Empty

Its how I am feeling, that pain you have, when someone dies. I feel that, but no one has passed. I loathe it, I keep eating to try to take the feeling away, but that doesnt change it.

I wanat to sleep, but I cant.

I feel as though I am losing control.

Apricot, hiya hon.

It sucks, that feeling, doesn't it.

I was wondering if you'd had a look thru some of the Threads and Posts in our 'In Our Own Words - writing to survive section'? The link is

https://thebigblackdog.forumotion.net/in-our-own-words-writing-to-survive-f5/

There may be things in there that resonate with you and help you find a more sure path out of this gluggy brain-swamp we sometimes seem to fall into. Then again, I could be wrong, but hey, if ya do have a look, I suspect you will find that there might be two or three others here who understand exactly what you mean, too.

Take care, aye.

Paddy.

P.S. Given one wish, what is it you would MOST need or want to control? Right now.

What is it that you feel is not within your control at the moment? And if you say 'Life etc', then TBT will not get Supper tonight. Can you bear that responsibility, hon?

Hi Apricot ..... I know that within depression there can be feelings of loss - and one of the worst aspects is that the loss/losses are not acknowledged.

I took part in a grief workshop one time and the facilitator asked what things we would grieve about .... people talked of loss of relationships, jobs, etc etc and last of all death was mentioned! (Not to minimise loss by death for anyone) ... I found that quite interesting.

Hope you're feeling a lot better tomorrow . ..... Daze

hi there apricot (cool colour by the way)

How are you today

Thanks guys!

Thankfully that empty has pulled its ugly head in somewhat. It was horrid. Scary.

Have had to take a couple of days out, sleeping when ever I was able, think the fact I hadnt slept well for weeks, then being...whispers..premenstrual, totally threw me too far.

Life!!

Hey Apricot I'm glad that you are feeling better. I agree with you in that it is scary when you feel as empty as you described. It sounds like you listened to what your body needed and that was healing for you. As for those pesky female hormones, can they be a pain or what?! Men have it easy in that regard!

Hi Apricot I am glad you are feeling a wee bit better.

I've never understood this feeling of grief. You are right its as if someone you loved died, and you cannot just cannot lose the heartache. We wear it like a hairshirt us depressed people don't we.

The best I have read (other than that Misery is not compulsory) is that it is a grief, for we do love life us depressives, just not the ones we have. And it is within our own control and power to make the changes we need to make to make our lives bearable. Its just that we're not very good at taking the first step again after an "episode" are we?

Love to you apricot and I hope you will have the strength to take the first step towards changing the things you can.

My first step is interacting with folks again face to face. That's hard for me but I am going to try again.