Question

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umm yes..any more than the recommended dose of 2 is too many

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Maybe we should create an Attention Seekers forum here on TBBD.

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Can I ask a question please? Is it ok on this forum to deliberately upset other members?

If the person who posts a question is young, lacks in confidence, lacks in self-esteem, is potentially suffering from depression but is scared witless at the thought don't you think that she needs support instead of the response she got?

No that is not ok, and I'm going to put my neck on the line here.

Jaffa, you are out of line saying people are attention seekers!!

Comments like that merely destroys people who are already down and out. You don't need to say (hugs) or anything like that. You don't need to moddycoddle them either, but don't make comment unless it is positive.

It is my interpretation that people here are for support - receiving or giving..it doesn't matter...but support it must be with a positive light. I don't think I am wrong with this interpretation and please if I am, tell me.

Sam, did you get my PM from last night? Please keep me posted as qwerky needs support. I see she has canned her membership here - again - so I can't offer her any written support.

Thanks mylife.

She is really struggling - any negative comment results in a real down. It really doesn't help the situation.

So, yes, it would be better for comments to be positive or not make at all.

That's ok, thanks for the update,

I agree woth oyur comments Sam.

I sent an email to Paddy about some concerns in relation to comments made by a certain person in a thread which were not helpful at all and nothing was done.

I no longer see the forum as safe as it use to be due to the attitudes and comments that certain members make.

Ros, if you just sent the email in the last couple of days Paddy won't have seen it. He is bed bound with his back and can't get to the computer.

Don't be to hard on him ay?

TBBD is Not Safe, eh?

It is very interesting reading stuff here on TBBD after taking a well needed time out break.

It helps give a fresh perspective to things.

TBBD is NOT a safe place? Then, that can only arise from the way some people choose to use this site.

As the person who set up TBBD, started it with nothing, from nothing, just on a hunch that it could be useful and who has worked his arse off despite my own situation to try and keep people safe here, I gotta say, I’m not thrilled about being ‘named’ or singled out by a particular Member.

Sam:
Thanks.
No, it is not right for people to upset others here. You are right to have asked that question but I’m sorry as heck it was necessary.

I don’t mind if the young woman concerned, changes her Membership status here at TBBD every half hour, on the hour. It is not doing anyone else any harm that I can tell (so my Inbox gets busy, big deal). If changing her mind about being here is one of the things that young woman has to do right now as she finds a safe path, then go for it, qwerky.

Jaffakiwi:
Yeah, your “Attention Seeking’ comment was a bit rough but I take the blame for leaving it up on the Board. I thought maybe the Community would respond to it so I didn’t.

Mylife – Thanks.

Roswell:
Yesterday, you Posted this –

“I agree woth oyur comments Sam.

I sent an email to Paddy about some concerns in relation to comments made by a certain person in a thread which were not helpful at all and nothing was done.

I no longer see the forum as safe as it use to be due to the attitudes and comments that certain members make.”

Rightly or wrongly, I take this as a very personal criticism of both my integrity and the way in which I try to manage TBBD for the benefit of everyone here (except normally, me).

Roswell, since you say here on the Board that you emailed me and nothing was done, I feel I have a public right of reply.

I have hestitated for a few hours now about doing this, because your ‘emailed’ PM to me mentions others Members by their Username. However, I think this needs to be seen as being dealt with in the open so if any Member is offended because of their Name being used in either one of the two messages below – well, I’m sorry about that.

But I shall restrain myself in what I do say. Instead, since you raised the matter of the emailed concerns, and said nothing I did nothing, I shall Post both your Private Message to Paddy2 (Moderator/Memeber) AND my reply. Because I did reply to you. And, I had taken action. Yours was not the only PM I received that night about a variety of stuff, Roswell.

For the record, here is the ‘Roswell PM’ In its entirety.

From Roswell To Paddy2, Thu Jun 11, 2009 9:46 pm
Hi Paddy,

I am concerned about the behaviour and comments made by GM.

I find his comments and attitude on this site unhelpful and normally ingore his posts but he has gone too far in some of his latest post in The Message Board under the message Woppow.

I started the thread with permission from Wop just to inform everyone where she was at as she had had a rough day and was planning on killing herself. I was one of the people to call the cops, a friend of Wops also called the cops.

In the post Wop explained what she had been though and it was rough for her and she feels again let down by the system.

