CATz

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,

the second man an Accountant,

the third a Chemist, and

the fourth was a Government Employee.


To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff."

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.



But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,

"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.

Everyone agreed that was good.



But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff."


Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.


Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"


The Government Employee called his cat and said, "CoffeeBreak, do your stuff."


CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......




ate the cookies........


drank the milk.......


sh*t on the paper.......





screwed the other three cats.......


claimed he injured his back while doing so.......



filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......



put in for Workers Compensation...............and

went home for the rest of the day on sick leave............




AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!

DICKz

What a Dick!

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him..

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket
for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on
the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse
you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Next year tell Santa;
The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top !

Lol. that is funny.