'noise' really threw me for six, and this is depicted in my replies to your pm's. I am still a little angry over the comment made by the MHW.

It wasn't my intention to make you angry, however, I have. With that in mind - whilst I still feel welcome here.. I feel it is now time to move ahead with out TBBD so much in mylife. As previously said, I'll remain a member, but will only visit from time to time. I am not going to argue with you. This is your site, you are boss, but I feel my time here on a regular basis is drawing to a close.

For everyone elses information, my replies to you personal messages were:

Reply 1.

Paddy

Can you please elaborate as to what the problem actually is...

because now I am confused.

Should I stop posting here - is that what you are trying to say? Has it offended some? or is it clogging up a system?

Reply 2

Ok Patrick,

I think I get it now.

Whilst I am trying to help these people by posting back, it is not warrented.

I'll refrain from coming on and posting.

It must be causing damage and I'll refrain from visiting each day and adding comments while on semi holiday over the next 3 weeks, and not visit at all generally when not. I know that people are sick of me here and comments might have been made. So that's that.

I just find it satisfying to be of some help to those here who are not feeling well, and also satisfying to helped by them at the 'right' times.

Maybe I am the one that causes alot of 'trouble' here.


Cheers and thanks Mr********

Point taken
mylife

reply 3

Thanks Paddy

I'll stop making noise as you put it.

I'll stop making caring remarks.

I'll just stop.

(I was really angry by the time the 3rd one was written, and apologise for it)