In reponsce to Wops post GM replied:

"Could be, they wanted to keep a place open for a more deserving customer" this implying that Wop does not deserve mental health treatment.

He also goes on to say, "They, more than likely also know,that you're playing games with them wappow." Woppow was werious yesterday. I exchanged a number of tests with her, tried to call her to find out more infomation and when she wouldn't respond called the cops. The mere fact she was section under the Mental Health Act (something not done lightly) and restrained like she was shows the cops knew she wasn't playing games and the fact she fought them also shows she was unwell at the time.

He then goes on to question wither Wop has a mental health issues by saying, "Do you a problem with Authority woppow,you're disquising as a mental health issue?" GM has no right and is not in a position to question this.

To top it off he finishes off his post with, "Remember,there are thousands in India and Africa dying daily of Starvation and a vareity of Diseases,
only too-willing to swap places with you."

I am not alone in feeling disgust and annoyance at comments made by GM and I understand other may be complaining to you. There was also some discussion in the chat room last night if you wish to read it.

I was also unhappy but managed to in the end laugh off a comment in made in another thread where I asked for positive thoughts for my job interview tomorrow. I is a big step in my recovery for me and he made light of it by turning it into a joke. My first respone was anger and hurt.

Paddy something needs to be done.

Please keep me informed of what happens.

And here is the reply sent by me to that PM.

“Paddy2 Fri Jun 12, 2009 12:00 am (Midnite)

Ros,

I appreciate your concerns and views, and I have done exactly what I have felt is necessary.

I'm pleased you are supportive of Lizzie, and believe me, no one here wishes her harm.

However, she is and she knows it, way out of line using TBBD to threaten self harm on. That is not acceptable from anyone here. This is a continuing conversation I have had with her and I have explained to her that her Memebership is at risk if she continues that behaviour here.

This site is not equipped or resourced to be that 'sort of site'. I will risk losing memberships, but not members lives.

No one has to read or respond to any other persons posts here at TBBD. Believe me, I read all of them in the Thread you mention - several times, whilst I decided what to do. I read pretty much everything here.

I also spent time with Lizzie in the Chat Room here on TBBD today. And had I been there later, from what I have since read on the Archived Chat, she would not still be a member of this site. Unwell or not, there are limits.

I have no intention of taking up with Greasemonkey, any aspect of his Posts to date here at TBBD. Whether or not I agree with what he posts is immaterial. In this instance, I know with absolute certainty that - no, I'm not even explaining.

Instead, I'm saying thats enough, now, From everyone. We don't have to love each other, but we will be respectful and we will be safe.

I know I've replied to you from my ordinary membership name Ros, but believe me, this is written and meant by me as Site Administrator and Moderator. Everyone is being told the same thing. I'm not taking sides, I'm saying how it is here.

Have a safe night.

P.S. Your comment about your Employment Interview Thread was beneath you, Ros. Read what you initially posted. You were explicit about clothing to be worn. You didn't mention wearing trousers. And someone made a comment. C'mon.

Since you mentioned that Thread, I will add my two cents worth - that is, when you have mentioned it, I have wondered if you were not taking on too much, given that you have said you are feeling overwhelmed by some other committments you have? But only you can know that. We can only wish you the best for the interview. And wearing pants usually helps, unless its at a nudist camp. Lighten up, mate.

Pat.”


NO person who feels unsafe using TBBD has to stay. But if you do choose to stay, then behave. Try and remember that by and large, we are supposed to also be, adults.

Pat.

Thanks for clearing this up Paddy,

My thoughts on this issue, in no particular order

1) I had noticed GM's posts recently were less serious and more light-hearted. Sometimes I did feel that he made light of serious situations, but it was uncharacteristic.

2) I do feel Ros needs to lighten up a bit - as Pat mentioned above.

3) Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. I was glad that GM questioned Woppow's motives and behaviors. In my opinion Wop and Qwerk go about asking for help in completely unhelpful ways, and I'm glad that Pat mentioned threats of self harm to be innapropriate on these boards.

4) I will miss GM on these boards. About a week ago he advised me he would no longer be posting here so often. Ros, I don't think your concerns went unnoticed.

5) I really thought that Ros was complaining about me! lol. Phew!

6) I think these forums are very safe, and beneficial to many. To expect everyone to take the same 'poor you' response is not just unrealistic, it is unhelpful. I'm beginning to think that females take the emotive response, where as males take a practical one. But I'm probably being grossly stereotypical - no offense intended.

