i hurt and I did something dumb

want it over...........cant even do that properly!

dont want to wake up tomorrow.........today............whatever

there is nothing more I can take and its not enough

You Ok???

i am still alive. but not okay. no need to call the cops or ambos or anything tho.

I do dumb stuff all the time lol like constantly.. But when i do i have to realize that i am not perfect so why dwell on it .. EVERYONE does silly things. It happens everyday ,every hour ,minute and second. There's no set feeling for how we should feel, so its what we choose to make of it right ?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kxa0mnDj0bs&feature=related < Later in the vid theres a dog skateboarding

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svEPX2GpoXY < mix

thanks for the links spacedman. the skateboarding dog is awesome!

Hi monsta, Are you OK ... just thinking of you and sending a caring hug.

thanks daze. I am wondering what the hell is happening to me. Just saw a thread on TM about zopiclone and someone having side effects. I am on it and wonder if maybe thats part of my problem. Last night I truly thought I had taken 7 of them. ........ but I hadnt.

Morning Monsta,

Hope you are feeling a little better now.

Remember your girl Monsta, she needs you around.

Break it all down into little parts of the day for now, and just get through each bit. Don't look at the long term at the moment.

Hugs to you Monsta, hang in there - we want you to stay a part of our group.

Have you been back to see your doc lately? Have you been getting counselling?

Monsta,

If that is the case, arrange to see your doctor ASAP, please.

It scares the hell out of me some of the side effects things have on us.

Hugs.

I dont think I need the docs today. I checked my pills and they rae all still there. I am just exhausted and want to sleep but cant relax. I am sure I will be fine.

Monsta,

It's possible the drugs are making you feel worse, in which case the quicker you can go and get them sorted/changed the sooner you will feel better.

I just do want to see you fighting this for longer than you have too, and because as you obviously know, sometimes we lose complete awareness of what we are doing because of a drug we are taking, and the results can be devastating sometimes.

Big hugs.

thanks hon but I will wait to see the psych as I know the doc doesnt want to change me. I will stop the zopiclone though and am off my antibiotics as of today so maybe that will help.

how are you anyway?

ok. When do you see the psych next?

Yeah I am ok today, and just got an invite to join what left of my old work for a farewell lunch for one of the girls, so happy bout that since I was planning to head into town and try and catch up with some of them anyway during my day.

Guess I will have to get up and get showered etc rather soon lol.

psych is next week.

lunch will be lovely for you. its nice that they invited you.

Ok. You be carefull til then Monsta, and keep coming in here and talking to us.

I just eating my breakfast then I need to go and get sorted. But I will try and check in later on to see how you and everyone are doing.

Monsta. You "want it over...........cant even do that properly!" ?

Good.

Because you didn't want it over. You were confuzzled (a combination of confusion and puzzled - much worse than either on their own - its a new word & I own sole world rights to it, but I might letcha use it if you want)

Tsk tsk. You're part of our family now and our family are not quitters. Not one one of us. You're a survivor, just like the rest of us and sorry, but you're stuck with that.

If you can, get to your nearset $2 Shop (or its equivalent) and invest in one of their pill organiser boxes. You set out your days meds in it and as the day drags on, you can see what's been taken and whats left to have before bed. Or if you're richer than me, a chemist will have them for sure.

A few weeks ago, just at about the time this site was starting to help folk, I had a massive downer from meds I'd just started and had to increase the dosage for. 'Getting by' on an hour by hour basis was too long to wait, so I broke it down to 30 minute 'lives'. If I could stay alive for do the next 30 minutes, then I could probably manage the 30 after that. And the best thing about really crappy days? They all end at midnight. Every single one of them. Tis a new day then, and new days are always potentially better than the one you've just lived thru. Its just up to us to give the new day a wee hand and allow it to live up to that potential.

Oh, and please, 'phone your doctors surgery and ask to speak to the Practice Nurse. Just let her know you had a fright with your meds, that its all OK for the time being, but that they should know you're not feeling too flash. You might not have to see them, but they need to know these sorts of whoopsies - they are partners in our quest for stability and can help make more informed recommendations for treatment, if they know whats really up with us.

You'll be right - don't beat yourself up over a genuine mistake - it did no harm other than give you (and us who read your first post) a fright.

And LG: You enjoy your outing with your friends, mate. Have a fun time, k?

Sending you some sunshine cos I always think the spring sunshine does wonders. Hope you are ok. And like Paddy says we all have whoopsies. I married mine! Seriously though getting things sorted can be tricky so please don't be hard on yourself. ps I divorced the whoopsie!