NOT for WoMen

errr, this is definately NOT-FOR-WOMEN!

http://www.toilette-humor.com/cartoon.html

do ya fink, wonders if I should go look anyway, lol.

We women are so nosy. What I want to know is - when did they take that photo of me swimming ...... Lol Lol ...... Daze .....

tepui daze!

Well that cracked me up, lol.

Working inside, we forget we need to come up for air
every-so-often.

I just recieved this eMail!

IMPORTANT: This email remains the property of the Australian Defence Organisation and is subject to the jurisdiction of section 70 of the Crimes Act 1914. If you have received this email in error, you are requested to contact the sender and delete the email.
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told
him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed
by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could
stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill
effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before
I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way
home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed
delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I
took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he
returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure
was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I
seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It
was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and
fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I
went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells
signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more
times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it
feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked
through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated
around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

[center]the world is just perfect
the way it is....with birthing and dying and living an crying all going into awakening the many individuals that they've been created in similar ways, some by IVF!
~I suppose then,
perfection is in the eye of the beholder!
As one evolves out of the deep dark ignorance space they get to see the meaning of life and beguin to laugh more, as well as make more stunning movies and other Art-Workx to make their Brothers and Sisters sit-up and straighten their spinal columns,
so as the axe-weilder gets a fair crack at the neck![/center]

The following are results from an OZ-words Competition where entrants were asked to take an Australian word, alter it by one letter only, and supply a witty definition.

Clearly, you need to be an Aussie to understand.

Billabonk: to make passionate love beside a waterhole

Bludgie: a partner who doesn't work, but is kept as a pet

Dodgeridoo: a fake indigenous artefact

Fair drinkum: good-quality Aussie wine

Flatypus: a cat that has been run over by a vehicle

Mateshit: all your flat mate's belongings, lying strewn around the floor

Shagman: an unemployed male, roaming the Australian bush in search of sexual activity

Yabble: the unintelligible language of Australian freshwater crustaceans

Bushwanker: a pretentious drongo, who reckons he's above average when it comes to handling himself in the scrub

Crackie-daks: 'hipster' tracksuit pants.
And for the Kiwi's amongst us:
Shornbag: a particularly attractive naked sheep...

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls..' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed.. 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos =MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... He didn't seem pissed off in the least.. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock..' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

You always make me laugh Gm, thankyou.

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
and all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.'

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a
little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see
what was going on.....

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!

Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...