7) People should take into account the mindset of all parties to the discussion. As PetersPam pointed out earlier, if you take offense to a particular post, perhaps consider what might be going on for them.

8 ) In my whole time here at TBBD, I have never met anyone that actually meant to be harmful and malicious. We have a diverse range of people here. Many provide the emotional support needed, and a few push people to question themselves and challenge there beliefs. its all good!

9) Pat, I don't think you were singled out personally - Ros was just expressing frustration at 'the management'. As you know, no manager is ever going to please 100% of the people all the time.

10) It does annoy me slightly when people delete their accounts and messages - only because it causes confusion and they almost always rejoin the next day. But I also see how its not a big deal, and if people feel the need to do it I guess thats their right.

11) Pat, i'm all for community moderation. We ARE all adults here, so I'm glad you didn't delete my post. I'm also glad the community stepped up and posted when they felt i was out of line.

Think thats enough for now. Replies to any points I've made are welcome and encouraged.

JK.

I'm sorry I cause everybody confusion and frustration. I know I do nothing on this site right, I probably cause more harm than good. If you want me out, I'll stay out for good...

OK guys. I always miss the drama or usually shy away or cant be arsed being involved in topics like this and also the ones that are in question (RE: self harm or attention seeking or wateva) as they have the most controversy. But i want to say that i like TBBD the way it is and everyone in it.

I guess im lucky in that if i dont like a topic or have nothing to add to it, i can just close it and leave others to it and not give it another thought. Selfish huh? I share when i wanna share, i take what i wanna take, i give when i wanna give. And, if anything this is the perfect scenario to learn to stand up for yourself and work on your communication skills something i need and am very open to! Ive benefited from chatting with qerky and i hope in return shes got something from me or at least realised shes not alone and can ask questions anytime anywhere and people may or may not answer the way we want but still we have to learn these things in life by going through experiences!

I think Paddy has got a good thing going on here and Ros is a good guy and is probably frustrated with management in general and all the higher uppers in general!! I dont think the forum is unsafe in anyway if anything i feel safer knowing that self harm threats are not welcome here. As a female i can be supportive and all that emotive type stuff (thanks JK hehe) but i can not be part of someone self harming or get caught up in someone elses self destruction as i have my own struggles and I will not tolerate it so i dont even comment. The fact it is known that we do not encourage, accept or allow it here is somewhat encouraging for me. However i will be supportive if someone needs it but its hard to tell sometimes cos its just too scarey sometimes

I know this isnt about taking sides but I can see everyones points of view (all the names mentioned that is) You guys are all awesome and have very vaild points but we need to consider each others view points. God im too rational sometimes which sucks cos i always end up sitting on the fence and not moving anywhere (This is the part where GM would say something that is probably really deep and meaningful and helpful but would probably go over my head LOL - which i will miss!!)

Anyhow in closing, we all have struggles and are at different stages in our lives and illness so differences are bound to occur. But im grateful for this place and for everyones input and experiences! Long may it continue! Please. Pretty please.

hear hear,

Qwerky hon,

I don't have a problem with you being here with us at TBBD. And I know that the Admin bloke doesn't either, for that matter.

We're all beginners here, still finding our way down the Path of Life and sometimes, the path is a bit wobbly and rocky, but ah, we'll get there. If you have any questions about ways to use TBBD to help make sense of stuff, just ask. Send me a PM if you want to ask anything (Chances are, it won't be Posted for all to read later).

I know it must have been a bit of a shock to figure out who you 'knew' here at TBBD querky but from what I can work out, there is a lot of love and caring and stuff involved - and that can be pretty hard to find some days, anywhere. I hope it helps.

You keep using this place as and how you need to qwerky.

We are ALL vulnerable, so we need to keep that in mind sometimes too.

Pat.

I don't know what to do

I do, stay put on the forum..if you can please, I like talking with you.

I'm not helpful or anything. Why do you like talking to me? I don't understand

you are helpful to me, you remind me of how I was as a teenager at times, bit lost, bit down, bit happy...

you have alot of great things to say,

Very lost and confused more like it.

Believe me it was a long time ago for me. You have inspired me, to start writing about all the wrongs that have happened in my life. You have made me realise how much I have bottled up over the years.

You see I like you 'cause I see alot of me there. BUT! I don't want you to bottle it up and end up like me.

I use to bottle it up, but my friend let me express when I wanted to.

How did you get through it at a young age?? Or manage to deal with it?